American Shithole Contributing Writer American Shithole Contributing Writer

American Shithole #28 — Keeping Up with the Kavanaughs

“Boys will be boys,” some old, crusty bitches have said about drunk, teenage rapists — by the way, fuck you, conservative white women over 50. Seriously, fuck you. I want a new world order where you get assaulted at bridge club by wandering donkeys fed solely on Viagra.

Hey, donkeys on Viagra will be donkeys, you crusty fucking bitches.

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Chris Churchill Chris Churchill Chris Churchill Chris Churchill

And Sometimes I Drive A Trolley

I do a lot of stuff. I write for this magazine. I teach improv, film, documentary and theater to kids. I teach test prep to teens. I teach communication and public speaking courses to college freshmen. But when it comes to the subject of me, the thing that seems to get most people’s attention, is my oldest stream of income. I drive a trolley and give tours. I have for over 20 years.

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Contributing Writer Contributing Writer

Thou Doth Protest Too Much is Likely a Predator

My newsfeed is inundated with people digitally crying over Kavanaugh’s advance and rightfully so. I can’t help but wonder how many of these digital tears are from closeted abusers. A closeted abuser is someone that seems, to the naked eye, like a totally normal guy.

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Contributing Writer Contributing Writer

Love Curse — Part VIII: The Conclusion

LEN AWOKE HANGING UPSIDE DOWN FROM THE CEILING IN SOME TYPE OF SMALL, DARK, BROKEN DOWN SHACK. An old hag was below him chewing off his fingernails. He tried to scream but realized that his tongue had been ripped from his mouth.

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Kari Castor Kari Castor Kari Castor Kari Castor

Notes From the Chippewa Moraine

If you’ve never woken alone in the middle of the night to the sound of a coyote screaming about 50 feet from your campsite, then drifted nearly back to sleep only to hear it cry again, closer this time, and then lope straight through your camp, you’ve missed out on a truly unsettled night’s sleep.

These backpacking trips are an opportunity to get away from the world. Maybe more importantly, they’re an opportunity to get out of my own head.

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Joe Janes Joe Janes Joe Janes Joe Janes

Love Curse — Part VI

HOPE SAT QUIETLY. She noticed she had done that thing again. Where she disappears in plain sight. Her mind wondering how she got there. There was a champagne glass in her hand.

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Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall

Who are These Fucking Rapey Dudes

I’ve never met an incel, at least not a card-carrying one or one who admitted it, let alone a “He-Man Woman Hater.” I can’t think of a time when I was friends with a dude who thought it was anything but vile stupidity to cat-call a woman on the street or from a car. Granted, I quit theater years ago, don’t hang out much in comedy clubs and decided that the improv scene was far too much like high school so maybe I’m missing out on all the dripping toxicity of dudes who are doing everything they can to be seen as funny and cool in order to get laid, sometimes at any cost.

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J.L. Thurston Jenni Thurston J.L. Thurston Jenni Thurston

Love Curse — Part V

LEN BEGAN TO CRY. Sara sighed an exasperated growl that came out more growl than sigh. The sound caused Len’s eyes to grow large. As large as full moons.

With his stupid haircut and his two full moon eyes, his face was ridiculous. She could kill him. Really kill him.

“Jesus, what’s wrong with Sara?” one of the other jerks gasped.

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Paul Teodo Paul Teodo Paul Teodo Paul Teodo

Love Curse — Part IV

She hated people who needed clarification. “Do you need clarification often? Are you frequently confused?” He was lost and she didn’t care. She decided then to pursue his demise.

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