I Believe… [Can I Just Eat My Omelette?]
…that once you’ve hit a point of notoriety in town when people who know who you are but have never met you already have a negative opinion of you see you in a local restaurant and feel strongly enough about it to make a scene, perhaps its time to run for office.
Top 5 Scariest Films for Halloween
I’ve never been a fan of haunted houses. I spook too easily, I guess. I’m not the guy they want walking through their halls anyhow. In past houses I’ve committed all offenses in reaction to being spooked: punched a worker square in the nose; stomped to death some kind of mechanical tentacle protruding from the floorboards; grabbed a psychotic clown by his wig and headbutted him in the teeth; made my wife go first.
Around this time of year, I’m a bigger fan of staying in where the people around me are safe. But I still enjoy giving myself the heebie-jeebies. That’s why I’m offering you, dear reader, my pick of the Top 5 Scariest Films you should watch this Halloween.
Shutter
Gravity
The Force Awakens
Superman III
Mannequin
For the Love of Little Broken Things: A Chicago Hairstylist Emerges Stronger After Fire
We’re all rebuilding. We all want to be beautiful. We’re all seeking gratification. Krepel went through the fire and emerged to give us a place that is as much ours as it is hers. A place where we can feel beautiful, where we can feel gratified, because when we feel good, we don’t want to burn the whole fucking thing down. She’s given Chicago a place that proves the most beautiful things often come from the things that were the most broken.
Problematic Movies of the 80s | Class (1983)
Revisiting those films from my youth (which also happen to be the films of Supreme Court Justice Kavanaugh’s youth) to see if they pass the burn test.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of October 14, 2018
Go ahead and call her horseface, buddy. You fucked her.
American Shithole #30 — I’m the Grinch Who Stole Halloween
So I really don’t watch anything remotely scary any more. I mean, other than the news.
Oh C’mon... We’re All a Little Bit Native American at This Point
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. The greatest trick The Donald ever pulled was convincing the world he was an idiot.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | The Columbia College Provost Says Goodbye
Spoiler alert – the entire fashion department is going to be put on-line - replaced by an etsy account. Pure profit.
Support Your Apes!
And here we are, chimps with a fez and a cup, dancing for dollars.
Help out some simians, wilya?
Tutoring Chicago’s Got Talent, or Hey Kids, Let’s Put on a Show at The Store
On Tuesday, October 23, the third annual Tutoring Chicago’s Got Talent will take place at The Store at 2002 N. Halsted in Chicago.
Hysteria in the Face of a Hook in My Scrotum
It’s likely that parents reading this have already crossed themselves or knocked on wood in deference to the fact that their children would never be put in these positions. That their children are safe.
I Believe… [Doubling Down on Losing]
…that nothing screams “LOSER!” like someone so fully committed to a decades-long losing political strategy that it seems righteous to continue to defend it despite all evidence that demonstrates its ineffectiveness. This includes proponents of both Trickle Down Economics and Identity Politics.
Ratboy Wants It All To Crumble
One of the aspects of my sicker self that I love, hate, respect, pity, and appreciate is a guy that I named “Ratboy”.
Problematic Movies of the 80s | The Cannonball Run (1981)
“This isn’t what I expected.”
“What did you expect?”
“I dunno. Gang rape?”
“Oh, Beauty. We’re racers not rapers.”
Brian Babylon — "Babylon Ball Z" Comedy Album Review
Brian Babylon, who calls himself the Prince of Bronzeville when shadowboxing in his bathroom mirror each morning, has released his first comedy album, Babylon Ball Z. It will probably make you laugh.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of October 7, 2018
The only thing stranger than Kanye West’s meeting with President Trump in the Oval Office is that one time Sammy Davis Jr. blew President Nixon in the Lincoln Bedroom.
American Shithole #29 | End of Act II (The Empire Struck Back)
It is quite possible now, that McConnell and the republican Senate, Ryan and the republican House, the President, his entire administration — all of them — all of them are going to get away with everything. If so, in the immortal words of C-3PO, “We’re doomed.”
Welcome to the end of Act II, America.
Finding New Ways to Create | Body Passages Series: Poetry and Dance Collaborations
From conversations with the collaborators and curators, especially Jeanette (Jae) Green, Sara Maslanka, and Natasha Mijares, I was able to gain more insights into the interconnectedness of poetry and dance and the collaborative, creative process.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Trump Apologizes to Plantation Owners
If I could return your slaves, I would.
Regime Change in the Age of Trump
White males do not need a safe space and shouldn’t cry about when called names on Twitter or protested by a crowd. But neither should black males, white females, or anyone else.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.