All tagged dating

Don't Give Me a Hard Time About Condoms and Other Pickup One-Night Stand Caveats

There are certain things you shouldn't do without asking first or negotiating beforehand. And you shouldn't get all pissy if you're denied. These include, but are not limited to, the following:

  • pissing on my face
  • ass to vagina or ass to mouth
  • verbal abuse (Though the usual dirty talk is okay and even preferred)
  • anything that breaks or significantly marks the skin (Although, I get a kick out of having to cover hickeys with concealer before I go to work the next day. Makes me feel like a teenager.)

Sex, Lies & Improvisers

We were in a full blown relationship for almost a year. After his basic training his personality shifted and he started showing his true colors: a narcissistic, insecure, chauvinist. I ignored it. I held on to the beginning of our relationship, when we were obsessed with each other, having sex non stop, taking exotic vacations, talking about marriage.

Escaping Hell

I had always wondered what the descent into hell is like. For the record, it was nothing like I had imagined. The drop was unknowing. It was innocent and comforting. I felt understood. The initial plunge into Satan’s lair was my first conversation with Frank.

Illiterate Dick

"Hey Laura. I have to be honest, I recognize you from the Chicago Storytellers Facebook group. I'm Aaron. It's nice to meet you," The Match.com message read.

First of all my name is Lauren, I thought you said you recognized me, and second of all I am done dating storytellers and/or comedians. They are disasters. 

I replied politely. "Hi Aaron. Actually it's Lauren not Laura. Thanks for reaching out."

This chat message was the start of a half-assed romance that lasted the hottest months of 2016.

You Aren’t Harvey Weinstein So Calm Down

Seriously. 

On the heels of the not so surprising news that a mega-wealthy, older, white, Hollywood power broker turned out to be a serial sexual harasser there are now articles and statuses and tweets going around that other men are now afraid to meet with women because they might then be accused of the same. 

Calm down, already.