Leaving Afghanistan Better Than We Found It was Never Possible
I’ve been thinking a lot about my friend Jordan lately. I haven’t seen her in a while and I would like to get together with her, her husband Tom—have them over to our new place, see the kid, drink some beer, have some laughs. But mostly, I’ve been thinking about Jordan because of a rule she lived by during her dating years.
“Always leave your ex better than you found them.”
Hell is a Sunday Matinee
The most acid I've ever taken by accident was at a Saturday night cast party.
I Believe... [Comfort is Overrated]
I believe... that the worst perpetual state for any human creative is comfortable. Seeking out discomfort is the source of every great risk and every great reward.
I Like to Watch | The Chair (Netflix)
The fact that there are thinkpieces out in the ether complaining that the series doesn't skewer the teachers, the students, Melville, or any of the other popular demons but centers its criticism on all involved indicates the thing has legs.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 22, 2021
I've met rabid Evangelicals who are easier on the senses than most basic bitches with their rush to autumn—pumpkin spice, sweaters, and jackets. You people are insufferable prior to September 21st and mind numbingly annoying every day thereafter.
How About Some Upbeat News for Fuck's Sake?
Among the most shrill in our daily discourse is a small group of Utopians suffering from utopian idealism. Utopians compare the present with what might be called the future perfect, not the past imperfect. Instead of seeing the present as a vast improvement on the past, they see the present as failing to live up to some sort of an imagined utopia.
Bullet Flu & The NRA Variant
If you have a gun and go outdoors, wear a mask.
I Like to Watch | Mrs. America (Hulu)
If there's one source of joy I embrace in film and television it's superhero shit. No johnny-come-lately, I loved that stuff before I had pubic hair so the fun I have watching any show featuring super-powered characters is incomparable. A close second is historical political dramas. I love 'em.
I Believe... [OnlyUptightFans]
...that OnlyFans banning pornographic material is like Texas banning beef or Grindr banning gay men.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 15, 2021
Peeing in the shower is one thing. Peeing in the bath is monstrous.
What Happens When Everyone Gets Bored with the Scolds?
We're bored out of our everliving skulls with the hysteria. The faux outrage has worn us right the fuck out. We're fed-up with Bob Dylan being accused of doing something in 1965 and moving on with life. We're nodding off every time we hear someone (usually young but not always) crying wolf every moment of every day.
Meet the NEW Taliban!
Stonings – We will only use soft rocks. Stonings may take longer, but they will be way more comfortable. Like a lethal massage.
The First Call
The ringing of the phone reverberated throughout the office. You can tell who’s calling by the ring, whether it’s a good call or one which foretells disaster. The phone knows. Its voice sends you a message. You have to be smart enough, open enough, to understand its language.
I Believe... [Go to the Beach!]
...that the ocean is an abstract concept for millions of Americans. Wanna get people to take cleaning it up seriously? Get ‘em to the beach for a day and experience it once.
The Artistic Subtlety of “Pig” and Nicolas Cage
I texted my friend, Adam, who appreciates the Cagester more than me. “We’ve got to see this,” I said, basically wanting to see it to mock Cage. We did. And when it ended, I was stunned. It was nothing like I expected. No hazardous car chases. No deathly shootouts. No exaggerations. Just a lonely man looking for his pig. It was, simply put, sensational.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 8, 2021
Agent Peggy Carter is totally hot. Cartoon Captain Carter is even hotter. If that makes me a misogynist, you’re wrong. It makes me horny for a cartoon.
Carpe
His dad used to tell him (when the man was sober) that life gave you three choices: fail and wallow in it, coast and be unfulfilled, or swing for the fences and maybe—MAYBE—do something notable.
Dad seemed to be OK with the first.
Swing for the fences. Seize the day.
What Else Can We Name After President Donald J. Trump?
The President Trump Offical Presidential Library (just a kiosk between sunglasses and smartphone covers at a dying mall in southern Florida)
The Suicide Squad Solidifies the Genre-Crossing Brilliance of Comic Book Films
While his is not the first genre film featuring comic book characters, The Suicide Squad is so good, so fun, and so well put together, its very existence puts concrete to the future of all superhero projects.
Introducing XwhyZ Podcast!
Jackie Brandenburg is young. She’s a Zoomer. She is frightfully Woke. She also just received her college degree in Politic Science so she knows a thing or two about both the ills of the world and some ideas on how to solve them.
I have more life experience than Jackie. She’s already smarter than me.
Thus, XwhyZ.
The first chapter of an in-progress novel.
“The voice began on a Tuesday morning while Monte Walsh was standing in his kitchen, holding an unopened package of bacon over the garbage can.”