Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 22, 2021
I've met rabid Evangelicals who are easier on the senses than most basic bitches with their rush to autumn—pumpkin spice, sweaters, and jackets. You people are insufferable prior to September 21st and mind numbingly annoying every day thereafter.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 15, 2021
Peeing in the shower is one thing. Peeing in the bath is monstrous.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 8, 2021
Agent Peggy Carter is totally hot. Cartoon Captain Carter is even hotter. If that makes me a misogynist, you’re wrong. It makes me horny for a cartoon.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 1, 2021
If you get excited about 401 Ks, you really sound like a schmuck when you rail against the failings of capitalism.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 25, 2021
The best part about the January 6 Insurrection Committee hearing this week was all the cursing on public radio and television.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 18, 2021
Sometimes I think people make things harder on others just to give themselves a sense of control in their otherwise chaotic and mismanaged lives. Those people need a hug. Like, smother them to death.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 11, 2021
Speaking of hell… I was recently asked if Jews believe in hell. Not that I’m an expert on all things Jewish, I was just the closest thing resembling a Jew at the time. Anyway… no. Jews don’t believe in hell. But if there was a Jewish hell, it would be Judaism’s worst having to watch that documentary about Woody Allen allegedly molesting his daughter for eternity. “Oy vey, noooooo! Why can’t we watch Annie Hall!?!?!?”
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 27, 2021
Our dog is still a little too neurotic to poop in the yard and keeps crapping in the house, so basically, I just bought her a $500,000 toilet.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | The Moving Edition
There is a fine line between leadership and dictatorship. Unfortunately, we can’t find which box we packed it in.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 6, 2021
The promos for In The Heights make The Partridge Family look like Black Sabbath.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 30, 2021
Sometimes holding your liquor is just as bad as holding a feral honey badger in heat and on cocaine.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 23, 2021
Milli Vanilli had more influence over hip-hop than you want to admit. It’s okay. Accept it. Admit it.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 16, 2021
The idea that all Jews must support whatever Israel does doesn’t quite play out logically. Let’s follow that logic. Looking at it through the lens of religion, if all Jews must support Israel then all Catholics must support pedophilia. And that’s fucking insane.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 9, 2021
I support Israel’s right to defend itself. I also support Palestine’s right to defend itself. Furthermore, I support Palestine’s justification for being pissed off for 73 years since its citizens were displaced and its land confiscated for Israel’s use. And finally, I support anyone’s right to criticize Israel’s policies and actions without being labeled anti-Semitic by the most simple of unprogressive minds.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 2, 2021
Think about it: the Full House theme song is a cry to make America great again.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of April 25, 2021
The most uninteresting conversations in the English language will include the following statements: “The land value alone makes it a great investment,” “Cryptocurrency is the future of financial markets,” and “I went to summer camp.”
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of April 18, 2021
All those kids who identified as hippies in high school in the ’90s likely never had a revolutionary thought of their own. The most dangerous thing they did was listen to a Dave Matthews tape while speeding in their Jeep Cherokees.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | The Dumb Blue Line Edition
Of course Derek Chauvin didn’t take the stand. Derek Chauvin doesn’t stand for anything. He kneels.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of April 4, 2021
Former pig police officer turned murder defendant Derek Chauvin has been taking a lot of notes throughout the murder trial of George Floyd. I bet it’s just the N-word over and over and over again.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 28, 2021
Easter has been cancelled. They found the body.
Andy disassembled his weapon with lighting speed. He packed it away in the black backpack made specifically for a weapon of this sort. He bolted to the roof access door as fast as his little, chubby legs would carry him. He made his way through the condo/office building stairwell without being noticed just as he had done on his way up. Andy was good at his job. And for a nine-month-old baby, he was really good at it.