Trip Report Day 9: Santa Fe, New Mexico
The Molehill of the Pronoun Thing: A BUGHOUSE! Dialectic
If all of America was 100 people in a room, 65 of them would be white, 16 would be Hispanic, 13 would be black, 5 would be Asian, and the remaining one person would be everybody else. 52 would be women, 48 men. A whopping 95 would be heterosexual. Of the five left, just over half of one of them would be transgender.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Valentine's Day Edition
Valentine’s Day is a lot like getting asked to tell a joke on demand. There’s a lot of pressure to perform perfectly and usually you come up short.
I Like to Watch | Valentine’s Day Moobies
Here is a list of films I recommend you sit down and watch while jamming those chalky heart candies into your maw while guzzling box wine in your yoga pants.
Trip Report | Day 8: Grants, New Mexico
Newbie tip: Bibblets are little seeds and bits of undergrowth that can stick to a tiny dog’s muzzle. If your dog is taller than an iPhone, don’t worry about them.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | President’s Council on Fitness New Guidelines
He’s the busiest president ever – he does a lot of golfing, standing at podiums, shifting in his seat, tweeting.
Democracy Post-"Impeachment": Dead, But Still Heartsick
Thomas Jefferson comes to mind, as he referred to knowledge in his thoughts and writings as Light
You best believe when our sweaty overdressed forefathers were sitting in a Philadelphia courthouse day after day for months during a sweltering summer trying to birth this country, every minute felt like a pressure-cooked eternity of Light.
The True Power of Balls Out Risk and Monumentally Fucking Up
I was thinking about the botched horror of the Fyre Festival the other day. This lead me to thinking about the Chicago Fire Festival, created by Red Moon Theatre, where the City spent a whole freaking truckload of money and, on the night of the event, no one could get anything lit on fire.
I Believe… [A Lightly Worn Hat]
…that like a character in an improvised scene, a job should be treated like a lightly worn hat, instantly removed to reveal the true self whenever necessary.
Trip Report Day 7: Grand Canyon, Arizona
Why I Shave My Beard (Or Why I Grow One in the First Place)
How odd to change my costume to solidify who I am.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of February 2, 2020
The Republican Party has unquestionably revealed itself to be criminals and cowards while the Democratic Party has unquestionably revealed itself to be grossly incompetent cowards.
Once King
He’s a man who seems older than he is as he stoops over a broom and pushes dried leaves and debris off the street. His task is never-ending. Day or night, you will find him cleaning the square under the shadow of the castle.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Presidential Medal of Rush
I want my State of the Union speech to melt all the snowflakes across America, like if climate change were a real thing.
Handling That Which We Already Knew Would Come to Pass
Second, screaming in response to what we knew would happen without even an ounce of doubt accomplishes no more than a child in want of a Slurpee throwing himself to the sticky 7-11 floor and wailing like a banshee unless he gets it.
Trip Report | Day 6: Grand Canyon, Arizona
“We should invite them for a drink,” I said after we left to go shove their plastic levelers under more wheels of our rig.
“Maybe,” Dave said. “Did you see the bumper sticker?”
“No,” though I had noticed the model name on their trailer was Connect.
“Trump-Pence 2020,” Dave said.
I Believe… [Booooooooobs….]
…that there is a disconnect between the culture of #MeToo and the culture of bikini model influencers and I’d elucidate but my brain is addled by all the boooooooobs…
Fifty-Four Years Doesn’t Seem Like That Long: What I Absorbed In the Past 365 Days
Every birthday since I was in eighth grade, I have spent some going through the year I just ended and looked for the lessons it held for me. Today I turn to page 54 in the Book, so here are the lessons of Year 54.
Holding My Son as We’re Violently Burned to Death
But, son, I was not lying when I said I’d do anything to protect you.
Anything to keep you safe.
Sometimes that meant watching you put yourself in harm’s way.
Life is pointless without risk.
Sometimes it meant watching you get your heart broken
or hearing your bones break from the bleacher seats on the sidelines.
Harm and hurt, you see, are unfortunately, required of us.
The Universe demands it.
They are two of the many ways we learn and become stronger, better people.
Or so I always tried to be better
and I hope that I instilled that desire in you.
An Ass and His Dog
For who-knows-how-long, it was just Loren and Lady. And he went nowhere without her. Yes. Even in the ER, the old Irish Setter was lying on the floor, gazing up lovingly at Loren with her brown puppy eyes.
Monte imagined approaching the counter.
“Hello, I hear Morgan Freeman narrating my life.”