Look on the bright side of things. The pandemic was a boon for hand sanitizer manufacturers and with Roe v. Wade overturned, the makers of Plan B are going to make a killing!

I've met rabid Evangelicals who are easier on the senses than most basic bitches with their rush to autumn—pumpkin spice, sweaters, and jackets. You people are insufferable prior to September 21st and mind numbingly annoying every day thereafter.

Easter has been cancelled. They found the body.

If archeologists happened to find the body of Christ—proof he didn’t go to heaven—that would automatically make every Christian either a Jew or a Muslim. Wouldn’t that be fun?

These last few weeks, I’ve listened to the words of Illinois Governor J.B. Pritzker and the hosts of NPR and PBS news programs. Shit is bad. Things are fucking fucked up. And we’re doing the best we can based off of the shitty truth this coronavirus COVID-19 forces our leaders and exhausted experts bring us. And I’m no dummy. I can read writing on the wall. These are end times. And that’s why I’ve made the very hard, very serious decision to convert to Christianity.