I Give You Nothing
Contributor, Fiction Contributing Writer Contributor, Fiction Contributing Writer

I Give You Nothing

She was America’s wet dream, white, blonde, and beautiful. Of course, these physical characteristics were used against her, primarily by those who had not achieved a fraction of what she had earned. Her accomplishments were never, according to these people, the fruits of her natural intellect and hard labor. Rather, they were the inevitable conclusion derived from the size of her breasts/ass/stomach, as well as a particularly nasty rumor that had been circulating since sophomore year concerning an alleged handjob she had given to Mr. Howley—the English teacher who organized these events—behind the bleachers in the old gymnasium.

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The Unhinged Prince of Hollywood (…Or, How Will Smith Auditioned for the Brett Kavanaugh Biopic)
David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel

The Unhinged Prince of Hollywood (…Or, How Will Smith Auditioned for the Brett Kavanaugh Biopic)

Smith displayed the most overused and exhausted Hollywood trope in real time in real life: toxic masculinity. Swooping in to defend the honor of his fair maiden. There was nothing valiant about it. Maybe Jada thought so, but the rest of the world didn’t. So maybe it’s best to keep their antiquated gender dynamics in their bedroom.

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Extinguished Light
Contributor, Fiction Contributing Writer Contributor, Fiction Contributing Writer

Extinguished Light

He broke into a piece of the earth with his shovel. The burial, he had decided, would take place in front of the farm. The surrounding soil was fertile enough, so the dig wouldn’t be too taxing, physically speaking. Halfway through, the father appeared to lose control of his basic motor skills. He dropped the shovel and immediately fell to his knees and began to dry-heave. The heaving gave way to a sudden and hostile appearance of vomit that expelled out of his mouth with a force that could only be described as audacious.

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Things Discovered Upon Quitting That Cushy Gig
Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall

Things Discovered Upon Quitting That Cushy Gig

The easy road is to accept that age is a prison. You become obsolete over time. Just resign yourself to that obsolescence and retire to a corner, whittling stick figures and rocking in that chair. I've never been one to take the easy path and I'm starting now.

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The David Himmel Method for Getting Over Breakups
David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel David Himmel

The David Himmel Method for Getting Over Breakups

You’re going to be okay. You’re worth more than your broken heart has you believing. You’ll live to love again. Or you’ll live. And that’s enough. Because you are enough. Be it for yourself or someone else. Someone who won’t leave you in a puddle of misery the next time around. And if they do, you’ll be ready for it.

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Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 6, 2022
David Himmel, Post-It Wall Notes David Himmel David Himmel, Post-It Wall Notes David Himmel

Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 6, 2022

There’s a cop who lives down the street from us. They fly a Blue Line American flag. This week, they swapped it out for a green American flag with one of the stripes replaced with four leaf clovers with the Ireland flag colors in them. So, not only does this officer of the law degrade the American flag by flying ones with manipulated colors, they’ve incorporated another country’s flag into our own. Patriotism is strange. But what should I expect from an Irish Chicago cop?

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You Don't Mess Around with Jim (after COVID and he has a gun now)
Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall Don Hall

You Don't Mess Around with Jim (after COVID and he has a gun now)

And you don't take a completely irrational population, after spending a few years in lockdown in fear of an invisible virus and prone to yelling at each other for either wearing or not wearing a cloth mask in a Sbarro, and give them unfettered access to the largest arsenal of personal weapons in history. It's just dumb. It's dangerous. It's catastrophic.

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