On Being Wrong (And Admitting It)
Back when I cast my vote for George W. Bush, I was 21 years old, voting in my first presidential election. I was wrong about a lot of shit back then.
I’m probably still wrong about a lot of shit now. Though less, I hope, than when I was 21.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Space Force – USS Trump 1776-D Emergency Officers Meeting
Our mission is to avoid strange new worlds. To seek out new sources of income. To boldly stay great.
My 600-pound Bowl of Cheesy Fear
Snickers Bar = 250 calories
Two Pop Tarts = 400 calories
A plate of Curly Fries = 600 calories
Wendy’s signature Apple Pecan Chicken Salad = 570 Calories
Christ - even Fast Food salads pack on the shit like duct taping clay to your ass.
Hook Me Up
They say meeting through friends is a good way to meet someone worth dating. So, I started telling everyone I know I'm looking for a relationship. My boss, my co workers, my dry cleaner. I want everyone to know I am on the hunt and looking for something serious, so they can send me their cute and eligible guys.
And it worked. My dry cleaner, Helen, had someone for me. She said he was cute, responsible and has a job! Done. We had a date set up that Sunday.
Required Watching: "The Galapagos Affair: Satan Comes To Eden"
The movie is a template of what makes a good historical documentary. The filmmakers were fortunate enough that all the settlers brought film and journals. All of whom at some points get very candid with their entries.
I Believe… ["Unapologetic" is a Pass For Being an Asshole]
…that there is a razor's edge of difference between being "unapologetic" and being a narcissistic shitstain. Being confident in oneself and refusing to apologize for sucky behavior are not the same thing.
Noble X - Episode 2: New Month's Eve
Slow rise chimes open John’s eyes at 6:00am. His body aches as if he was jumped the night before. There was no respite in sleep as his vivid dreams seemed to be saturated in his waking pain. Bizarre imagery and distorted vignettes, played out by his subconscious, made the rest feel less than soothing. But alas he had logged a few winks and it was time to report to work.
The feeling of dread has been a daily occurrence. He showered and prepped for another day at school, dwelling in how frustrated he had recently become with the new job, spread so thin over too much bread, needing to be everywhere at once. John fantasized about cloning himself to do a better job for his kids. It broke his heart a little bit every time when he couldn’t be there when each of them needed him. Juggling all their individual schedules had really taken a toll on him mentally.
To My Son, I’m Sorry You’re Reading This
Boy, that headline sounds like the first line in a suicide note. No, no, Harrison, my son, this is not a suicide note. It’s an apology letter. Or an explanation. Maybe a clarification. I’m not sure what your mother has told you, or what you’ve already heard or read, but I feel it is imperative that you have some background, context really, on what you may have already heard or read, or undoubtedly will.It's only right that a son knows who his father is — the kind of man his father is.
Loose Chicks Featured Chick: Rita Balzotti
Check her out at our next show:
June 22, 2018
8pm @ Emerald City Coffee, 1224 W Wilson Ave, Chicago, IL
Dad
You called me "rebel with a cause.”
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Father's Day Edition
Seeing your infant son play Slap the Bag with your wife’s breast is pretty damn funny.
The Surveillance State Made Personal: Why Everyone Should Have a Body Camera
American Shithole #20 — Vacations, Part One: Camping Is For Masochists
It’s not a vacation if what you are doing is indistinguishable from survival training. Preparing for the coming apocalypse by eating baked beans straight out of a can is not a vacation.
I Wouldn't Give a Shit if Mark Died
Hi. I’m Bob. Mark was my big brother, and I distinctly remember realizing one day that I wouldn’t give a shit if Mark died.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – The Historic Greatest Really Huge Better Than Obama Deal Of The Century Everyone Says So Where’s My Nobel Peace Prize You’re Welcome Trump/Jong-un Summit
Phil the Translator: Anything for you, President Trump. Our glorious dictator appreciates you treating him like an equal. You know he has killed people, right? A general who fell asleep during a meeting. Even members of his own family who didn’t agree with him.
The Many Golden Calves of Consumptive Behavior
Being a society founded almost entirely upon the idea of consumption, we are bound to be disappointed. Consuming creatures only thrive when there is more. Always more. Consistently more.
My Father Was Not Fred Rogers.
I don’t begrudge his disappointment. It is, in fact, reasonable.
To both their credit they have only ever loved their daughters. And I am hard to love.
I Believe… [Parts and Motivations Unknown]
…that Anthony Bourdain left this realm with the same guts and bravado as he did in life. On his own terms and in his own time. We may not understand the reasons but not knowing shouldn't lessen our respect for the life he led and lessons he learned and shared.
Solicited in a High Class Geisha Club
“I think you are being inappropriate, sir. Please leave.” Then I picked up the closest ashtray and clocked him.
Real Life Ghost Stories: Things The Cat Can't Do
There is hardly a person who can’t claim to have experienced something that seemed supernatural. Even the hardest sceptic can have difficulty explaining away certain occurrences.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.