David Himmel 10/26/18 David Himmel 10/26/18

Notes from the Post-it Wall | Halloween Edition

If I were to go trick-or-treating, I’d rather receive a red delicious apple with razor blades and anthrax in it than Bit-O-Honey.

Mike Vinopal 10/26/18 Mike Vinopal 10/26/18

Noble X — Episode 12: Evidence Mounts

Something about the way she noticed his clothing seems significant to John and an overwhelming urge to record this interaction immediately rises inside him. “I need a notebook,” chases its tail in his head.

Contributing Writer 10/25/18 Contributing Writer 10/25/18

American Shithole #31 | Bomb Building Basics for Simpletons

If we let Klepto-Capitalism play out to its logical conclusion, humanity will end up with only a handful of people with any real power — and at that point the cancer is beyond stage five; the cancer is incurable.

Jenni Thurston 10/25/18 Jenni Thurston 10/25/18

The Passing of the Hat: A Halloween Story

The harvest moon hangs heavy in the velvet embrace of the sky. Near the curled shoes of Bella Baker, a toad jumps into taller grass. The song of crickets rises and falls. The crisp air of Samhain finds all exposed flesh and gives it a little nip, just enough to remember that one is alive.

Joe Janes 10/24/18 Joe Janes 10/24/18

The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Saudi Arabia Cracks Down On Satire

. #CrownPrince, #السعودية, #AridDadJokes, #DeathToInfidels, #WWAD

Don Hall 10/24/18 Don Hall 10/24/18

Problematic Movies of the 80s | Risky Business (1983)

I’m not entirely sure why I voted for Ronald Reagan in 1984 but I’m starting to suspect that it may have had something to do with my love of movies featuring rich, white boys and their capitalistic coming of age stories.

Elizabeth Harper 10/23/18 Elizabeth Harper 10/23/18

Two Poems: She Said; He Said

She said, “Why are you wasting your time?”

As if all there was to it
was making a good deal.
Closing the deal.
Completing the con.

Don Hall 10/22/18 Don Hall 10/22/18

I Believe… [Can I Just Eat My Omelette?]

…that once you’ve hit a point of notoriety in town when people who know who you are but have never met you already have a negative opinion of you see you in a local restaurant and feel strongly enough about it to make a scene, perhaps its time to run for office.

David Himmel 10/22/18 David Himmel 10/22/18

Top 5 Scariest Films for Halloween

I’ve never been a fan of haunted houses. I spook too easily, I guess. I’m not the guy they want walking through their halls anyhow. In past houses I’ve committed all offenses in reaction to being spooked: punched a worker square in the nose; stomped to death some kind of mechanical tentacle protruding from the floorboards; grabbed a psychotic clown by his wig and headbutted him in the teeth; made my wife go first.

Around this time of year, I’m a bigger fan of staying in where the people around me are safe. But I still enjoy giving myself the heebie-jeebies. That’s why I’m offering you, dear reader, my pick of the Top 5 Scariest Films you should watch this Halloween.

Shutter
Gravity
The Force Awakens
Superman III
Mannequin

David Himmel 10/21/18 David Himmel 10/21/18

For the Love of Little Broken Things: A Chicago Hairstylist Emerges Stronger After Fire

We’re all rebuilding. We all want to be beautiful. We’re all seeking gratification. Krepel went through the fire and emerged to give us a place that is as much ours as it is hers. A place where we can feel beautiful, where we can feel gratified, because when we feel good, we don’t want to burn the whole fucking thing down. She’s given Chicago a place that proves the most beautiful things often come from the things that were the most broken.

Don Hall 10/20/18 Don Hall 10/20/18

Problematic Movies of the 80s | Class (1983)

Revisiting those films from my youth (which also happen to be the films of Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh’s youth) to see if they pass the burn test.

David Himmel 10/19/18 David Himmel 10/19/18

Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of October 14, 2018

Go ahead and call her horseface, buddy. You fucked her.

Contributing Writer 10/18/18 Contributing Writer 10/18/18

American Shithole #30 — I’m the Grinch Who Stole Halloween

So I really don’t watch anything remotely scary any more. I mean, other than the news.

Don Hall 10/18/18 Don Hall 10/18/18

Oh C’mon... We’re All a Little Bit Native American at This Point

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. The greatest trick The Donald ever pulled was convincing the world he was an idiot.

Joe Janes 10/17/18 Joe Janes 10/17/18

The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | The Columbia College Provost Says Goodbye

Spoiler alert – the entire fashion department is going to be put on-line - replaced by an etsy account. Pure profit.

Sponsored Content 10/17/18 Sponsored Content 10/17/18

Support Your Apes!

And here we are, chimps with a fez and a cup, dancing for dollars.

Help out some simians, wilya?

Sponsored Content 10/17/18 Sponsored Content 10/17/18

Tutoring Chicago’s Got Talent, or Hey Kids, Let’s Put on a Show at The Store

On Tuesday, October 23, the third annual Tutoring Chicago’s Got Talent will take place at The Store at 2002 N. Halsted in Chicago.

Don Hall 10/16/18 Don Hall 10/16/18

Hysteria in the Face of a Hook in My Scrotum

It’s likely that parents reading this have already crossed themselves or knocked on wood in deference to the fact that their children would never be put in these positions. That their children are safe.

Don Hall 10/15/18 Don Hall 10/15/18

I Believe… [Doubling Down on Losing]

…that nothing screams “LOSER!” like someone so fully committed to a decades-long losing political strategy that it seems righteous to continue to defend it despite all evidence that demonstrates its ineffectiveness. This includes proponents of both Trickle Down Economics and Identity Politics.

Chris Churchill 10/15/18 Chris Churchill 10/15/18

Ratboy Wants It All To Crumble

One of the aspects of my sicker self that I love, hate, respect, pity, and appreciate is a guy that I named “Ratboy”.