American Shithole #16 — The Lord of the Rings and Beautiful Things
I foolishly thought I was done being surprised by this embarrassing presidential failure of epic proportions only America could muster, but we have dropped trou for all the world to see — and the festering boils on our wrinkled, flaccid democracy are cause for retching from here to Timbuktu.
I Dated a Woman for Her Legs and Stayed with Her for Her Cat
Mogley was just like his mother, the moment I stopped trying to get the cat to love me, he began to love me.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Funny Comic About to Make Unfunny Movie Meeting with Studio Executives
FRANK: Script schmipt! We could turn the cameras on you and just have you be funny for 88 minutes.
They Didn’t Vote For Trump. They Voted Against Us
Like me in high school, we aren’t learning that that smugness doesn’t win elections it merely makes us feel warm and fuzzy as if our ineffectual resistance will be noted by future historians as somehow significant when figuring out how to persuade those out in the world of real, flesh and bone humans separate from the avatars of the digital world that perhaps we might be able to work together for the better of everyone.
Crushed at Work
I have had at least one work crush everywhere I have been employed. The most successful crush blossomed into a three year relationship where we lived together and shared two dogs. We have since split, but I have fond memories of our time together.
How our relationship came to be is another story.
This Is What Heaven Is Like
I breathed in the scent of her, the peace and vibrancy of her spirit. I had a powerful feeling then, so strong that it echoes in me still, and I know I’ll always come back to this one perfect day. I thought, “This is exactly what heaven is like.”
![I Believe… [Stop Calling the Cops on Black People, OK?]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1525875973975-6CWYVOIOCDRGQ30J3FRM/ibelieve....jpg)
I Believe… [Stop Calling the Cops on Black People, OK?]
...that calling the police should be reserved for genuine emergencies. Anyone who calls the police because they are uneasy or uncomfortable or slightly suspicious should be fined. It's a trigger that should be, like all fucking triggers, only pulled when all other options are exhausted.
The Cost of Winning
Winning feels good. And it’s humbling. And being humbled feels good, too. Because winning with humility begets confidence. And confidence begets success. As an award-winning sports writer, and former editor in chief of a health magazine, I can now say with absolute confidence that the movie Rookie of the Year is overflowing with wildly impossibilities.
She's a Real Mother!
Who was there when I, at three years old and with an aversion to baths, ran naked in the front yard wearing only a Smokey the Bear hat? All while the mentally disabled man across the street laughed at her, pregnant with my sister?
My mom.
The Downfall of Busey
Stories of Gary Busey out of control are as common as horrifying side effects of anti-depressant medications, but rarely do any of these stories get to the heart of why Busey has been so erratic. Some attribute his behavior to his 1988 motorcycle accident and the subsequent brain damage that was the result. While the accident is an obvious and convenient way of excusing the fall of a promising talent, the event that caused the true damage was due to ego rather than asphalt.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of May 6, 2017
• Saw a street cleaning vehicle dumping its contents out into a dumpster this week. I’ve never seen that before. I had always thought that whatever filth the street cleaning vehicles sucked up got turned into Mayor Ron Emanuel’s moral code.
Dexter is My Soul Mate
I’m in love with Dexter
what a sense of social (or is it personal?) justice
but that’s not what it’s really about
REPOST: American Shithole #3 — Partisans of Liberty
In honor of the late, great Ursula K. LeGuin, I present a bit of science fiction in lieu of the daily political grind, or perhaps this would qualify as high fantasy.
Music is Magic (Am I a Poem?)
Music transcends distances between, crossing oceans,
crossing seas.
Music transcends lifespans,
living long
beyond its creator.
Spoilers Ahead: America as "The Walking Dead"
SPOILERS FOR THE WALKING DEAD AND THE UNITED STATES!! ONLY READ FURTHER IF YOU ARE CAUGHT UP ON BOTH AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!!
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - PCHS American Heroes Club
In 1942, John Wayne parachuted out of a B-52 Bomber over enemy territory while atop his horse. He landed on Normandy beach and killed 33 Nazis, 28 Japs, 14 Injuns, and 8 smelly Frenchmen. He mowed them all down armed with nothing but his bared teeth swinging a steel nut sack.
A Story About a Mom
There once was a young woman who dreamed of the day she could become a mother. Holly was beautiful, full of life and laughter and of an easy temperament. In the late 1970s, she was like dandelion seeds blowing everywhere in the wind. Whimsical and free.
Your True Personal Story is About 60% Horseshit
Many in the storytelling scene tout the fact that the stories are true personal narratives. Some talk an awful lot about telling their Truth as if that is somehow more authentic or truish than truth. The fact is, they're all (mostly) lying.
![I Believe... [Trump & West Sell the Same Snake Oil]](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/579fa3912994ca0eff850271/1525290276602-7VL391FE8JUKB3GIJCAD/63D3D89E-A10F-476D-AACA-F8F058399C12.JPG)
I Believe... [Trump & West Sell the Same Snake Oil]
...that with the definition of service animals to include emotional support animals (previously known as "pets"), soon there will be a new classification — emotional support animals for emotional support animals. Your nervous chihuahua with the IBS and shivers needs support, too. Get him a pet gerbil for his emotional support and every anxious person in America will begin looking like fucking Dr. Doolittle.
Dove Needs to Clean Up Its Act if it Hopes to Survive the Identity War
The idiom, “You can’t please everyone all the time” no longer holds water. Today, when it comes to product marketing, if you don’t please everyone all the time, you’re going to upset enough people so much that their digital pitchforks and torches can destroy your brand in an afternoon.
What’s the solution? The death of targeted marketing, maybe. If I were the director of copy, I’d suggest the following: “You know that bath time is precious.” Don’t specifically identify anyone other than the buyer, whomever and whatever that may be. It’s just as accurate.
The Theory of Pie is established in my day-to-day. How much of my time is left after, say, a long work week of eight shows in six days? Who gets that time? How much do I gatekeeper for myself?