My Best Drinking Buddies Have Joined AA
My best drinking buddies have joined AA,
given up the bottle, sobered up, gotten on the wagon
without falling off.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of November 10, 2019
My wife and I would make terrible diplomats. We would very quickly negotiate with terrorists. Just watch how fast we cut deals with our toddler son.
Windy City Empire Coronation 16
Hope Idiotic | Part 22
This was Lou’s cue. All he had to say was, ‘We’d love to’ and the waitress would say she’d be right back. She’d tell the owner/celebrity chef to get ready with the champagne. The manager would put his finger on the appropriate light switches. Lou would tell Michelle how much he loved her and how he wanted to start their life together right away. He’d get on his knee. The lights would change. All of the other patrons would become silent the moment they realized what was happening. He’d reach into the side pocket of his blazer and pull out the ring box. Michelle would start crying.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Maclunkey Wars!
George – Instead of freezing Han in carbonite, I want to put him in a refrigerator.
What I Learned from The Crucible
I was recently terrified by the question, “Are the Woke are the new Puritans?” How do I answer that? I mean, as a white, middle-aged woman—
…No wait, I’m not sure I should say that. I don't mean to use age as a value judgment or attempt to apologetically contextualize myself or her. Let me rephrase.
Hope Idiotic | Part 21
At that moment, Lou had $8,500 to his name. Give or take the few bucks from his unemployment checks that would be left after trying to pay his credit card bills. Looking at the statement, it felt good having all of that money staring back at him. He didn’t want to ever spend it. But it was already as good as gone.
I Believe… [Fostering Change Isn’t a Demand]
…that you can inspire someone to change. You can educate someone toward change. You can support someone as they change. You cannot make someone change, and all your efforts to do so, being met with failure, are the cause of your great outrage.
Obama Scolds the Woke
it looks like our beloved past-president has come out of retirement / hiding / wealth-making / whatever he’s doing with his fancy foundation, at a time when the nation is abandoning allies, abandoning core principles, abandoning the Constitution . . . to criticize THE WOKE for being judgmental.
What the hell do you say to that? OK, Boomer?
I Like To Watch | Yesterday (2019)
At the end, however, it is all about the songs. And, oh, what extraordinary songs they are.
searching for something better, searching for somewhere to belong
They run away to escape a life in which it was beaten into them that they were nothing, less than nothing, and then they are taken in by the streets, where the last of their humanity is ripped from them.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of November 3, 2019
Those Purdue students protesting that CVS in West Lafayette, Indiana really need something better to do with their weeknights. One cashier’s idiocy for not knowing Puerto Rico is a U.S. territory is not a cause worth fighting for. Hit the books. Or get drunk at Harry’s Chocolate Shop. Or better yet, drown yourself in the Wabash River.
Dark Flowers: An Excerpt
When Dahlia is informed she must learn to use her newly discovered powers, she isn’t sure if she should be elated or terrified. Having just murdered a few high school bullies, attending Sterling Manor could mean the start of a new life or the end of one.
Hope Idiotic | Part 20
Lou stared at her. That five hundred was the most money he’d made doing what he loved in a long, long time. Winning — just performing — was the best he’d felt in just as long. Michelle wasn’t letting him enjoy it. Was she really jealous of his win? And while he could have given her the full five hundred bucks to help pay for the trip, it wouldn’t have made much difference — not with what the whole thing cost anyway. Besides, he’d thought about treating himself to a new blazer and a pair of jeans since he hadn’t bought himself any new clothes in two years. He also thought he’d take Michelle out for a really nice evening, like the one where he would propose to her. This is bullshit, he thought as they engaged in a stare-down. He should have said something, but instead, he shrugged his shoulders in defeat and mumbled, “Fine.” Then he left to wander the ship’s decks drinking a glass of scotch until he had calmed down and figured Michelle had fallen asleep.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Presidential Boos News
I killed the leader of ISIS, the most dangerous man in the world since Hilary Clinton.
Validation by Exaggerating Harm is Straight Out of the Propagandist Playbook
Take Donald Trump for example. His language choices are intentionally hyperbolic. He routinely elevates perceived enemies into traitors to the State and rants on and on about witch hunts and lynchings. The Left takes the bait and wastes time arguing the semantics of his grievances (“Witch Hunts are against women!”) and the Right buys into the faux seriousness of them and responds in outrage.
It doesn’t help that the Left elevates his discourse as assault and his rhetoric as violence. These concepts are simply ridiculous and even the dumbest of his supporters can see that.
True Love Exists
True love exists. It can exist in many forms. It can enter our lives when we are young, or it can wait until we’re seasoned. True love can be discovered, or it can suddenly awaken. I don’t believe everyone experiences it. I wish we all did. I don’t know why some are able to feel it and others can’t. I only know that I am one of the lucky few who have it, and I will hold onto it forever.
I Believe… [Basic, Average White Guy]
…that when people tell you you look like Al Franken, Brad Pitt, Tim Allen, John Ham’s drunk cousin, and John Wick (Keanu Reeves), it is established fact that you are the most basic, average looking white guy on the Strip.
Hope Idiotic | Part 19
The day after Lou moved to Chicago, Michelle pointed to a Tiffany’s magazine ad. It was for a princess-cut diamond ring.
“This is the ring I want,” she told him. “This would be perfect.”
He held onto that magazine ad. And when he brought it to Goldman Jewelers, the longtime Bergman family jeweler in Skokie, Lou told the man, “If you can design this, it would be perfect.”
The jeweler, who was only a few years older than Lou, took a look at it. His name was Art Goldman. He was the fourth generation working in the business of making girls squeal with delight when they received their blood diamonds. Getting the Goldman Jewelers business card was a rite of passage. Pop gave it to him. It was yellowed and dog-eared.
Daylight Saving Time
I ask you — or anybody—
Why does it have to take 10 to make 1?
And even more puzzling —
Why bother?
The first chapter of an in-progress novel.
“The voice began on a Tuesday morning while Monte Walsh was standing in his kitchen, holding an unopened package of bacon over the garbage can.”