American Jobs—The Diamond Standard Station
For seven months before my freshman year in college, I worked at a gas station. Diamond Standard Station, proprietor, L. D. Diamond.
Extinguished Light
He broke into a piece of the earth with his shovel. The burial, he had decided, would take place in front of the farm. The surrounding soil was fertile enough, so the dig wouldn’t be too taxing, physically speaking. Halfway through, the father appeared to lose control of his basic motor skills. He dropped the shovel and immediately fell to his knees and began to dry-heave. The heaving gave way to a sudden and hostile appearance of vomit that expelled out of his mouth with a force that could only be described as audacious.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 13, 2022
There is truth in stereotypes. Do your best not to be a stereotype.
I Like to Watch | Nostalgia Porn
As a GenXer, I've started to notice what can only be called Nostalgia Porn as it is the practice of taking cherished memories of movies and recreating them with the same actors playing the same roles with a fresher coat of technological paint.
A Letter from Uncle Sam
I’m the guy with the white hair and beard who dresses like he’s on his way to a Trump Rally.
Excerpt: My Kind of Corporal Punishment
The following is an excerpt from the book "Strippers, Guns, and The Holocaust Museum: OR: How I Survived My Time as a Chicago Public School Music Teacher"
I Believe... [Public Education, My Ass]
I believe... that you either give teachers appropriate compensation or authority in the classroom. One or the other. Take away both and you get completely unqualified babysitters searching on their phones while your kids become a modern version of the boys in Lord of the Flies but with TikTok.
Things Discovered Upon Quitting That Cushy Gig
The easy road is to accept that age is a prison. You become obsolete over time. Just resign yourself to that obsolescence and retire to a corner, whittling stick figures and rocking in that chair. I've never been one to take the easy path and I'm starting now.
The David Himmel Method for Getting Over Breakups
You’re going to be okay. You’re worth more than your broken heart has you believing. You’ll live to love again. Or you’ll live. And that’s enough. Because you are enough. Be it for yourself or someone else. Someone who won’t leave you in a puddle of misery the next time around. And if they do, you’ll be ready for it.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 6, 2022
There’s a cop who lives down the street from us. They fly a Blue Line American flag. This week, they swapped it out for a green American flag with one of the stripes replaced with four leaf clovers with the Ireland flag colors in them. So, not only does this officer of the law degrade the American flag by flying ones with manipulated colors, they’ve incorporated another country’s flag into our own. Patriotism is strange. But what should I expect from an Irish Chicago cop?
Evolution?
“I’m not happy with you two. You guys missed the target altogether! What you put together will soon destroy itself and now we have to start all over someplace else.”
You Don't Mess Around with Jim (after COVID and he has a gun now)
And you don't take a completely irrational population, after spending a few years in lockdown in fear of an invisible virus and prone to yelling at each other for either wearing or not wearing a cloth mask in a Sbarro, and give them unfettered access to the largest arsenal of personal weapons in history. It's just dumb. It's dangerous. It's catastrophic.
Darkness
“You alright?” asks the cop.
I try again. It’s harder and harder to breath. My chest.
“I can’t breathe. My sternum. It’s bursting out of my chest.” I lean on his car.
“Whoa there, fella, I just got it washed.”
“Please. Help me.”
The cop laughs. “Looks like you’re dying.” He stretches his arms back with a yawn, then straightens his hat. “Time for me go.”
“No.” Another gasp.
I Believe... [Rushin' Cancellations]
...that cancelling Russian food, Russian television show, Russian dressing, rushin’ around in traffic is a sign that Americans are a bit too dense to enter any European wars anytime soon.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of February 27, 2022
One of the Oath Keepers pleaded guilty to sedition. Could be going to jail for the better part of a decade. Boy, those antifa folks sure are committed to the mission.
Seven Things Learned from Taylor Sheridan's '1883'
1883 is the tale of the Dutton ancestors traveling along the Oregon Trail (just like the early video game most of us GenXers played on ancient home computers) on the way to Montana to settle the Yellowstone/Dutton ranch. Featuring Sam Elliot, Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, and Isabel May, I gained an appreciation for Sheridan's work (he is the sole writer of every episode) and just finished it last night.
[From the Archives] America is Not the Amityville Horror or Poltergeist House
The house that is the United States, if it were an actual house, has plenty of flakey hemoglobin on the grounds.
I Believe... [Taiwanese Anxiety Disorder]
I believe... that the most nervous government on the globe right now is Taiwan.
Eggplant Toothpaste - Thoughts from Miles Tangine, Thought Leader
I’m not just a thought leader, I’m a thought breeder!
The Forgotten Woman in the Gold, Oval Frame
The woman stood in a gold, oval frame. The frame hung above the small desk in my grandparents’ bedroom for at least since I was born. This was the desk where my grandmother, Nonny, wrote notes and cards and checks. The desk where she kept things like pens and stationary and correspondence and a few important documents.
The first chapter of an in-progress novel.
“The voice began on a Tuesday morning while Monte Walsh was standing in his kitchen, holding an unopened package of bacon over the garbage can.”