The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Blockface!
This was 1984. Michael Jackson was still black then.
Dial A for Anxiety — When a Stranger Asks to Use Your Phone
A girl in the park on a beautiful day once thought it was weird that I’d asked her to sit down beside me on my big comfy beach towel to use my phone. Tough tits honey, my phone, my rules. And I’m not getting off my ass right this second so it’s better for everyone if you get on yours.
An Exercise in Exorcising
I don’t have time to be writing for free right now. That’s correct, Dear Reader (which sounds like how a Japanese person would say “Dear Leader” if they were kidnapped and brain washed by North Korea and taught only to speak English, and if I was being racist), I don’t get paid writing for Literate Ape. Or editing or publishing or hosting or podcasting or anything else related to The Ape. When it comes to this little project, I pay it in blood and guts and sweat and joy. And the hope or goal is that that soon enough, with enough skin in the game, Literate Ape will pay me. But for now, I have to make money doing work for other people. And I’m on a deadline. Several of them.
I Believe… [Surprise! Just When You Thought Alabama Was Done Taking a Shit!]
…that the sudden shock and surprise that several of our worst states in terms of rights for anyone but the wealthy decided to put laws into place to challenge Roe v. Wade in the Supreme Court indicates either a blissful ignorance or a sad complacency. It’s like we saw the big dog eating bowls of slightly rotten meat and its own feces and, days later, were awestruck when it shit all over the living room.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | America is a Country of Losers — Part II
I will add that this history of loserness caused the very conditions by which America became the birthplace of the uniquely American modern cult of celebrity.
Reality Doesn't Just Go Away Because You Will It
The Truth is a complicated thing and anyone claiming that their truth is more valid than another's without factual information and another take on it is highly likely full of shit.
"It pays my way, and it corrodes my soul..."
Are you Heller's Bob Slocum or Melville's Bartleby? Or someone in between the dismal acceptance of the grind and the refusal to comply with the demands that your existence is owed to the labor for something without regard for you?
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 12, 2019
It’s not just men who are ruining things for women. It’s also the women who agree with the men and support them. Selfish and mean behavior is as fluid as gender itself.
Hey, Girl, Hey, It's the Month of May — Three Poems
Buying luck with soft licks of cash
Exhilaration alone empties your stash.
Planes cruise overhead, the planet turns
Palm tress sway, but no one learns
It’s all about love in these years.
So, how about love in these years?
Be Stalwart and Build the Cathedral
As a feminist, I suggest we reject this terminology. I believe we can embrace a more feminine model and, instead of destroy and battle, we can build. The idea that we can fight the weather is silly; instead we build shelter from it. Build. Create coalitions. Construct roads to empathy and trust among even those we have chosen to despise. Cathedrals for the many places we desperately need for solace and community and progress. Cathedrals that are open to all people.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Alabama Fetus Fest 2019!
We’ll have the young ladies compete for the honor of being Little Miss Carry.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | America is a Country of Losers — Part I
America is a country of losers. It’s not and an insult. It’s and observation. I love America so don’t ask me to leave it. I simply observe that our great nation, The United States of America is made up of losers and the descendants of losers.
The Sales Gene and Why I Don’t Have It
I get it. Most of capitalism is driven by sales. Most sales are made by people selling things and ideas. The time-share thing here in Vegas. The guy on the street-corner with the spinning arrow sign trying to get you to come into the third-tier mobile phone store. The kid with the box of candy to raise money for his basketball team. All some variation on the theme of non-stop, unwavering sales.
I Believe… [Women Are Not Baby Farms, You JagStains]
…that one of many paradoxes presented in modern American society is the odd confluence of overpopulation run rampant, the decrease in financial aid and paid time off for young mothers, and the bizarre desire to force women to have babies they either don’t want or can’t care for. For fuck’s sake, get the priorities in line — if you want women to be baby farms at least pay them for it or get out of their business…
Dialog on Survival
5G? Ah, me!
I need my tree.
It cannot be.
But why? I ask.
It blocks the task.
A Mother’s Day Ode to MILFs
Make no mistake, mothers,
you’re doing great.
You’re better than you think.
So try not to get yourself down
Because what you’re doing isn’t easy
but you’re the best person for the job.
And, um, that ass!
Those boobies!
Both Rock AND Roll is Required
It is my armor. Against the ravages of time and heartache and failure and despair. Attitudinal armor. Protection from self-pity and feeling small in a world of wars for oil, politicians spouting horseshit non-stop and the constant drumbeat of the the Big Countdown Clock. A layer of badassness that fights back the feeling that, as I get older, I'm simply going to lose everything I ever held dear and everyone I ever loved because that's just the way it is. My Captain America shield. My Bat Cape. My resolve to never allow the World to beat me.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Adventures from the Bucktown-Wicker Park Library Edition
The man sitting in front of his computer loudly spoke into his phone. “Define debauchery.” I answered. “Yelling at your phone in a library instead of typing the word into your internet browser.”
Being Reminded that You are Disposable isn’t Fun but it’s Necessary
George Bailey wasn’t special. He was, on most faces of it, a real loser. That’s why he decided to end it all — he was a failure from the lens of post-modern success. Clarence didn’t change his mind, he shifted his perspective away from himself to those who surrounded him.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | The Misguided Art of Defending Misguided Art
I’ll admit, I used to love both Bill Cosby and Louis C. K. I truly thought they were good guys who were simply commenting on life’s foibles and the shortcomings of the human male.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.