The Best Goddamn Salad You’ve Ever Eaten or Go Hungry
Gang, while a cliché, it is so true that life is relatively short. When, at fifty-three, I can see how fragile things are, how quickly the wakening up to the world is snuffed out on a continual basis, I comprehend a simple truth: if you can’t muster a white hot passion for the people and the world around you, that short life is a prison. I’m not a big fan of prison, so I prefer to Carpé that fucking Diem and eat the ass out of life.
I Believe… [90% of Republicans Approve of The Trump, We Might Want to Re-strategize This Deal]
…that if 90 percent of Republicans approve of Donald’s “work” as president in February 2019, we’re doing a piss-poor job persuading them otherwise.
Hung Up on a Guy; Mad at My Friends; Drinking in a Loud, Crowded Bar
big deal crazy
live or die
sick movement time
foot in front of foot
things miss things remember
Skip Taylor and The Devil Dog
Sometimes it was downright eerie looking at that dog. He was still Cyrus - all muscle and grin - but he was MORE than.
Book Club Made Me Read It: Carrie
Male writers please take note, you really do not need to describe the shape and relative perkiness of the breasts of every woman who appears in your book. In fact, in most cases you need to describe the breasts of none of the women who appear in your book. I have no recollection of what color hair most of these women were supposed to have, but I can tell you they’ve pretty much all got perky tits.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 3, 2019
Few things are funnier than a hysterical person. The R. Kelly interview on CBS This Morning was the best standup comedy I’ve seen since watching Nanette.
American Shithole #50 | Kirstjen Nielsen: Deadeyes Over Dead Kids
“They’ve come all this way, thousands of miles across hostile territory, and we’ve raped them, and murdered them,” I thought.
“And this fucking cunt came to congress to rustle some fucking papers, and fumble some fucking answers.” I seethed.
I am fucking livid — and thankfully I’m not the only one.
The Faux Power That Comes With a Video Camera in Your Pocket
If there is a Murphy’s Law sort of thing for new technologies, it probably goes something like “For every good a new technology can do, there will be five assholes who use it badly.”
The Minutes of The Minutes of Our Last Meeting Staff Meeting
Mercury is in retrograde. Does that affect brains?
Fall & Spring Semesters
My inbox was often empty.
No new messages.
I checked too frequently, never giving it a chance to fill up, never giving my family and friends a chance to think about me.
FAQs: Ethical Nonmonogamy (Part 2)
Don’t all nonmonogamous relationships end in fiery disaster?
No, but you’re probably asking this question because you’ve heard about at least one that did. Your cousin’s best friend’s brother opened his relationship and then his wife left him for her new girlfriend, right?
I Believe… [Give No Tantrum a Cookie]
…that when you reward petulance in order to avoid the conflict, the conflict will be ever-present. The tantrum-throwing child (or adult) should never be given the cookie to placate them.
A Little Trouble in Big Paradise
The official title must resemble something like “Concessions and Party Hostess.” Birthday parties on Mondays and shifts between 4.5 and 8 hours on a couple other days. Part-part time. Non-negotiable. If you’re already rolling your eyes at this nearly forty year old woman over here thinking for a minute that this was a good idea, you’re absolutely right. I guess I’ll shrug again and say “Hey, I’ll try just about anything once.”
The Dogma of Measurement and Metrics: When #Hustle Defines Who You Are
Success in any field is definitely a numbers game but, aside from hard income versus expenditure, the rest is just made-up nonsense designed to sell you the idea that by devoting your every waking hour to the job (or jobs or side jobs or avocations) you will be the model of success.
FAQs: Ethical Nonmonogamy (Part 1)
What is ethical nonmonogamy?
Ethical nonmonogamy refers to any relationship which meets the following criteria:
It is not monogamous
All parties involved know that the relationship is not monogamous
All parties involved consent to being in a relationship that is not monogamous
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of February 24, 2019
Personalities can be awful when there’s more than one in a room.
Your Life Is Not Like the Movies Part 2
A couple of years ago I penned a piece that broke down some basic ways movies distort our version of ourselves because, face it, like most storytelling, movies are made of lies we really want to be true. Looks like it’s time for another take on this idea:
American Shithole #49 | Welcome Back, Cohen
“He is a racist. He is a Conman. He is a cheat.”
- Michael Cohen, on Donald Trump during his opening statement.
“Damn, save that for your closer, Michael!” I blurted at the television.
The Day I Visited Animal Jail
I had never been inside the Humane Society before. Whenever I talk dogs with people they tell me to avoid that place because it’s a kill shelter and no one should support a kill shelter. But I always thought that if we don’t adopt the animals from those places, we’re sentencing them to death. Plus, if you aren’t picky about a breed or age of your dog you may as well go to a shelter and take one home. Right?
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Presidential Committee on Climate Security Chair Interview
We are just one big tiddly-wink floating in the solar system.
The second voice arrived on Thursday morning while Monte was attempting to make toast.