Don Hall 8/26/19 Don Hall 8/26/19

I Believe... [The Poster Child of the Early 21st Century]

…that the poster child of the early 21st Century is a twenty-year-old wearing ass-less chaps, misspelled tattoos, and a multi-colored bandanna taking Instagram selfies with a sign that says “Don’t Judge Me.”

Jenni Thurston 8/26/19 Jenni Thurston 8/26/19

Ben Ridley is a Killer

A novel excerpt from the newly released “The Lyrebird Threat,” Ben Ridley returns from an assignment and gives a small window into the madness that haunts him.

Guest User 8/25/19 Guest User 8/25/19

Weeping in the Dentist's Chair — Four Poems Featuring Teeth

In either case you’re pretty lucky. Your ache is not as bad as the ache-ache-bleed-bleed of some others who need constant medicine and other means to help ease and regulate the symptoms.

David Himmel 8/24/19 David Himmel 8/24/19

Long Train Running: A Chicago Marathon Story | Chapter 6 — 16 Post-run Requirements

Running is as much a mental game as it is physical. My trick to placing well in races when I ran cross-country in high school was to tell myself, “The faster you run, the sooner it’s over.” That doesn’t work when there are 26.2 miles ahead of you. You have to take each mile on its own or group a few together. Make the marathon bite-sized. Savor it. Until that last mile. The faster you run, the sooner it’s over. But even when you’re done running, you’re not done quite yet.

Here are sixteen post-run requirements every distance runner must complete after each long run.

David Himmel 8/23/19 David Himmel 8/23/19

Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 18, 2019

Wedding toasts that mention God or Jesus are fine. Wedding toasts that detail the speaker’s marital troubles are not. But they do make for some thoughtful laughs.

Sheri Reda 8/23/19 Sheri Reda 8/23/19

God Makes an Omelet

Morning has broken.

First me, then you, then the country

strewn left and right, spoiled

Contributing Writer 8/22/19 Contributing Writer 8/22/19

Overcoming the Dreaded Writer's Block

Maybe if I couldn’t go over it, I could go around it? Surely it couldn’t be that long of a walk. All alone, I set off on the trek to find the edge of the Block with just my walking stick and my lack of thoughts (this is why I was over here after all). I kicked at a couple rocks as I trudged over the dismal landscape that was mostly gray and gloomy. Dirt and other sand-like material made up the terrain behind the Block and it perfectly reflected what every writer felt: self-doubting, unworthy, and lost.

Joe Janes 8/21/19 Joe Janes 8/21/19

The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | The Matrix 4

Keanu – And fight in slow motion, do that backwards arm thingie where I dodge bullets?

Lana – We’ll do all the cool stuff, of course, and try to find some new ways for you to dodge bullets or rockets or whatever. And even more guns. Guns are popular these days.

Carrie-Ann – Okay. So, let’s say Trinity is somehow still alive, even though she died, what am I going to wear?

Lana – Same outfits for everyone. Lots of tight black leather. Don’t worry, CGI does incredible things these days.

Chris Churchill 8/20/19 Chris Churchill 8/20/19

Chris Churchill Saves the World | The Right to Be Ignored

Here in America, we have a lot of rights written into the Constitution. You can own bear arms. Your church can speak to the media. The media can speak about church. You can bring your own snacks into the movies. It’s all in there.

There are also basic human rights that don’t always make it into the founding documents of any particular nation. Controlling your own body. Having a good quality of life. Bringing your own snacks into a hospital.
There’s one right that I don’t hear enough people talking about.

Here’s another one I never hear people talking about: The right to be left alone. The right to be completely ignored.

Don Hall 8/19/19 Don Hall 8/19/19

I Believe... [Bill Hader Deep Fake]

…that the deep fake of Bill Hader transforming back and forth into Tom Cruise is so fucked up I now think I believe in the power of Satan.

Jenni Thurston 8/19/19 Jenni Thurston 8/19/19

How To Hide A Body In Illinois

In this novel excerpt from “The Lyrebird Threat,” the Mimic works against the clock to carry out her sinister and bloody revenge.

Elizabeth Harper 8/18/19 Elizabeth Harper 8/18/19

The News and My Feelings

I know the news is not about my feelings.

Don Hall 8/17/19 Don Hall 8/17/19

A Woke Warrior Walks Into a Bar…

David Himmel 8/16/19 David Himmel 8/16/19

Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 11, 2019

If I am to die shrouded in suspected criminal activity, promise me you’ll refer to me by my three names and only by my three names. “David Isaac Himmel, the alleged political assassin and box wine bootlegger, spent time as a teenager in the Ozark Mountains hunting squirrel and shooting old Pepsi cans with a .30-30 muzzleloader. He was also really good at driving stick shift in San Francisco.”

Sheri Reda 8/16/19 Sheri Reda 8/16/19

Additions to Sam Johnson's Dictionary

fetal supremacist (n.): A person who simultaneously advocates to curb abortions and abolish food stamps. i.e. The fetal supremacist wanted to revoke citizenship for children born in border states.

Contributing Writer 8/15/19 Contributing Writer 8/15/19

Humans are Inherently Good

I truly believe now that we are all inherently good and are trying our best. We may fail a lot. But we really are good.

Exhibit A: Love. Love, actually, is all around. With few exceptions, we inherently love our families and our friends.

Exhibit B: Look around you. Look how many people are currently not murdering someone.

That’s good. High five, all of you.

Joe Janes 8/14/19 Joe Janes 8/14/19

The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Archangel Alliance Committee on Human Affairs

Asking people to see their halos creates a hostile environment.

Contributing Writer 8/14/19 Contributing Writer 8/14/19

Humans are Scum

I cannot express how excited I am. Because over the past couple weeks since I was assigned this topic, I’ve been overwhelmed by this deep, dark despair. But in the next few minutes, I get to unload it all onto you, and then I can resume the carefree complacency to which I’ve grown accustomed.

You. People. Suck.

It’s true and you all know it and here are seven reasons why.

MT Cozzola 8/13/19 MT Cozzola 8/13/19

Tips from The Universal Household Assistant | Forcing the Beard—liquid for.—

Then I realize that even if I’m right, hearing that you are an emotional seven-year-old while you’re sitting in the Social Security waiting room might not be very helpful. Because growing up is hard enough when you’re a kid. How are you supposed to start when you’re already an adult?

Don Hall 8/12/19 Don Hall 8/12/19

I Believe... [Video Games do not Cause Terrorism]

…that blaming video games and movies on mass shooters is like blaming the election of Donald Trump on the Russians.