Sometimes life can feel like the final week before your next haircut. It’s awkward and difficult to manage, but know that better (hair) days are ahead.

I love watching women walk in heels. It’s either sexy or clumsy and either way, it always makes me smile.

There’s so much shit going on that if a civil war were to occur, most of us wouldn’t even know what side we’re fighting for or against. America, like a cranky toddler, needs a goddamn nap.

Our formative years will always speak to us.

The darker the humor, the better the medicine.

Kill every absolute. Absolutely.

How we feel in our hearts does not determine how everyone else feels.

Criticism does not equate to anti-Semitism.

When you stop missing the dead, that’s when their life loses meaning.

Israel violating international humanitarian law by using white phosphorus on citizens is a perfect example of how Israel is America’s most annoying friend. You go out, they get a bit too drunk, dump a little white phosphorus, next thing you know, they’re puking in the Uber on the way home. You just can’t take this guy anywhere.