How To Get Rich Using Possession
I’m laying there, terrified, paralyzed, praying, shaking, listening to my ragged breathing and pounding heart. But nothing happens. Is this some kind of nightmare? Am I having… what do they call it, sleep paralysis?
I Believe.. [Maybe They Should've Called It "Turdsie"]
…that, if you’re going to adapt Tootsie for the stage as a musical, perhaps a focus on creating memorable songs, a believable narrative and avoiding a ball peen hammer approach to modernizing it for the #MeToo zeitgeist might be a better way to go.
Goldilocks Would Never Be friends with 2/3rds of You
Goldilocks probably felt the same way about people as she did beds and porridge.
Problematic Movies of the 80s | Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)
I was 16 years old when this hit the theaters. What I remember of this movie was that I liked it, thought it was funny and mostly loved the character of Brad (played by a young Judge Reinhold.) The Spicoli character, played with stoner perfection by Sean Penn loomed large, and the fact that I got to see Phoebe Cates’ tits was a big plus. I saw it in the theater only once but it left a good impression upon my teenage brain. It felt authentic in many ways to my own high school experience as it was unfolding.
Upon rewatching it to see how potentially problematic the thing was, here are some takeaways…
The Best Book About Suicide I Ever Read
Being suicidal is part of my personality. I’ve written funny suicide poems and more serious suicide poems… oh, what the hell, they’re always funny to me, unless they’re not. Really, just writing it down makes it manageable and puts it in perspective. Makes me realize my worldview is so full of doom and gloom, it’s actually funny. Like an emo or goth who is actually a clown.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of September 30, 2018
The problem with instant gratification is that it makes satisfaction hard to come by.
On Fear and Silence
When I watched Dr. Christine Blasey Ford testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee, I felt her desire to be believed, and her fear that she wouldn’t be, as palpably as if it were my own.
It is my own.
I am afraid to tell this story. I’m afraid to put it out into the world and let others judge its seriousness and its veracity.
American Shithole #28 — Keeping Up with the Kavanaughs
“Boys will be boys,” some old, crusty bitches have said about drunk, teenage rapists — by the way, fuck you, conservative white women over 50. Seriously, fuck you. I want a new world order where you get assaulted at bridge club by wandering donkeys fed solely on Viagra.
Hey, donkeys on Viagra will be donkeys, you crusty fucking bitches.
When the Plate Glass Decapitates You and Trump Is the Only Thing On Your Mind
Like a heavy feather, the plate glass gracefully sliced through air for 7.6 seconds before gently decapitating Flores where she stood.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Christian Halloween Party Planning
The kids have to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories while the other kids have to guess what the story is. It’s like Pictionary without the pornography.
And Sometimes I Drive A Trolley
I do a lot of stuff. I write for this magazine. I teach improv, film, documentary and theater to kids. I teach test prep to teens. I teach communication and public speaking courses to college freshmen. But when it comes to the subject of me, the thing that seems to get most people’s attention, is my oldest stream of income. I drive a trolley and give tours. I have for over 20 years.
America is Not the Amityville Horror or Poltergeist House
The house that is the United States, if it were an actual house, has plenty of flakey hemoglobin on the grounds.
I Believe… [Go to the Gym Anyway…]
…that the days you really don’t want to go to the gym — making excuses, promising yourself that you’ll fast that day if only you can skip — but do are the days that matter most.
Thou Doth Protest Too Much is Likely a Predator
My newsfeed is inundated with people digitally crying over Kavanaugh’s advance and rightfully so. I can’t help but wonder how many of these digital tears are from closeted abusers. A closeted abuser is someone that seems, to the naked eye, like a totally normal guy.
Love Curse — Part VIII: The Conclusion
LEN AWOKE HANGING UPSIDE DOWN FROM THE CEILING IN SOME TYPE OF SMALL, DARK, BROKEN DOWN SHACK. An old hag was below him chewing off his fingernails. He tried to scream but realized that his tongue had been ripped from his mouth.
Real Life Ghost Stories: Moon Point Cemetery
According to ye good ol’ internet, Moon Point Cemetery has a legend of the Hatchet Lady, who is said to have gone crazy from the death of her child and guarded the grave with a hatchet to protect it. Even in death, she remains an eternal vigil of her child’s grave.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of September 23, 2018
Think of how much more interesting The Diary of a Young Girl would have been if young Anne Frank had a little Amsterdam hash with her in that attic.
Love Curse — Part VII
I’M GLAD THAT CHANDELIER FELL ON ME. Ironically, for someone named Hope, I sure didn't have any—hope, that is. I had a cynical vision of my future with hubby Phillip.
American Shithole #27 — There’s More Room for Billionaires on a Starving Planet
Besides, the number of people clipped, side-swiped, T-boned, or completely totaled by this administration, is ever-growing. Make no mistake about it, your turn getting run over is coming — you need to vote; pretty please, with sugar on top.
Notes From the Chippewa Moraine
If you’ve never woken alone in the middle of the night to the sound of a coyote screaming about 50 feet from your campsite, then drifted nearly back to sleep only to hear it cry again, closer this time, and then lope straight through your camp, you’ve missed out on a truly unsettled night’s sleep.
These backpacking trips are an opportunity to get away from the world. Maybe more importantly, they’re an opportunity to get out of my own head.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.