Life’s greatest challenge is finding the middle lane without crossing over into oncoming traffic.

Good food is like bad relationships: it all eventually turns to shit.

Part of getting older is realizing that you are, in fact, older. And in many cases, we age out of our horned up youth into a relaxed state of domestication. But it’s naturally human to wonder if you still got it. If you’re still an object of interest—not affection—to the people you meet or even pass on the street or at Target on Sunday mornings.

My backyard is home to very depressed worms. I keep finding sun-dried worm corpses on my walkway. And not even after a hard rain—as they might be flooded to the topsoil. It’s like they just have had enough of being a worm living underground and wriggle to the surface for that long-elusive moment of warmth before being cooked to death.

Personalities can be awful when there’s more than one in a room.

I’ve missed the opportunity to die young, and as a result, I’ll have to spend the rest of my life working really, really hard to be successful and to leave a mark.