Where The Lost Things Go

Where The Lost Things Go

The circumstances involving those who wash ashore on Lost and Found Island are always mysterious and are never solved. I, for one, went to bed one night on a completely routine Wednesday and woke up sunburnt and salty on the sandy east shore of the island. I was found not long after by the other lost humans who inhabit the mysterious place. They came to the shore with goat-pulled trolley carts and filled them with the random debris that washed ashore. They collected the debris and took it, and me, to their village that was nestled in a grassy clearing. When the shock wore off, I spoke with them and learned that everything that gets lost in the world comes here to Lost and Found Island. This includes people.

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Illiterate Dick

Illiterate Dick

"Hey Laura. I have to be honest, I recognize you from the Chicago Storytellers Facebook group. I'm Aaron. It's nice to meet you," The Match.com message read.

First of all my name is Lauren, I thought you said you recognized me, and second of all I am done dating storytellers and/or comedians. They are disasters. 

I replied politely. "Hi Aaron. Actually it's Lauren not Laura. Thanks for reaching out."

This chat message was the start of a half-assed romance that lasted the hottest months of 2016.

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You Aren’t Harvey Weinstein So Calm Down

You Aren’t Harvey Weinstein So Calm Down

Seriously. 

On the heels of the not so surprising news that a mega-wealthy, older, white, Hollywood power broker turned out to be a serial sexual harasser there are now articles and statuses and tweets going around that other men are now afraid to meet with women because they might then be accused of the same. 

Calm down, already. 

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Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of October 8, 2017

Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of October 8, 2017

• The dirtiest roommates I’ve had have all been women. #TheFutureisFilthy #NastyWoman

• I’m a Cubs fan but I don’t really want the Cubs to win the World Series again. The last time they won Donald Trump was elected president. If you think those two incredibly inconceivable things aren’t related, you’re not paying attention.

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Kaepernick Has Nothing To Complain About

Kaepernick Has Nothing To Complain About

I've heard people I love and respect say things like, "Colin Kaepernick has nothing to complain about. He's a freakin' millionaire!" at which point I'm thinking, "Wait a minute, he's not protesting for himself. It's for racial injustice. What you're saying makes you sound racist. I don't want to think of you as a racist. I don't want to think of you like I think of our president and vice president."

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The Thrill of Cannons and My American Male Lizard Brain

The Thrill of Cannons and My American Male Lizard Brain

I’m a child of the ‘80s. I grew up during the Cold War in the warm embrace of America’s beautifully violent and heroic narrative. Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Willis, He-Man… I used to think that Batman was a pussy because he wore kevlar. Rambo essentially rewrote history by winning the Vietnam War shirtless. And he blew up a helicopter gun ship with a bow and arrow. But I always knew this was bullshit. Hollywood. I may have fantasized about saving my school or my family or an office building from terrorists with weapons but I always knew that actually doing so was pure imagination.

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Breaking Down the 2nd Amendment

Breaking Down the 2nd Amendment

The Constitution does not provide for the personal right to a firearm. It was never debated or even brought up. In 1780, the idea of a person living, on what was mostly wild frontier, without a firearm would seem like a joke. It was such an accepted part of life that it was completely unnecessary to discuss. This does not mean that firearms are evil or useless or should be confiscated. It means the argument that even the most modest form of regulation is a constitutional rights violation is invalid.

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