Thou Doth Protest Too Much is Likely a Predator
My newsfeed is inundated with people digitally crying over Kavanaugh’s advance and rightfully so. I can’t help but wonder how many of these digital tears are from closeted abusers. A closeted abuser is someone that seems, to the naked eye, like a totally normal guy.
Love Curse — Part VIII: The Conclusion
LEN AWOKE HANGING UPSIDE DOWN FROM THE CEILING IN SOME TYPE OF SMALL, DARK, BROKEN DOWN SHACK. An old hag was below him chewing off his fingernails. He tried to scream but realized that his tongue had been ripped from his mouth.
Real Life Ghost Stories: Moon Point Cemetery
According to ye good ol’ internet, Moon Point Cemetery has a legend of the Hatchet Lady, who is said to have gone crazy from the death of her child and guarded the grave with a hatchet to protect it. Even in death, she remains an eternal vigil of her child’s grave.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of September 23, 2018
Think of how much more interesting The Diary of a Young Girl would have been if young Anne Frank had a little Amsterdam hash with her in that attic.
Love Curse — Part VII
I’M GLAD THAT CHANDELIER FELL ON ME. Ironically, for someone named Hope, I sure didn't have any—hope, that is. I had a cynical vision of my future with hubby Phillip.
American Shithole #27 — There’s More Room for Billionaires on a Starving Planet
Besides, the number of people clipped, side-swiped, T-boned, or completely totaled by this administration, is ever-growing. Make no mistake about it, your turn getting run over is coming — you need to vote; pretty please, with sugar on top.
Notes From the Chippewa Moraine
If you’ve never woken alone in the middle of the night to the sound of a coyote screaming about 50 feet from your campsite, then drifted nearly back to sleep only to hear it cry again, closer this time, and then lope straight through your camp, you’ve missed out on a truly unsettled night’s sleep.
These backpacking trips are an opportunity to get away from the world. Maybe more importantly, they’re an opportunity to get out of my own head.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – First Lutheran Church of the Trinity High School Assembly – New Dress Codes
Honestly, I wish I had these guidelines when I was your age. I wore a skort once and all the boys did all day was look at me like a slobbery dog looks at a juicy piece of meat. I felt really bad that I did that to them.
Love Curse — Part VI
HOPE SAT QUIETLY. She noticed she had done that thing again. Where she disappears in plain sight. Her mind wondering how she got there. There was a champagne glass in her hand.
Who are These Fucking Rapey Dudes
I’ve never met an incel, at least not a card-carrying one or one who admitted it, let alone a “He-Man Woman Hater.” I can’t think of a time when I was friends with a dude who thought it was anything but vile stupidity to cat-call a woman on the street or from a car. Granted, I quit theater years ago, don’t hang out much in comedy clubs and decided that the improv scene was far too much like high school so maybe I’m missing out on all the dripping toxicity of dudes who are doing everything they can to be seen as funny and cool in order to get laid, sometimes at any cost.
I Believe… [The Real Resistance is Happening on Twitter and Fortnite]
…that feeling anxiety, victimized, or unjustly treated no longer makes you special or interesting. Your many ineffective tweets at @therealDonaldTrump and Fortnite ranking does.
Love Curse — Part V
LEN BEGAN TO CRY. Sara sighed an exasperated growl that came out more growl than sigh. The sound caused Len’s eyes to grow large. As large as full moons.
With his stupid haircut and his two full moon eyes, his face was ridiculous. She could kill him. Really kill him.
“Jesus, what’s wrong with Sara?” one of the other jerks gasped.
Love Curse — Part IV
She hated people who needed clarification. “Do you need clarification often? Are you frequently confused?” He was lost and she didn’t care. She decided then to pursue his demise.
I’m a Fool for You, Baby
We love as much, as well
as we are able, imperfect,
broken, yet doing
the best that we can,
which isn’t very good
at all.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of September 16, 2018
I’m canceling my subscription to Esquire after more than a decade of being a loyal subscriber and reader. Since Jay Fielden became editor-in-chief, it’s become an apologetic magazine for angry feminists and their terrified husbands. Granted, the reporting and fiction is still of value but it’s become too hard for me to get past the loaded front half of the rag — even flipping through it — without getting annoyed or feeling talked down to. I’ll miss you, Esquire, but I’ve missed you for a few years now.
Love Curse — Part III
She liked Len okay, really. She just didn’t true love love him. They barely knew each other. They’d met on a Tuesday, gone home together on Wednesday, and by Friday decided to go all in on the whole “boyfriend/girlfriend” thing. She’d taken things slow with her last relationship, after all, and look how that turned out. She wished Len would stop letting his mom cut his hair and go to a real barber for fuck’s sake, but the sex was good and they got along smoothly enough.
American Shithole #26 — A Remarkable, Unremarkable Day
Imagine you’re standing in the middle of a busy airport. Passengers crowd past you in every direction. Looking up at the arrivals and departures; all flights are delayed. Suddenly, the entire board changes — rows and columns of numbers and letters flip with the familiar clickety-clack, clickety-clack of the old, analog displays — revealing only destinations on your bucket list, as the throngs of weary travelers part before you like the Red Sea.
That’s how I felt today.
Noble X - Episode 11: Internet Famous
Conversations with Stephen King and Kurt Vonnegut, two of his favorite writers, at the same time! John feels very fortunate to be able to communicate so openly and honestly with so many of his heroes, alive and dead.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – From the Standpoint of Water
Donald: Like somebody famous once said, “I have a dream.”
Kiff: That was Martin Luther King, Sir.
Donald: I don’t think so.
Love Curse — Part II
This graveyard had a reputation for being haunted. But what graveyard wasn’t? By the time they got there, she thought, this van would be haunted with the ghosts of what she’d rather have been doing. Playing old SEGA Genesis video games; binge watching Arrested Development; sleeping on the couch with a partially chewed bite of Tony’s frozen cheese pizza in her mouth. She caved to hanging out only after her boyfriend, Len, promised they’d spend all next weekend at home on the couch.
Never give up. Don’t stop, just start. That’s the trick. The hardest part is starting. Genius only comes to a running mind.