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The Adventures of Aborted Andy | Episode I: Meeting Your Maker

July 30, 2026

David Himmel

The Adventures of Aborted Andy | Episode I: Meeting Your Maker

July 30, 2026

David Himmel

Andy disassembled his weapon with lighting speed. He packed it away in the black backpack made specifically for a weapon of this sort. He bolted to the roof access door as fast as his little, chubby legs would carry him. He made his way through the condo/office building stairwell without being noticed just as he had done on his way up. Andy was good at his job. And for a nine-month-old baby, he was really good at it.

July 30, 2026

David Himmel

ARCHIVE OF ARTICLES

Don Hall 1/13/20 Don Hall 1/13/20

I Believe… [Both Can Be Right]

…that Soleimani was a terrorist monster who deserved to be killed and Trumpenstein is a horrible man deserving of impeachment and removal from office. Both can be true so quit bending yourself into pretzels in existential crisis.

Don Hall 1/6/20 Don Hall 1/6/20

I Believe… [The Ladder of Secular Religiosity]

I believe… that if you believe it is the System fueled by Evil Other People that is the cause for your lousy lot in life you have started on the first rung of the Ladder of Secular Religiosity. Until you realize the System is you and your myriad of interconnected choices, get ready for the zealotry ride of your life.

Don Hall 12/30/19 Don Hall 12/30/19

I Believe… [Screaming at Spiders Doesn’t Get Them Out of the House]

I believe… that idealism and passion aren’t solutions. Without them, solutions cannot be created but alone they represent the kind of pointless emotional response that screaming at a spider does.

Don Hall 12/23/19 Don Hall 12/23/19

I Believe… [Christmas 2019]

I believe… that the older you get, the less you want (unless it’s pharmaceuticals and sleep and then you want it all). Do your AARP family member a solid and gift them generic drugs from Canada and room for a lot of naps this holiday season.

Don Hall 12/16/19 Don Hall 12/16/19

I Believe… [“Tell Your Truth” To Avoid “Telling THE Truth”]

…that “telling your truth” is merely giving your opinion with the safeguard of eliminating any challenge to it.

Don Hall 12/9/19 Don Hall 12/9/19

I Believe… [The Difference Between ‘Normal’ and ‘Ordinary’]

I believe… that cisgender is not a synonym for normal but a synonym for ordinary. Thus, those outside of the ordinary are naturally extraordinary rather than abnormal. Reframe things and we all win.

Don Hall 12/2/19 Don Hall 12/2/19

I Believe… [Chaos Is Less Fun Than Revolution]

…that those who seek revolution would be wise to have some sort of vision of what will take the place of the system destroyed. Without that vision, the house burns down and chaos reigns. Sounds good until you have to face chaos.

Don Hall 11/25/19 Don Hall 11/25/19

I Believe… [The Great Human Leveler]

…that without regard for political ideology, activist dogma, religious belief or sexual identity, we are all leveled human by the flu.

Don Hall 11/18/19 Don Hall 11/18/19

I Believe... [No New Pants]

…that I no longer care so much about my diet or exercise so much as I just don’t want to have to buy new pants.

Don Hall 11/11/19 Don Hall 11/11/19

I Believe… [Fostering Change Isn’t a Demand]

…that you can inspire someone to change. You can educate someone toward change. You can support someone as they change. You cannot make someone change, and all your efforts to do so, being met with failure, are the cause of your great outrage.

Don Hall 11/4/19 Don Hall 11/4/19

I Believe… [Basic, Average White Guy]

…that when people tell you you look like Al Franken, Brad Pitt, Tim Allen, John Ham’s drunk cousin, and John Wick (Keanu Reeves), it is established fact that you are the most basic, average looking white guy on the Strip.

Joe Janes 10/30/19 Joe Janes 10/30/19

The Minutes of Our Last Meeting Dresses Up as Literate Ape for Halloween

There was blood everywhere because, even though I am a vampire, I am a klutz.

Don Hall 10/28/19 Don Hall 10/28/19

I Believe… [Political Misspelling is Dumb]

…that when I see you spell women “womxn “ and folks “folx” and white “yt,” wyte,” or “vvhite” your overwhelming virtue signaling blares so loudly that I simply can’t hear you for the noise. You’re only communicating to your trybe.

Don Hall 10/21/19 Don Hall 10/21/19

I Believe... [Insurance is Only an Entry Fee]

…that insurance is no more than the membership fee for entering a doctor’s office. It is not actually insurance against catastrophe but a payment to be allowed in the room.

Don Hall 10/14/19 Don Hall 10/14/19

I Believe... [Baby Boomers With a Christian Bale Growl]

…that nothing is more true about the Baby Boomer generation than the truth about The Dark Knight: “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” Remember that Batman was always the hero.

Don Hall 10/7/19 Don Hall 10/7/19

I Believe... [The Quixote Zone]

…that we have now entered the Quixote Zone when old men declaring they are knights, reality stars declaring they are presidents, and the very declaration that you are defined by your belief in your own, specific reality contrary to every indicator otherwise is normal.

Don Hall 9/30/19 Don Hall 9/30/19

I Believe... [Probst for President]

…that if I really wanted a reality TV star to be president, it would be Jeff Probst of Survivor.

Don Hall 9/23/19 Don Hall 9/23/19

I Believe... [Packers vs Joe Biden]

…that there is almost no substantive distinction between a rabid sports fan and someone on either side of the political fringe.

Don Hall 9/16/19 Don Hall 9/16/19

I Believe... [Too Much {Clap, Clap} Time On Your Hands...]

…that if the hill you die on is whether or not there is a female 007, that a Popeye’s chicken sandwich is less homophobic, or how many black people were in Game of Thrones, I’d suggest you have far too much time on your hands.

Don Hall 9/9/19 Don Hall 9/9/19

I Believe... [Certainty is a Sign of Error]

…that when it comes to economics, sociology, psychology, politics, meteorology, and craps, if you are dead certain of something you’re probably wrong.