...that the story you continue to tell about yourself to others becomes your own reality over time. So, tell a better story.

...that the terms ‘dirty old man’ and ‘healthy and experienced elder’ are interchangeable depending on who is doing the describing.

...that when meteors start crashing through roofs in Texas in bursts maybe we’re finally beginning to live in a Michael Bay world.

...that when you spend time helping the truly broken—the ones who require more patience than seems reasonable—you walk away with two revelations: how much of yourself still works, and how vital the fragile thread of kindness is that holds people together.

...that sleep for a single older man is weird and wonderful. Sometimes you work your ass off and sleep with the fishes, other times you put yourself down, snooze for three hours, wake up, write, then catch another three before jumping into the day.

...that indecision is a decision.

...that it is no tiny thing to be able to fly without having to take your shoes off. You know, the Yin Yang effect of Trump is dizzying… ICE versus easier TSA lines? I dunno…

...that my new, best pickup line is the most honest: “Hi. You seem to be exactly someone who will ruin my life in a spectacular fashion. Wanna go get a drink?”

...that, at a certain age, a birthday is no longer a celebration of your existence but another notch in the ‘Fuck off, Death’ belt.

...that, as we age, good footwear is more important than a girlfriend.

The third of a series is out and ready to read!

...that the real lessons of history are almost always ignored because they require humility instead of outrage.

...that a haircut, a good book, and a pair of shoes that really fit are the luxuries of the lower middle class.

...that ‘grace under pressure’ isn’t the same thing as ‘competence in a crisis.’

...that the act of taking photos of yourself is the height of vapid stupidity and unchecked vanity. I wanna see a picture someone else took of you looking like a fresh bag of shit. Then I can know who you are.

…that until organizations realize that treating adults like wayward children destroys morale, creativity, and basic human joy, the micromanager will continue to loom—hovering, nitpicking, doubting, draining, controlling—like the world’s least charismatic supervillain.

...that absence may make the heart go fonder but it also makes the bone grow harder.

...that we’re all just one bad decision from oblivion.

...that, if LiterateApe was suddenly put in charge of CBS, ’60 Minutes’ would features stories of divorce, masturbation, the death of radio, and farts.

...that technology is a brilliant liar—it convinces us we’re connected while quietly sterilizing our souls.