Erik Lewin 11/1/19 Erik Lewin 11/1/19

Bagel Shop

My father was older than his age, hardened with experience that he wore

on his sagging cheeks. It had been a long time since his mood lightened up.

David Himmel 10/31/19 David Himmel 10/31/19

Hope Idiotic | Part 18

What Chuck’s repo man would do then is go to the house and wait in the street for Chuck to return. The first time Chuck saw the tow truck as he turned onto the street, he hit the brakes, slammed it into reverse and hightailed it to Lexi’s. He returned at 5 a.m. and, thankfully, the truck was gone. He knew this would be the new norm, so he devised a plan. He would disconnect the garage-door sensors that caused the door to lift back up when an object was in the way. He would press the garage-door remote in his car as he neared the house. Once the door was lifted, he would press the remote again to close the door. Then he’d gun it and whip the car past the repo-man’s tow truck, up the driveway and into the garage with no time to spare and no margin for error. As long as he ignored the phone calls, the doorbell and the knocking on the windows and the front door, he’d be good to go. A closed garage door meant he was safe.

Joe Janes 10/30/19 Joe Janes 10/30/19

The Minutes of Our Last Meeting Dresses Up as Literate Ape for Halloween

There was blood everywhere because, even though I am a vampire, I am a klutz.

Chris Churchill 10/29/19 Chris Churchill 10/29/19

Chris Churchill Saves the World | Green

Green is the color.

I’ve got no use for yellow most days. And, to be honest, orange generally repels me. I’ll walk away from a carrot unconsciously.

Don Hall 10/28/19 Don Hall 10/28/19

I Believe… [Political Misspelling is Dumb]

…that when I see you spell women “womxn “ and folks “folx” and white “yt,” wyte,” or “vvhite” your overwhelming virtue signaling blares so loudly that I simply can’t hear you for the noise. You’re only communicating to your trybe.

David Himmel 10/28/19 David Himmel 10/28/19

Hope Idiotic | Part 17

Lou realized that his joke wasn’t a joke at all. Not in a shrink’s office. “No, no. I’m sorry. I was being funny. Really, I’ve never thought about it. I mean, not any more than anyone else has ever thought about it. Just like, when you hear about someone doing it, you wonder about what the last thing to go through their mind was. And not the bullet, like if the person shot himself or anything. No. I’m not suicidal.”

Don Hall 10/27/19 Don Hall 10/27/19

I Like to Watch | Winnebago Man

Fame is its own aphrodisiac. With the internet, fame is much easier to attain which makes its acquisition of far less value. When anyone can become notoriously known by putting up a video of them doing something stupid and perhaps painful, the bar is set for fewer and fewer influencers to have any real influence.

Don Hall 10/26/19 Don Hall 10/26/19

Problematic Movies of the 80s | Stripes (1981)

Oh man. Stripes is a relative stew of problematic elements, simmering without malice but just as tasty when the ingredients are sussed out.

David Himmel 10/25/19 David Himmel 10/25/19

Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of October 20, 2019

I am convinced that my greatest failure is that I have far too many interests.

Brett Dworski 10/25/19 Brett Dworski 10/25/19

Wild One

They entered the open-brick condo eager to rip each other’s clothes off. Maria rubbed the front of Eric’s kakis, while he slid his fingers up her red bubble skirt. He tore her white blouse and sucked from her shoulders down to her fingertips. Maria unbelted Eric’s pants and chucked the leather across the room.

David Himmel 10/24/19 David Himmel 10/24/19

Hope Idiotic | Part 16

Later that week, Lou started therapy. He’d gone to a psychologist before when he was in sixth grade. He was misbehaving in school, collecting an average of one detention a day from one teacher or another. He even managed to get a detention while in detention. His parents were convinced his behavioral problems stemmed from some sort of internal conflict. They had mistaken internal conflict as being a twelve-year-old class clown.

Joe Janes 10/23/19 Joe Janes 10/23/19

The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Lynching Lite

Are you telling me white people aren’t allowed to be lynched? That’s racist!

Contributing Writer 10/22/19 Contributing Writer 10/22/19

The Case Against Joe Biden

With the House formally going forward with impeachment, the premise of Joe Biden’s whole campaign is obsolete. He and his campaign claimed he was the most electable and the best candidate to beat Donald Trump – patently not true anymore.

Don Hall 10/21/19 Don Hall 10/21/19

I Believe... [Insurance is Only an Entry Fee]

…that insurance is no more than the membership fee for entering a doctor’s office. It is not actually insurance against catastrophe but a payment to be allowed in the room.

David Himmel 10/21/19 David Himmel 10/21/19

Hope Idiotic | Part 15

Chuck was going to write. He was going to edit the magazine. He was going to be productive. But he miscalculated the balance of booze and pills and his ability to work, so he instead ended up getting plowed, destroyed the motel room and slept on the beach with his head inside the empty beer case to protect his glasses.

Don Hall 10/20/19 Don Hall 10/20/19

The Destructiveness of Deprivation and Want

In 1974, I used to troll around my Arizona neighborhood and beat up Cub Scouts regularly.

Elizabeth Harper 10/19/19 Elizabeth Harper 10/19/19

Tutoring Chicago’s Got Talent, or Hey Kids, Let’s Put on a Show at The Store

Tutoring Chicago’s Got Talent is a variety show featuring volunteer tutors and their friends performing music, comedy, poetry, and more. Current and potential volunteers and supporters will have a chance to socialize while enjoying the show. Donations and proceeds from raffle ticket sales will go to benefit Tutoring Chicago.

David Himmel 10/18/19 David Himmel 10/18/19

Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of October 13, 2019

The Eagles are a grossly overrated band. Separate from that, Hotel California might be the most terrible song ever recorded. Worse, yes, than Rebecca Black’s Friday.

Guest User 10/18/19 Guest User 10/18/19

The Throwing Muse

Here’s what’s wrong with Eric and Marie: Eric is a twenty-eight-year-old writer. He’s alright at it and lives off of it when it pays well, which is most of the time, and he’s made a comfortable space for he and Marie in their marriage in the world. But as of the past two months, and for no particular reason, Eric has the unfortunate luck to be experiencing what writers sometimes call a "block," which some claim does not really exist and others claim can be all but deadly. This is Eric’s problem.

David Himmel 10/17/19 David Himmel 10/17/19

Hope Idiotic | Part 14

CHUCK CLAIMED HE WAS ATTENDING AA MEETINGS ON A REGULAR BASIS. So each morning, Melvin stuck his nose right into Chuck’s open mouth and told him to breathe. These closed-door sessions were disguised as short, daily program meetings so as not to drum up any suspicion that something covert was going on. Not that anyone could have guessed that Chuck was allowing his superior to huff his morning breath.