Is Marketing the Root of All Evil?
Gillette doesn’t feel like a sales pitch. It feels genuine. It is a marketing success. But also, “Buy our razors because Dollar Shave Club and Harry’s ain’t woke like we are.” There’s just no escaping it, for-profit companies need our money, and they’ll do anything to get it. In this case, Gillette did it right.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Things That Are Trying to Kill Me
Joe’s Penis – We’ve been friends ever since you spilled some shampoo on your junk when you were fourteen.
The American Mystery | Part Two
Thus, we conclude the American mystery of such woe I cannot unburden my heart with just the simple typing of keys.
Do You Weigh as Much as a Duck?
The concept that if I say my pain is real, it must be real, and if you don't suffer from my pain, my pain is in some part your fault so just listen to me as I yell in your face about your need for shame and contrition.
I Believe… [But Th-Th-They Do It, Too!]
…that the act of pointing out the bad behavior of others when confronted with your own is the act of a child. This is true for presidents, improv comedians, and people caught littering.
An Impeached Trump is a More Powerful Trump
We’re not just facing Trump’s wrath or the democratic trouble it will incite. We have to be mindful of the die-hard Trump supporters.
The Zen of Death Cleaning | Part 1
Due to a recent death in the family and through a very specific set of circumstances, a peculiar history if you will, several generations of things including furniture, dishes and glassware, books, family photographs, art created and collected by family members, plus handwritten notes, cards, diaries, etc. have accumulated in one house which I find myself compelled to look through.
You Can't Blowfish Your Way Outta This Mess
When the Universe grants the food pellets to the rats who squall the most vociferously the message is simple and obvious. Blowfish the shit out of your daily problems. Go online and type your grievances ALL IN CAPS SO THAT EVERYONE KNOWS HOW GODDAMN PISSED YOU ARE!
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of January 6, 2019
You don’t need balloons or cupcakes to be excited about learning your baby’s sex. And yes, it’s a sex. It’s never gender. Gender is a social construct, and for even the most pro-life pro-lifers out there, an unborn child/fetus/uterine turd cannot, by the laws of science, be socialized. Talk to it, play music for it, fine. You can’t make it like pink or blue in the womb. If you need to be surprised about your baby’s sex, listen to what your OB or midwife tells you during pregnancy, or at the time of birth. Getting all geared up over the sex of a child is exactly why we have sexism. So, please, for the sake of our future, knock it the fuck off.
What Happened to Danny?
Across the alley I see her, lathering, sudsy soap rolling down her back. A joint, a Diet Pepsi and the hopes for a hard on from a woman who knew he spied on her and didn’t pull the shade down.
American Shithole #42 | Three Really Old Vampires Frightened and Bored the New Vampires in America Today
Wow, what a snooze-fest from all three of those (in)dentured fossils. I’ve seen livelier performances from Keanu Reeves in a sadness meme.
The American Mystery | Part One
The events I record now are hardly my own, but rather a tale of an extraordinary detective and his ever-faithful friend. I was merely along for the ride. This is a tale most grim about a case that would become one of America’s most unsolved mysteries.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Space Force 2: The Wrath of Grapes
They are going to invade our planet and soon there will be a Gagh vessel on every corner.
“You aren't Going to Tell My Mom, are You?"
And then I saw her. Standing casually next to a guy in a T-shirt, looking around for a customer to lap dance for ten dollars in the room. It was Nora. “Holy shit!” I thought. “What is she... fifteen? Did she see me? How do I get outta here?”
Me Too & Oversharing & Dick Pics ... OH MY!
Have you ever had an overwhelming feeling that you should not go out with the guy you’ve been chatting with online? Naturally, I met him at Old Town Pour House.
I Believe… [The Monotony of Public Outrage]
…that when outrage becomes so normal and monotonous that the expression of it is merely annoying rather than inspiring, perhaps a step back is necessary. I’m not tone policing, I’m tone suggesting.
I was Trying to Write Something About the New Year but I Wrote Whatever This is Instead
I think about writing, “I think about writing nothing ever again, because what’s the point in it,” but that isn’t true; I never actually thought that, it’s just a thing that enters my head as something I could write. It’s the sort of thing someone might think, probably. Not this someone, though — no, probably, I’m too convinced of my own worthiness as a writer to ever consider simply not writing. What would be the point in that?
Why Bird Box Is A Great Horror Flick
The list can go on forever but the essential point is that best of the horror genre refuse to define exactly what the monster terrorized the flawed humans is and allows the viewer to play the game.
Noble X — Episode 17: Brothers
“Why are you driving with your hazards on?” Carefully merging into the flow of traffic, John states simply as if talking about the weather, “I am slightly a hazard right now. I know that I’m not well and I want to communicate non-verbally to the other drivers on the road that I am a hazard.”
Notes from the Post-it Wall | First Week of 2019
David, if you’re going to do the Daily Mini New York Times Crossword Puzzle, it’ll help if you know the difference between “fury” and “furry.” You idiot.
The second voice arrived on Thursday morning while Monte was attempting to make toast.