American Shithole #50 | Kirstjen Nielsen: Deadeyes Over Dead Kids

American Shithole #50 | Kirstjen Nielsen: Deadeyes Over Dead Kids

By Eric Wilson

Knowing that everyone in this administration eventually pays a terrible price does ease the nausea I experience every single fucking time I see United States Secretary of Homeland Security Kirstjen Nielsen lying through her jagged teeth.

She is my favorite kind of privileged, white, American female — she’s clawed her way from the upper-middle, all the way to the very bottom of the GOP barrel — and now she has the look of a mother confused to find out that suffocating her own children was indeed, a crime.

What if they were bad, or better yet, brown?

What if they were bad, or better yet, brown?

Today, Secretary Nielsen avoided inquiry regarding the sexually abused (and dead) kids in our American cages; sorry, custody — children that had come here looking for asylum; instead finding horror, suffering, and for some, their final days.

Nielsen deflected questions as she has done before (she astonishingly looked to deflect the Christmas Eve death of an eight-year-old Guatemalan boy a few months ago), awkwardly squawking her prepared answers; pausing occasionally to peruse her files, as if she were looking for a brownie recipe she wanted to share.

“They’ve come all this way, thousands of miles across hostile territory, and we’ve raped them, and murdered them,” I thought.

“And this fucking cunt came to Congress to rustle some fucking papers, and fumble some fucking answers.” I seethed.

I am fucking livid — and thankfully I’m not the only one.

My favorite exchange occurred between Nielsen and Rep. Nanette Barragán; the following excerpt taken from CNN:

Barragán: You testified that asylum seekers are not being turned away at the ports of entry. Was that your testimony here today?

Nielsen: They are not turned away — they are brought in — I am not sure if you are talking about the migrant protection protocol. But in that case—

Barragán: Any asylum seeker who comes to a port of entry, you basically have just said—

Nielsen: You are allowed to make your claim.

Barragán: Okay. Well, let me tell you, Madam Secretary, either you are lying to this committee, or you don’t know what’s happening at the border. I have been there firsthand, and I have seen it, twice.

(Let me help you out, Nanette — she’s lying.)

As I stare out my window enjoying the rare storm blowing across the Nevada desert, I can’t help but think how fucking tired we must be of this madness. The abject cruelty to children should be more than any American can bear.

It should be.

kids in cages.png

Let me do my part in saying fuck you, Kirstjen Nielsen. Fuck you, for this permanent stain on our already shit-covered, star-spangled American fabric.

You will be gone long before Trump is; and that revolving door of an administration will definitely be hitting you in the ass on your way out.

I look forward to her ruin; even if it will be, sadly, long before Trump is ever brought to justice.

More than that though, I look forward to not having to poison my fucking soul covering these loathsome fucking wretches every week. All of our problems certainly won’t end with Trump’s removal from office, but this column probably should.

I figure if I take a few weeks off here and there, nineteen months from now when we take back the White House (or fail all of humanity if we don’t), that should bring American Shithole up to #100.

I like round numbers just as much as everyone else — I don’t comb the rug hairs, or anything — but I like a tidy package.

Pointing out horrible people and human weaknesses though, never wins you any favors. Like Don Hall wrote recently, we all say we like the truth-tellers, but we rarely ever, really do.

It is an unfortunate truth that most people want the world to remain just as they believed it to be when they were young. No one likes the fears they protect challenged, or their beliefs examined, their hypocrisies exposed — hell, I don’t even know if the mighty Bill Hicks himself could get through to any of these country bumpkins liquored up on the Trump Juice.

That shit’s nasty.

You drink that moonshine, you go blind, and apparently the world loses a democracy.

white lives matter.jpg

Besides, Donald Trump gave the racists exactly what they wanted — the freedom to openly express all of their anger and hatred, without fear of reprisal.

Yet, as we have already seen, there are consequences. We need to keep those consequences coming — both in the courts, and the court of public opinion.

Watching Kirstjen Nielsen justifying the suffering of the children currently sitting in cages, separated from their families — children that are confirming an astonishing number of instances of sexual assault by their captors — fills me with a near-apoplectic rage.

In one of the rare non-Trump-speaking instances where I felt compelled to storm out of the room, I had to stop watching this wretched abomination as she lied to congress — for fear of stroke.

I mean, we lost Luke Perry already this week.

Here’s another fact that Trump supporters seem unwilling or unable to understand:

Only Trump gets away with this shit.

Everyone else in his administration will leave either in disgust, disgrace, or handcuffs.

His loyalists will find that living down a colossal fuckup like this — one that will be in the history books one hundred, two hundred, five hundred years from now (if we’re still around) — is easier said than done.

For me, I will be looking toward November 2020 as my exit cue.

I mean, if he fucking wins, after all of this incompetence, stupidity, cruelty, treachery and treason? I can’t write about that fucking giant, orange colostomy bag destroying America and the world, for another four years. I’d stroke out in three months, tops.


Luke Perry was a year older than me, for fuck’s sake.

He was buff as shit too; whereas I look like I just scored the role of “Fat Pirate” in Pineapple Express II.

 RIP, dreamboat.

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