Dexter is My Soul Mate
I’m in love with Dexter
what a sense of social (or is it personal?) justice
but that’s not what it’s really about
it’s about the intimacy of the cut to the face
the stroking with the knife
the collection of the blood
while the victim is totally helpless
bound to a table
encased in plastic
secured with duct tape
under the bright white lights
a “Here is Your Life”
display of past crimes and misdeeds
that is what is most intimate
to have someone see the truth
your crimes and mishaps
and give you the death you deserve
and enjoy it
Instead of an endless sampling
of torture porn on the internet
now I binge watch Dexter
some pinot noir in my wine glass
I want to rub blood all over my naked body
the blood of those I’ve bestowed upon
the gift of death
the slow torture
with an assortment of knives
and drills and chainsaws
and other devices of destruction
dissection
exploration
of the human body
the mass of flesh
and nerve endings
and organs
diseased and engorged
quirks of DNA
mysterious
never fully understood
speculated upon
but never fully deduced
Cuddled up on the couch
with my dolls
we snuggle
and watch Dexter
I hug them
because I can’t
hug bloody corpses
because killing people
would get me in trouble
and also
I don’t want to
clean up the mess
scrub out the blood stains
I’ve done enough of that
in my life
Why am I so fascinated by serial killers?
Well, there is the obvious
vicarious enjoyment
of creative sadism
ways to hurt people
I would never do in actual life
because of self-imposed ethical constraints
but really it’s that a serial killer
is totally alone
alone with their secrets
an existential tragic figure of sorts
Promethean Sisyphus
But aren’t we all alone with our secrets
to some extent or degree?
Oh we try to talk and share
in our clumsy attempts at emotional intimacy
but really no one knows what it’s like to be anyone else
no one knows
what it feels like to be me
people are mysterious to us
and we are mysterious to ourselves
in some ways
but serial killing reduces people
to bodies and caricatures
body parts and simplified characteristics
hands and heads and fingers and toes
genitals and hearts
hair color and character flaws