The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Ivanka Washington

The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Ivanka Washington

Ivanka Washington with one of her brothers. Both suffered from an inability to find properly fitting hats.

Ivanka Washington with one of her brothers. Both suffered from an inability to find properly fitting hats.

By Joe Janes 

Continental Congress

Independence Hall, Philadelphia, PA

July 4, 1776 9:30am – Just outside the hall

In Attendance: Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, John Adams, George Washington,

Ivanka Washington

Jefferson – Gentlemen, here it is. The latest and, I hope, final draft of The Declaration of Independence. 

Adams- You have excellent penmanship.

Jefferson – Thank you. We’ll need to hire someone for additional copies. Cramps. I need my hands at full mobility when I harvest my hemp.

Franklin – You mean when your slaves harvest your hemp. 

Jefferson – Yes. I mean, I need my hands when I use the hemp. 

(They all laugh. George Washington enters accompanied by his daughter Patsy.)

Washington – I am glad to see everyone is in a jovial mood as we move forward separating ourselves from the British. 

Ivanka – Hi!

Jefferson – Good to see you, Mr. Washington. Thank you for lending us your support when we address congress.

Ivanka – I like declarations. You should see how I declarated our parlor. I used many red and blue declarations.

Washington – You did a wonderful job, Sweetie. If I weren’t already married to your mother, I would totally scoop you up and make you my wife. 

Franklin – Even I find that disturbing.

Adams – General Washington, we are about to present the most important document every written for our future. Why don’t you head on in and Patsy can wait in the carriage?

Ivanka – I don’t want to wait in the carriage! I want to be in here where important things are happening. I’m important, too!

Washington – My daughter is just as capable as anyone else to stand before congress and speak on behalf of the soon-to-be country. 

Jefferson – Your daughter designs satchels for women that are made by children in India for pennies and sold here for dollars. 

Ivanka – I made a green one this week. It’s like all the other satchels, but it is green. 

Washington – See? She has a keen sense for business. 

Franklin – This really isn’t the place for someone’s daughter, George. 

Washington – Patsy is one of the smartest women I know, and just look at how she fills out a bustle. That’s her own rump, by the way. 

Ivanka – “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Adams – That sounds beautiful. Quite eloquent, Jefferson. 

Ivanka – I can read!

Washington – Good job, Patsy. 

Ivanka – I always read out loud when I read, otherwise, I can’t hear what I am saying. 

Adams – It sounds a little less eloquent, now. 

Jefferson – What’s this? Ivanka, did you write your name of the Declaration of Independence?

Ivanka – I can write my name!

Washington – Ivanka, dear, let’s go inside and get a seat up front for the congressional session. Good luck, boys!

(Washington and his daughter head into the hall.)

Adams – This is a catastrophe. We can’t show this document to congress!

Jefferson – It is no longer worth the parchment upon which it is written.

Franklin – Fear not. Just give me a moment. I invented something for just such an occasion. I call it Off-White Out.  

Ben Franklin, the inventor of Off-White Out.

Ben Franklin, the inventor of Off-White Out.

 

 

 

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