The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – EPA Emergency Meeting
"Dear Lord, thank you for bestowing upon us the responsibility of being stewards of this blessed planet. We take your many gifts, like coal and oil and natural gas and money, seriously. It would be downright rude to you, Lord, to not cultivate these gifts. We believe you have a plan and trust in you, Lord, to guide us. One nation UNDER GOD! America first! Amen"
Anger and Empathy
I remember when I was very little, maybe three or four, my mother said to me, “What am I going to do with you?” I told her she could put me down the garbage chute. I imagined that was where the Sesame Street monsters lived. I thought I could live with them and that’s where I would belong. I also wanted to solve the problem for her.
Comedy Is Supposed to Be Mean Unless It’s for Morons
The simple fact is that if someone laughs, it’s funny. Like that nutty dress that some people saw as gold and some saw as blue, comedy is really in the eye of the beholder and, if you can’t take being made fun of, best to quietly hide from the rest of society, content to be left out of the discourse and live out your life pain-free.
I Believe… [Avengers: Infinity War Was RAD!]
…that Trump doesn't lie more than other presidents. Trump just doesn't give a shit if he is caught in a lie.
The Inappropriate Hackery of the White House Correspondents’ Dinner
The White House Correspondents’ Dinner is more pathetic a work event than any kind of team-building game night or scavenger hunt even the most creative HR Director can think of. If they don’t want the roast, they shouldn’t hire a comedian to headline. Hire Jared Kushner instead. He won’t say anything mean. He won’t say anything at all. Unless there are Russians in the room. But that won’t offend anyone.
Loose Chicks Featured Chick: Sharon Ammen
Listen to some of her stories at the next Loose Chicks - 7:15pm, May 11 at Uncharted Books, 2620 N Milwaukee, Chicago, IL
Debate, Engage, or Namecalling: Only One Results in Results
As time passes, the Obama Administration both looks pretty idyllic (when showcased next to the past year and change of the Reality Star Dickwaffle, the administration of Warren G. Harding looks pretty special and productive) and a overly compromised journey through Healthcare Reform (kind of) and Drone Strikes.
Nothing You Can Do About It
I met her eight years ago at Holy Cross Hospital where I worked in West Englewood. A poor people’s hospital on Chicago’s south side.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of April 22, 2018
• Never pity a fat man. Empathize with an obese one.
When Deprivation Becomes Deadly
At the time, I just saw him as a big, stupid fuckhole. Turns out, he was an early adopter of what is now being called an “incel.”
American Shithole #14 — Defending the Deplorables and Facing Fears
So, in your desperation, you voted for a showbiz circus orangutan whose only qualifications were that he screamed the loudest and threw shit bombs absolutely everywhere — oh, and he told you that you were special.
Spock and Valerie Solanas Meet for a Coffee Date at the Big Starbucks in the Sky
Valerie, to Spock: One concern I have is your allegiance to logic and rationality, which, while admirable in itself, has traditionally and nominally been used to silence and stupefy females. Males accuse females of being irrational and emotional in order to delegitimize the experience of females and deny the relevance of their emotions, when in fact, emotions—especially anger, hatred, and love — are perfectly logical.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting — The Crisis Actors Union of America
I even updated my Special Skills section. I added “weep openly on cue, spontaneous melancholy moments of reflection, can take a bullet, good at social media, improv and juggling”.
Grandiose Romanticism or Politics: Zombies Drinking Lattes
The fact that in all zombie stories, we are the zombies seems to get lost in the tales of the survivors. We are the masses of unthinking, brain-eating undead creatures shambling about looking for the living. Next season, I hope they give the hordes of flesh connoisseurs access to a zombie Faceborg and the allegory will be updated.
Quixotic Femme
I couldn’t turn my back
and I couldn’t fix it
Story of my life
lame excuse
Quixotic tale
striving for virtue
in a sewer
Do the best you can
Clean up the mess
Show up the next day
Clean up again
I Believe... [Modern Partisanship Resembles a Preschool Bathroom Break]
...that nothing makes me happier than Hannity being exposed and Ryan leaving the House. If McConnell is discovered to have a cache of weasel pornography on his hard drive and photos of himself with him jacking off while eating dogshit, I'd be the Happiest Asshole on Planet OMG.
Hotboxing My Dad: A Weed Trip and the Future Failure of Illinois
I imagine it’s hard to find work when you look like you sleep on a bong-water bed. Maybe not. Maybe this guy could straighten up and look more straightedge and acceptable for any other job. But why bother? In Denver, he could put his vast and exceptional knowledge of cannabis to great use. And he could do it without all the judgement and assholery that comes from a culture which things looking like a pothead is a bad thing. This guy, this stoner behind the counter, was more helpful than any putz at any store you could visit in the Clybourn Corridor.
Blame The Bookworm -- On Reading and Self-Sabotage
This too is important: skip ahead a little, or just read the ending and find a way to live with yourself about it, but for godsakes. Give yourself permission to quit a book. If after 40 or 50 pages you are slogging thru, put it down. Do it for yourself but also because it needs to be done.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of April 15, 2018
• Former First Lady Barbara Bush is an inspiration when it comes to family. She stood by and supported her husband as he ramped up the War on Drugs and exacerbated systemic disadvantages toward people of color. And she was proud of her bumbling nitwit son as he committed heinous war crimes. If Barbara Bush can do that, then Katie should have no problem always having my back, and no matter what kind of human turd my son ends up becoming, I’ll always be proud of him. Thank you, Mrs. Bush, for being such a role model.
YAWP: An Homage to Ginsberg in These Times
I'm no poet. While this is true, it is likewise true that I love poetry and, from time to time, indulge in the urge to write some. If you're really interested, you can go on Amazon and buy a book of my poetry. As I started to search for the thread of the idea behind the piece below, it kept bringing me back to Ginsberg's Howl. It is National Poetry Month, so I went with it.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.