Long Train Running: A Chicago Marathon Story | Chapter 5 — Thoughts Per Mile
The decades that have passed. The experiences that came when I was tender and new. Experiences that have happened since and may happen again, but they’ll never feel quite like they did when they were the first time or when there was less to lose and far, far less scar tissue. As I clip past the miles, it becomes clear to me that life experience can have a way of dulling life’s experiences. Like running a marathon, it takes a lot of strength and self-awareness to overcome that mopey thought and figure out new ways to enjoy familiar wonder.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 7, 2019
The wonder we experienced in our youth is not lightning in a bottle. It is, however, a very specific kind of wonder that is no longer sold in stores or available through Amazon.
Tips from the Universal Household Assistant | Wounds,—a new cure for.—
When this point is reached you are perfectly safe—all that is necessary is to protect it from dirt. Do not stop short of bleeding and numbness and do not on any account close the opening with plaster.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Department of Labor Emergency Meeting
Time to tighten our belt. I can’t walk around with my pants undone all the time.
Heat of Summer
jailbait skating
rebel looking
for a cause
new ways to be
illegal seducing
sweat from thighs…
The Mud Dauber Lesson
Humans destroy what they don’t understand. I usually call my husband out to destroy these freaking things for me.
I Believe… [The Benefits of ManScaping]
...that manscaping in Chicago was hipster and an attempt for a middle-aged man to attract younger women but manscaping in Las Vegas is merely an attempt to keep my balls from boiling like Georgia peanuts.
What's Beneath the Rhetoric? Mark Twain Answers the Question
As we continue to stroll down the path of some of us in thrall with the myth of American Exceptionalism and a few others in disgust at the country we have become despite all the riches and advantages otherwise, it occurs to me that behind the rhetoric there is so much unspoken which reveals our darkest intents.
Sloppy, Stupid Journalism is the New Black
There are a host of positives when it comes to the expansion of citizen journalism. A truly democratic collection of voices and opinions, voices previously unheard from now present, the ability to publish articles that a major house wouldn’t. On the other hand, there is the new tendency of lesser known publications to publish click bait shit and fudge facts in favor of hyperbole and impact.
I Like to Watch | Midsommar
Thus began my fascination with cinema made by the most fucked up white people about the most fucked up white people ever imagined.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 30, 2019
Sesame Street needs a Hasidic Jew character. Could be a Muppet, could be a human. Yes, there’s Oscar the Grouch and Julia the Autistic, but to truly represent an individual who complains and struggles with a break from routine, a Hasidic Jew is the best you’ll get.
The Guide to Excellent Customer Service
In The Shawshank Redemption, the character of Brookes Hatlin is released after decades behind bars. The world has changed. It's faster. Cars are faster, technology is faster, people seem to be in so much more of a hurry than when he was convicted. The speed of things and the lack of familiarity in simple day-to-day living pushes him further and further into a corner that he can only find one means of escape from - a rope.
The Reasons Behind the Celebration
“In our personal ambitions we are individualists. But in our seeking for economic and political progress as a nation, we all go up or else all go down as one people.”
—Franklin D. Roosevelt
Loving Your Country is Like Loving Your Child
I love my daughter more than anything. I am devoted to her. I would die to defend her.
But that doesn’t mean I defend or justify every single thing she does. When she tries to claw her mother’s eyes out because she hasn’t peeled a banana fast enough, I let her know that that shit is not acceptable. My love for her motivates me to help her not be an asshole. I want her to succeed at being a worthwhile person. I want her to realize her full potential. Which I’ll again briefly mention is enormous, probably greater than your kids’, if you have them.
This brings me to love of country; patriotism.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Ivanka Washington
If I weren’t already married to your mother, I would totally scoop you up and make you my wife.
A Rescue Call Despite the Odds
What’s the matter, why don’t you know who you are? Wake up, America,
it’s me shaking you by the shoulders like Jim shakes any given guest star
out on the Final Frontier:
My Old Man and the Sea, and Me
A blackened city looms ahead
With foreboding consequences obvious in the darkness.
Behind us, a bright sky and calm waters and the time I feel we used wisely.
“We would have been home if you hadn’t been so anal,” my old man says.
“It’s better to fix and fully prep your vessel in port,” I reply. “Helps us avoid trouble at sea.”
The wind arrives in furious fashion.
The knots speed up — they tighten and strengthen.
We’re under motor but that don’t matter none.
The tiny and mighty storm has found our little vessel.
We might as well throw the wheel overboard
For all the good it’s doing.
I Believe… [College Isn't Mandatory]
...that while I completely agree that college should be tuition-free in the United States, asking for previous student loans to be forgiven is a bit much. College is optional, not mandatory and anyone who signed up for a loan to go knew exactly what they were getting into.
Repost: Playing Dead in the Face of Responsibility
Human beings are among the most vulnerable creatures on the planet. No armor, no big claws, can't fucking run fast, not particularly strong. Even the strongest man on the planet (you know, the redneck fucker who can pull a tractor with his teeth or hang an anvil from his balls) is just a thin-skinned hot dog meal to a mountain lion.
So we compensate with misdirection.
Corporate Sexual Harassment Training is a Hamfisted, Poorly Thought Out Necessity
Yes, we watched another video of clueless idiots harassing each other with a dumbfounded obtuseness that defies how actual humans behave. In my time in the workforce, I think I’ve seen five of these videos and none of them are repeats which begs the question: how many fucking Sexual Harassment Training videos are in existence and can we have a mini-film festival featuring the best or worst ones?
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.