Book Club Made Me Read It: Carrie
Male writers please take note, you really do not need to describe the shape and relative perkiness of the breasts of every woman who appears in your book. In fact, in most cases you need to describe the breasts of none of the women who appear in your book. I have no recollection of what color hair most of these women were supposed to have, but I can tell you they’ve pretty much all got perky tits.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 3, 2019
Few things are funnier than a hysterical person. The R. Kelly interview on CBS This Morning was the best standup comedy I’ve seen since watching Nanette.
American Shithole #50 | Kirstjen Nielsen: Deadeyes Over Dead Kids
“They’ve come all this way, thousands of miles across hostile territory, and we’ve raped them, and murdered them,” I thought.
“And this fucking cunt came to congress to rustle some fucking papers, and fumble some fucking answers.” I seethed.
I am fucking livid — and thankfully I’m not the only one.
The Faux Power That Comes With a Video Camera in Your Pocket
If there is a Murphy’s Law sort of thing for new technologies, it probably goes something like “For every good a new technology can do, there will be five assholes who use it badly.”
The Minutes of The Minutes of Our Last Meeting Staff Meeting
Mercury is in retrograde. Does that affect brains?
Fall & Spring Semesters
My inbox was often empty.
No new messages.
I checked too frequently, never giving it a chance to fill up, never giving my family and friends a chance to think about me.
FAQs: Ethical Nonmonogamy (Part 2)
Don’t all nonmonogamous relationships end in fiery disaster?
No, but you’re probably asking this question because you’ve heard about at least one that did. Your cousin’s best friend’s brother opened his relationship and then his wife left him for her new girlfriend, right?
I Believe… [Give No Tantrum a Cookie]
…that when you reward petulance in order to avoid the conflict, the conflict will be ever-present. The tantrum-throwing child (or adult) should never be given the cookie to placate them.
A Little Trouble in Big Paradise
The official title must resemble something like “Concessions and Party Hostess.” Birthday parties on Mondays and shifts between 4.5 and 8 hours on a couple other days. Part-part time. Non-negotiable. If you’re already rolling your eyes at this nearly forty year old woman over here thinking for a minute that this was a good idea, you’re absolutely right. I guess I’ll shrug again and say “Hey, I’ll try just about anything once.”
The Dogma of Measurement and Metrics: When #Hustle Defines Who You Are
Success in any field is definitely a numbers game but, aside from hard income versus expenditure, the rest is just made-up nonsense designed to sell you the idea that by devoting your every waking hour to the job (or jobs or side jobs or avocations) you will be the model of success.
FAQs: Ethical Nonmonogamy (Part 1)
What is ethical nonmonogamy?
Ethical nonmonogamy refers to any relationship which meets the following criteria:
It is not monogamous
All parties involved know that the relationship is not monogamous
All parties involved consent to being in a relationship that is not monogamous
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of February 24, 2019
Personalities can be awful when there’s more than one in a room.
Your Life Is Not Like the Movies Part 2
A couple of years ago I penned a piece that broke down some basic ways movies distort our version of ourselves because, face it, like most storytelling, movies are made of lies we really want to be true. Looks like it’s time for another take on this idea:
American Shithole #49 | Welcome Back, Cohen
“He is a racist. He is a Conman. He is a cheat.”
- Michael Cohen, on Donald Trump during his opening statement.
“Damn, save that for your closer, Michael!” I blurted at the television.
The Day I Visited Animal Jail
I had never been inside the Humane Society before. Whenever I talk dogs with people they tell me to avoid that place because it’s a kill shelter and no one should support a kill shelter. But I always thought that if we don’t adopt the animals from those places, we’re sentencing them to death. Plus, if you aren’t picky about a breed or age of your dog you may as well go to a shelter and take one home. Right?
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Presidential Committee on Climate Security Chair Interview
We are just one big tiddly-wink floating in the solar system.
If You Believed the Lie, It is not the Liar’s Fault
My belief was not about him or his lie. My belief was about me and my perception of myself. Are we becoming like that segment of Trump supporters who hate the other side so much that they’d accept the blatant lie out of spite?
It’s Election Day in Chicago: A Deconstructed Love Story
It’s election day in Chicago, which means it’s the day citizens of this Third Coast Second City bring out their dead to partake in the American right to screw themselves at the polls.
Since its incorporation on March 4, 1837, Chicago has been the place for people who want to be punished. There are the winters, the Cubs and the Bears, the Daley Family, the pot holes, and, of course, the crime. And by crime, I mean the politicians and the police. Yes, the city has its positives, too. There’s the lake and its shoreline, the architecture, the Blackhawks, Stephanie Izard, the excitement of not knowing whether the improv show you’re about to see is going to be incredible or give you cause to wish for a swift and vicious cancer to eat you and every player on stage alive.
Chicago, we don’t deserve better — we’ve done this to ourselves for almost two hundred years — but we should want better. And if we’re as tough as we brag to be, we can have it.
I Believe… [Getting Lost is the Road to the New]
…that the best way to discover a new city is to put the GPS away, hop in the car, and drive until you are hopelessly lost. You look around and see the corners and turns, the businesses and people, then find your way back. Repeat.
Noble X — Episode 21: Bundles of Love
At the end of his statement, he ends the call abruptly and gets back to work on his bundles of love while Ms. Carlin and the others sit in the thick quiet before a school day begins, trying to shake their nasty intuitions that something is not at all right with Mr. Noble.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.