Notes from the Post-it Wall — Halloween Edition
• There’s nothing scarier than having your mom show up to your Halloween party dressed as a slutty caterpillar.
Until There's Only One
“After that, the people in my village believed the prisoner’s story, and everyone avoided the woods at all costs. And, if children were behaving especially badly, their parents would tell them the tale to punish them. And punishment surely comes.”
The nanny’s face was grim as she stared at the children. She rose from her chair and flicked off the light. In the kitchen, she poured a circle of salt around a chair at the table and rested there with her hands clasped in prayer.
Hagatha the Dog Witch
Hagatha, upon arriving in Chicago, had developed an allergy to cats. She tried Zyrtec, Claritin and Allegra, and all the potions and spells in her Witch Craft: Curses & Remedies book. Nothing helped. Her eyes watered, which made her face melt a little. Her nose ran constantly, and witch snot is essentially acid so she kept burning through her handkerchiefs and shirt sleeves. The only solution was to put her beloved cat, Gomez, whom she had had since she conjured him to life two centuries ago, up for adoption.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - Archangel Alliance
“Whaddup, motherfuckers? Don’t mind me. I’m not here. You go ahead and just do your thang. Your sweet, sweet thang. Seriously, Michael. Go on ahead. Ignore me. I’m cool.” — God
The Ease of Accusation and Biased Belief
This is likewise not to indicate innocence of predatory behaviors or to suggest that we should not give accusations of sexual misconduct and criminal behavior a full hearing. For most of recorded history, women and those in the minority have been systematically been disbelieved for no other reason than to protect a false hierarchy and thus demonize those accusers. Disbelief for reasons outside of the facts is just as erroneous and damaging as belief for the same reasons. Making the mistake of over-correction is still making the same mistake.
Escaping Hell
I had always wondered what the descent into hell is like. For the record, it was nothing like I had imagined. The drop was unknowing. It was innocent and comforting. I felt understood. The initial plunge into Satan’s lair was my first conversation with Frank.
I Believe... [George W. is Enjoying the Trumpster Fire]
...that, if nothing else, at least the ineffectual pile of runny dogshit that is the Donald Trump presidency has managed to rehabilitate the image of poor, dimwitted George W.
Whitish Lives Matter | Literate Ape 2067
Dateline: Old Chicago, 2067
It’s been 25 years since that magic year of 2042 where, as predicted, whites were no longer the majority in the Reorganized States of America. Everything went as the social scientists predicted. Now, there are far more People of Color in the country. There are now far more People of Color in power throughout the country.
Gorski and The Goat
On a urine-stained olive green cot in the back room of Rosalda’s Cantina in Ciudad Juarez, I came to. Blacked out. Again. A smell I couldn’t quite put a finger on. Rank breath, a muffled gurgle and what felt like whiskers. I hope not our hostess, or worse, one of her chicas.
Make NOT Doing the Wrong Thing a Habit
"Me, too."
Following the explosive revelation of something everyone already knew about—the serial abuse upon countless women in Hollywood by Harvey Weinstein—the simple request online was for any woman who had experienced sexual harassment or assault to respond with “Me, too.”
The numbers of women who typed those two words was harrowing and maddening.
Most men online were either silent (that was my response) or typed in response “I believe you.”
Neither the declaration of contextless assault nor the insincere blanket belief is particularly helpful. It is the activism of the internet—looks good but generally doesn’t amount to much.
I was 13 years old in 1979. My mother had been married a couple of times by then and I had witnessed my first step-father, Dennis Coley, routinely beat my mother with his fists, with a belt, with a cast iron skillet. In terms of toxic masculine behavior, I had a front row seat to the freak show.
One would think that being audience to that would have an effect.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of October 15, 2017
• My days go by so fast so often. That's a good thing because most of my days suck.
Deconstruction Of a Pledge
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America...
My Brother The Yogi — An Interview with Christian Jerman
My brother and I get along famously. We had a great time growing up together, and my life would be so incredibly bereft if he wasn't around. He and I as people, however, have persued some differing skill sets. Aside from music, which we both love to make and make together, he has begun to cultivate a learned and engaging physiospiritual work ethic within the arts of yoga.
Recently I had the opportunity to ask my only sibling to go on the record about his background and current thoughts for this oft-misunderstood practice.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting - Sexual Predators Celebrity VIP Chapter
" I don’t know why masturbating in front of someone is considered assault. I’m the only one getting groped.
The Men of Me Too
I’m talking to the guys here.
At first glance, men speaking out on social media in solidarity to the most recent movement to appropriately criminalize, demonize and recognize the all-too-common occurrence of women being sexually harassed and assaulted seems like a great thing. However, I’m concerned that the best kind of solidarity men can offer right now is by shutting up so you don't crowd those women speaking up.
Where The Lost Things Go
The circumstances involving those who wash ashore on Lost and Found Island are always mysterious and are never solved. I, for one, went to bed one night on a completely routine Wednesday and woke up sunburnt and salty on the sandy east shore of the island. I was found not long after by the other lost humans who inhabit the mysterious place. They came to the shore with goat-pulled trolley carts and filled them with the random debris that washed ashore. They collected the debris and took it, and me, to their village that was nestled in a grassy clearing. When the shock wore off, I spoke with them and learned that everything that gets lost in the world comes here to Lost and Found Island. This includes people.
I Believe... [Shifting Demographics]
...that when piranha smell blood in the water, even paper cuts will doom you.
Illiterate Dick
"Hey Laura. I have to be honest, I recognize you from the Chicago Storytellers Facebook group. I'm Aaron. It's nice to meet you," The Match.com message read.
First of all my name is Lauren, I thought you said you recognized me, and second of all I am done dating storytellers and/or comedians. They are disasters.
I replied politely. "Hi Aaron. Actually it's Lauren not Laura. Thanks for reaching out."
This chat message was the start of a half-assed romance that lasted the hottest months of 2016.
You Aren’t Harvey Weinstein So Calm Down
Seriously.
On the heels of the not so surprising news that a mega-wealthy, older, white, Hollywood power broker turned out to be a serial sexual harasser there are now articles and statuses and tweets going around that other men are now afraid to meet with women because they might then be accused of the same.
Calm down, already.
What We Can Learn from Charlize Theron, Elon Musk, and Trevor Noah
Charlize Theron was born in South Africa. Elon Musk was born in South Africa. Trevor Noah was born in South Africa. Yet, of these three brilliant, talented, successful people, only one was born a crime in South Africa.
“Journey will survive the apocalypse. Cockroaches, radiation, and some asshole singing “Don't Stop Believin'” over the ruins of Cincinnati.”
“Why Cincinnati?”
“Seems like the kind of place where the apocalypse would start.”