The Opinion of the Intelligent
If your personal truth is only informed by your experiences in the world, without some attempt to triangulate and educate yourself, it is by the very definition, "the certainty of the ignorant."
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of January 2, 2022
The season one, second episode of The Book of Boba Fett should have been called, “Dances with Sand People.”
Our year
There were splinters in our hearts the size of floorboards.
We waited, shivering.
GOP Reflects On January 6th, National Bean Day
Communist Democrats won’t celebrate this great national holiday.
A Brief Poem About a Writer Who Doesn't Write
They say—they being creative writing professors, esteemed novelists, and hacks with wordy Instagram posts alike—that writers write. Writers who get their shit out there—not all of it, but enough of it—are the real writers. True warriors of the pen and keys.
I Believe... [Bristling Elites]
...that when Pulitzer prize winners and people with advanced degrees bristle at being called “elites” the Emperor’s codpiece just slipped off his huge, highly educated, monied cock.
Sauna Talk is a Lot Like Locker Room Talk
"Well, that's racist."
Nine sphincters tightened. Nine old, wrinkly, half-naked white men almost held nine sets of breath.
I looked him in the eye. "What about that is racist?"
Y2K 2.0: One Man's Struggle with an Unforgiving Virus
Could I have used the watch as it was with its minor malfunctions? Yes. As a sport watch, sure. But Katie paid good money for KITT and I see nothing wrong with wanting new Christmas presents to work as intended. I also expect a lot from Apple products even if they do give me the heebie-jeebies. And they do. But not because I’m afraid of technology but because I carry the Y2K virus in my blood. I am a thriving host for this 21st Century strain of panic.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of December 26, 2021
We all want to be new versions of ourselves with each New Year. But change is hard and it’s much easier to love the one you’re with. To tolerate the one you are.
The One 2022 Resolution For Us All
After two years of COVID, social justice demands, insurrectionists, the fact the Trump won't simply die from a goddamned McDonald's fueled heart attack, economic instability, cyber-attacks, droughts, floods, bizarre heat waves followed by epic snowstorms followed by massive wildfires and urban blacks beating up old Asian ladies on video, trying to find some sort of positive, self help path forward seems impossible.
I Believe… [Simple Resolve]
...that if anyone still does New Year’s resolutions, they should include the goals to mind their own business, place their anxiety into perspective, and maybe take a few walks a week. Keep it simple for 2022.
The Best of The Ape 2021 | Most Read, Best Stuff
2021 was an odd year for everyone, globally speaking.
Merry Christmas from the Afterlife
I can see them when I sneak out from the basement, walk to the front of the house and peek into the windows like a pervert, but I cannot participate in their life. I can hear them occasionally talking about me, but the longer I’m down here, the less I come up in conversation. In another few days, I expect to hear the voice of a man telling Katie he’ll love Harry like he was his own just before he moves his shit into my house.
Unforging Marley's Chain: Cracking the Life Code via Dickens
I don't see myself in Scrooge much—not wealthy or particularly skin-flinty with dough—and I'm not Republican in any way yet I'm finding a bit more appreciation for Bill Clinton-style centrism. For me, it's those fucking chains of Marley that give me pause.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Christmas Eve, 2021
Santa Claus is as real as the fact that this time next year, covid won’t be a problem.
The Word of 2021 was "Impatience"
We can’t escape the world but we can re-learn Patience and Self-Discipline.
S&M Santa Claus (Repost from 2019)
I Believe... [Get Her the Combs Already]
...that you should read O. Henry’s The Gift of the Magi before Christmas Eve.
The Thought That Counts (Repost from 2016)
There are a couple of simple rules that I try to follow when participating in the ritual of gift-giving and receiving.
Love or Money, Christians? Which is it? (Repost from 2018)
If you are averse to religious discussions, I warn you now, “Bible Verses Lie Ahead.” Not for the reason you usually see them thrown around, though. I’m not going to judge you here. In fact, being a fan of the Bible for what I see it to be, I strongly value the statement, “Judge not, lest ye be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” Jesus (if that is Your real name...) said that in the King James Version of the Bible, Book of Matthew, Chapter 7, verse 2. There are countless translations, of course, take your pick.
The first chapter of an in-progress novel.
“The voice began on a Tuesday morning while Monte Walsh was standing in his kitchen, holding an unopened package of bacon over the garbage can.”