Odyssey Preppers: A slothful meditation
How easily even the driven-to-dream Odyssey Prepper becomes paralyzed by the myriad comprehensive depths of MacGyver-esque preparedness choices. The Platonic mind frozen in delicious deliberation of future liberation.
Going Down the Prepper Rabbit Hole
I wasn't worried about running out of Clorox wipes until I saw they’re prioritized for hospitals on Amazon and totally out of stock at Walgreens, Target, Walmart, Staples, etc.
My sister often says, “Our family is not surviving the zombie apocalypse.”
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Thank Trump!
No one be thanking God if they survive. They’ll be thanking Donald Trump.
A Small Café in Paris
He looks at the glass. He looks at the waitress. Two miserable cubes float in an inch of water. Water from the melted ice. Water with floating black specks in it. He is afraid to ask for more ice. Fear keeps him from drinking the water. And watered-down Pepsi will not do. He drinks the water, despite his fear. He does not want watered-down Pepsi. He pours the Pepsi. The ice melts.
![I Believe… [More Than Social Distancing]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1586704128691-RG4EU2CPDI44AREM19ZR/IMG_2541.jpeg)
I Believe… [More Than Social Distancing]
…that in addition to giving each other six feet of distance physically, we might also consider giving each other a bit of judgement distance as well. None of us really know what the fuck we’re doing in this period of history and everyone is trying to do the best they can with limited (and sometimes skewed) information.
Tips from the Universal Household Assistant | Lungs—to protect from dust.—
A simple and cheap protection from such annoyance is to get a piece of sponge large enough to cover the nostrils and mouth, hollow it out on one side with a pair of scissors to fit the face, attach a string to each side, and tie it on.
Lessons on Self-Isolation as Learned from Binge Watching “Big Brother” and “Love Island” with Just a Bit of Shame for Doing So
While you languish in self-exile playing board games and participating in Zoom cocktail parties, I did something truly shameful as a research project: I binge-watched Big Brother: Season 21 and Love Island: Fiji.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of April 4, 2020
The religious and passively observant religious welcome spring by celebrating two of the Bible’s most violent and frightening stories. Among the abandoning and killing of children, general death and destruction, and zombies ascending to heaven, I do hope you can stop to enjoy the smell of tulips in bloom.
Fur is Murder
As loved as we were by the Boschmann’s, we were still a negro family and had to live in the negro part of town. This part of town was not Officer Sweeney’s beat. He being at our door to arrest my Ronnie was strictly a courtesy. At some point during all the celebration, Mr. Stanley had been murdered. Stabbed in the throat three times. Another four times in the chest and seventeen times in his crotch. I nearly dropped Caroline as Officer Sweeney gave us more details while the other cops escorted Ronnie back to our bedroom so he could get dressed before they slapped cuffs on him.
What is This “Due Process” You Speak Of, Alyssa Milano?
Honestly, the last time I gave two shits what Alyssa Milano or Rose McGowen thought about anything was... well... never. That said, I’m tired of writing about the fucking COVID-19 world so let’s dive in, shall we?
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | New GOP Voter Reforms!
“Voter fraud” continues to be an issue in this country. We have been working hard to develop legislation that will reform all voter laws at a federal level.
- Limit the number of polling stations to one per every 1,000,000 citizens.
- Election supervisors are allowed, at their discretion, to store ballots in basements susceptible to fire or flooding.
The New World Order Following 9/11 is a Template NOT to Follow
The art of those most motivated by empowering those with less may be brushed under the dark and soiled shag carpeting of disaster.
If You Treat People Like Children, You Can’t Be Surprised When They Act Like Children
Simply put, people almost always rise to the level one expects them to based in large part to how they are treated. Treat people like a bunch of toilet paper hoarding morons and, sure enough, they are a bunch of toilet paper hoarding morons.
![I Believe… [Corporations Are Shitty People]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1586023976858-OS26GWRD72ZZAQ95EZB4/IMG_2541.jpeg)
I Believe… [Corporations Are Shitty People]
…that many Americans are discovering for the first time that corporations despite their legal designation are not people. Or if they are, they’re the kind of people you can’t count on in a crisis.
How to Deal With a Giant Pile of Dog Shit in Your Path
The dog shit was an obstacle but one he could ignore or clean up if he chose those routes. The dog shit became an excuse for not doing something rather than an obstacle to overcome.
pANDEMIC eCCENTRIC
I hope things never go back to how they were. That normal wasn’t normal. Lost to digitized history seemed to be leisure with gravity, interstitial tranquility. The accuracy of vacancy. Nilness.
I want to lose track of days and check the time only to be surprised at the lateness of the hour. Dusk looming, innocent as a satellite.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 29, 2020
Humor is not a universal language. It is, by nature and design, intended for siloing. Even the greatest broad comedy has its haters. The closest thing to universally accepted comedy is Jay Leno and, c’mon, fuck Jay Leno.
The Enticement of Madam Luck
Thousands desired the mystical woman. Hundreds fought for her. Traps were set for her. But no matter what happened while she walked the earth, she always disappeared just as the sun disappeared in the sky.
Yoga in the Time of Quarantine
Chicago self-isolation, Day 11— By now my boyfriend and I, stuck in our 400-square-foot studio, have gone through our television and movie watch-lists, stuffed ourselves with take-out, and pretty much murdered our puzzle/boardgame/book collection. Work takes up some time, but today is Saturday. We’ve been getting on each other’s nerves.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Jean-Claude Pandemic!
Jean-Claude Pandemic! This time it’s personal space.
“They waited for the next frightened person to confuse survival with surrender.”