American Shithole #27 — There’s More Room for Billionaires on a Starving Planet

American Shithole #27 — There’s More Room for Billionaires on a Starving Planet

By Eric Wilson

It’s likely you’re in the vicinity of Chicago if you’re perusing Literate Ape, although I’m thankful for at least a handful of readers scattered about this expansive country; or (if you’re really lucky), you’re reading this from the comfort of your own highly-functioning social democracy — in another part of the world.

Yngve Ellingsen, please adopt me, my Norwegian friend! If you are enjoying this piece whilst on your comfortable, socially democratic Nordic toilet, I beseech you. I’ll even learn to love cross-country skiing, and Lutefisk.

I am envious of what I imagine to be your quite bearable lightness of being.

Alas, if you, dear reader (like me), aren’t slated to be adopted by a special person from a much safer, cleaner, smarter, kinder, gentler country, may I suggest voting in the upcoming election?

Maybe then, we could get back to building a kinder, gentler nation of our own? As it stands, we have an embarrassing mess on our hands.

Speaking of national embarrassments: have you seen the clips of the president this week as he was snickered at by all of the powerful people in the western world? Deservedly so of course, for touting his administration as the most accomplished in American history.

I’m certainly not mad they giggled — I wish the majority of U.N. dignitaries weren’t so deferential and respectful; they should have laughed harder and longer — they clearly wanted to. We all had a good chuckle.

I had hoped to see Trump’s face assaulted with flecks of spittle, as the United Nations General Assembly roared with laughter, strafing his boorish mug with errant saliva like some political version of a Japanese Bukake film.

trump bukake.png

What a wonderful image that is for me: the camera stays on a close-up, Trump declares himself the best president America’s ever had, we hear the crowd of foreign dignitaries rolling in the aisles, then Trump’s face is just mercilessly spooged with arcs of frothy sputum.

He was apparently, honestly surprised at the reaction. What a fucking ridiculous dunderhead we have for a president.

When I look in the rearview mirror at the tire tracks this administration has left whilst fishtailing this country toward every ditch it could find, I am reminded that (after roughly 20 months) it is quite possible they could run out of gas before they’ve caused irreparable damage to the chassis (infrastructure) or engine (economy); or at least before they kill everybody.

And don’t get me wrong, we are trailer-hitched to an administration traveling insanely fast in the wrong lane, through oncoming traffic, with a bunch of horrible assholes in the backseat, and a complete fucking narcissistic lunatic at the wheel.

This is why it worries me when influential friends of mine use their voice to opine that everything is going to be “OK” — because it has always (eventually) been “OK” before. This encourages complacency, and we cannot afford sane Americans sitting this demolition derby out.

Besides, the number of people clipped, side-swiped, T-boned, or completely totaled by this administration, is ever-growing. Make no mistake about it, your turn getting run over is coming — you need to vote; pretty please, with sugar on top.

Whatever state you call home, voter registration ends at its earliest, a month before an election. Online registration typically continues a bit beyond that.

Get registeredYES, your vote matters. You vote every day, and it matters. You vote with what you value. You vote with what you purchase. You vote with your every action of integrity. You vote, every time you stand up to a bully, or right any kind of wrongdoing in your community. You vote every single day; and right now your country (which is suffering terribly), really needs your voice and your vote.

Of course, that won’t stop the billionaires from wanting more (such is their lot in life), so I am not selling you salvation with your civic duty. All of this repeats itself, unless the value distribution changes — and that is largely in the hands of our elected representatives. There is no room for Tyrants any longer, my friends. There is no room for billionaires in a starving world.

Even our memory is being assaulted, have you noticed?

When have you ever known a time in which children seeking asylum in America that have died in custody (after being separated from their parents and imprisoned by our own government) to be just one of many stories of horror and shame we no longer consider headline news?

Think about that for a second, please. That story, along with all the others, washed away in the deluge of this administration — just like the lives of nearly three thousand Americans in Puerto Rico.

So much suffering in so short a time in our country, we can’t even keep track.

How many atrocities from this administration can you remember, dear reader? How many horror stories have faded into the woodwork while we’ve allowed this whittling fool to govern? How many school shootings have come and gone? How many scandals from members of the Trump team do you honestly recollect? How many officials has he fired? How many indictments, plea deals and convictions can you count in your head? How many dead black men have been ignored? How many teachers strikes? How many dead opioid addicts? How many emboldened misogynists, racists, bigots and zealots? How many ruined international relations? How many lies?

I certainly can’t remember half of what has happened, and I write about this shit — and on top of it all, everyone is in bed with Russian money.

I’m tired of calling it anything other than treason.

When this administration is finally in humanity’s rearview mirror (please soon, merciful universe) I think we will have discovered that the foundation of the United States of America, for all its faults, is solid. Change in a country of this size and diversity, is a measured, tedious process, even in times of great upheaval.

Our country may be on the road to ruin, but the chassis on this particular societal model is made of American mettle, as well as steel — and it was built to protect itself from just this sort of reckless driving.

My heavens though, the stress groans and tire squeals of this nation can be heard around the globe.

So please, take the time and vote in the midterms.

If you still need to register to vote for the November 6th elections, but aren’t feeling sufficiently motivated, let Samantha Bee pay you to vote. Full Frontal with Samantha Bee (Wednesdays, on TBS) announced a new initiative: an app that incentivizes voting. That’s right, download an app, have some fun, learn about voting and win some scratch!

Or perhaps to Robert Reich, you will listen. Check out Mr. Reich as he introduces Turnout Tuesday; one of his many efforts to get Americans informed, interested and registered to vote.

On Thursday, the day American Shithole posts, we will know the fate of Rosenstein and Kavanaugh (they sound like a comedy team from the 1950s Borscht Belt), which works for me as I didn’t feel obligated to write about Kavanaugh again this week — his existence on this planet fucking disgusts me — just thinking about him is akin to me being force-fed pickled beets while listening to modern country music and having some privileged frat boy hit me repeatedly in the nuts with a polo mallet.

So, it’s going to be a bumpy ride in the coming months, my friends. We either slam our collective foot on the brakes this November, or we let this fucking maniac drive us all off a cliff — or perhaps, just through several more ditches. Who knows.


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