The Cost of Winning
Winning feels good. And it’s humbling. And being humbled feels good, too. Because winning with humility begets confidence. And confidence begets success. As an award-winning sports writer, and former editor in chief of a health magazine, I can now say with absolute confidence that the movie Rookie of the Year is overflowing with wildly impossibilities.
She's a Real Mother!
Who was there when I, at three years old and with an aversion to baths, ran naked in the front yard wearing only a Smokey the Bear hat? All while the mentally disabled man across the street laughed at her, pregnant with my sister?
My mom.
The Downfall of Busey
Stories of Gary Busey out of control are as common as horrifying side effects of anti-depressant medications, but rarely do any of these stories get to the heart of why Busey has been so erratic. Some attribute his behavior to his 1988 motorcycle accident and the subsequent brain damage that was the result. While the accident is an obvious and convenient way of excusing the fall of a promising talent, the event that caused the true damage was due to ego rather than asphalt.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of May 6, 2017
• Saw a street cleaning vehicle dumping its contents out into a dumpster this week. I’ve never seen that before. I had always thought that whatever filth the street cleaning vehicles sucked up got turned into Mayor Ron Emanuel’s moral code.
Dexter is My Soul Mate
I’m in love with Dexter
what a sense of social (or is it personal?) justice
but that’s not what it’s really about
REPOST: American Shithole #3 — Partisans of Liberty
In honor of the late, great Ursula K. LeGuin, I present a bit of science fiction in lieu of the daily political grind, or perhaps this would qualify as high fantasy.
Music is Magic (Am I a Poem?)
Music transcends distances between, crossing oceans,
crossing seas.
Music transcends lifespans,
living long
beyond its creator.
Spoilers Ahead: America as "The Walking Dead"
SPOILERS FOR THE WALKING DEAD AND THE UNITED STATES!! ONLY READ FURTHER IF YOU ARE CAUGHT UP ON BOTH AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!!
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - PCHS American Heroes Club
In 1942, John Wayne parachuted out of a B-52 Bomber over enemy territory while atop his horse. He landed on Normandy beach and killed 33 Nazis, 28 Japs, 14 Injuns, and 8 smelly Frenchmen. He mowed them all down armed with nothing but his bared teeth swinging a steel nut sack.
A Story About a Mom
There once was a young woman who dreamed of the day she could become a mother. Holly was beautiful, full of life and laughter and of an easy temperament. In the late 1970s, she was like dandelion seeds blowing everywhere in the wind. Whimsical and free.
Your True Personal Story is About 60% Horseshit
Many in the storytelling scene tout the fact that the stories are true personal narratives. Some talk an awful lot about telling their Truth as if that is somehow more authentic or truish than truth. The fact is, they're all (mostly) lying.
I Believe... [Trump & West Sell the Same Snake Oil]
...that with the definition of service animals to include emotional support animals (previously known as "pets"), soon there will be a new classification — emotional support animals for emotional support animals. Your nervous chihuahua with the IBS and shivers needs support, too. Get him a pet gerbil for his emotional support and every anxious person in America will begin looking like fucking Dr. Doolittle.
Dove Needs to Clean Up Its Act if it Hopes to Survive the Identity War
The idiom, “You can’t please everyone all the time” no longer holds water. Today, when it comes to product marketing, if you don’t please everyone all the time, you’re going to upset enough people so much that their digital pitchforks and torches can destroy your brand in an afternoon.
What’s the solution? The death of targeted marketing, maybe. If I were the director of copy, I’d suggest the following: “You know that bath time is precious.” Don’t specifically identify anyone other than the buyer, whomever and whatever that may be. It’s just as accurate.
Loose Chicks Featured Chick: Eileen Tull
Listen to some of her stories at the next Loose Chicks — 7:15 p.m., May 11 at Uncharted Books, 2620 N Milwaukee, Chicago, IL
It Was A Dream; [She] Was a Dream
And that tuft of hair on her mound of Venus that surrounded her lips and teased itself into a perfect curl with the perfect color. She was my ideal.
Then I saw my body, scarred — from the cesarean, fat, lined, wrinkled. It was mine. I heard a woman in the background say, Roberta’s breasts are too large. And it’s just not pretty.
You see, the people in my dreams talk, and they are not always kind.
Do Nothing. Try Something Different. Choose.
You are faced with a broken model of going about things. What the specifics of that model are are irrelevant. It simply is not working as either efficiently or pragmatically as you or everyone involved need it to be.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of April 29, 2018
• Ah, yes, May 4th. The day Star Wars fans make fun of people with lisps.
Humpty Dumpty Fell Off the Wall and Now Lives As a Paraplegic
An insidious side effect of social media is that, while in the world of flesh and bone I can craftily avoid those weaselly fuckers whom I find noxious and hateful, with the many fence-sitters on that Friends list, I am constantly surprised by things that remind me of them. The ease of not choosing online, of remaining detached and out of the line of fire, creates webs of connectivity with people whom we no longer want to be connected.
American Shithole #15 — Comedians Unite! Except You, Dennis
Michelle did her fucking job. She kicked all the chairs out from underneath you, you sleepy-eyed, coddled, shitgibbon enablers — and apparently you couldn’t tell ruthless political commentary from a fugly joke, if your journalistic integrity depended on it.
Puppy vs. Baby and the Myth of Unconditional Love
Someone somewhere probably said something like, “If you want to know unconditional love, get a puppy and have a baby.” That someone was an idiot.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.