...that I may need to date just so I can avoid the routine description of a serial killer ‘unsub’ on Criminal Minds—white male, lives alone, changes jobs frequently, antisocial. Eek.

...that a more effective approach to shame is mockery.

...that a few bad apples only spoil the barrel if you let them. Most of those apples are pretty good and tasty.

...that the secret to a successful day is the flexibility to pivot when things go sideways.

...that treating people with the same respect you would like for yourself isn’t difficult as long as you don’t expect the same treatment in return.

...that old age as a concept has little to do with the slowing of the body and far more to do with the decay of curiosity.

...that a mullet on a man is silly but a mullet on a woman is an aggressive statement of independence and empowerment in the shadow of the patriarchy.

...that, if grit and industry is something you respect, you have to hand it to thieves who steal catalytic converters because at least they aren’t sitting on the sidewalk with a cup.

...that a long walk in a neighborhood you’ve done a million things in is both a reminder of times gone by and a call for something new on old ground.

...that each of us is defined in large and small ways by the people we choose to have in our lives. Be discriminating and choose wisely.

...that El Ranchero Chips are the single tortilla chip in the known universe.

...that the term ‘artivism’ refers to an opportunity for mediocre artists to be embraced for their ideological stance rather than the quality of their work while be applauded for both.

...that few things feel better in an existential sense than work that involves both your brain and your body, with people who respect you and have high expectations, and the presence of readily available public restrooms.

...that life comes in circles and the best of us learn to really turn into the curves without spinning out.

...that the feeling of leaving a job you found perfunctory on good days, incredibly dull on others, and completely odious 30% of the time is one of both liberation and lightness.

...that polyamory is just white women gentrifying the gay man’s lifestyle and calling it something brunch-y.

...that, for me, the definition of willpower is to purchase a block of aged cheddar cheese and still have some of it left a week later. Small wins, gang, small wins.

...that each intelligent voter should focus on policies rather than personalities. The dumbasses will vote for their favorite wrestler.

...that the ever present fear of AI can only be overcome by Taylor Swift getting mad that after a billion photos of her online were manipulated to create fake porn. AI had no idea what a quagmire it entered on this one.