The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Brand Dating with Poopie-DEW!
When Poopie-DEW says something racist, he can say, “I’m not racist. My girlfriend is…whatever you are.”
In-The-Dark-Cloud Town Where People Wear Mud
When the people of Gruntings get up in the morning, they roll out of bed and fall right into a mud pile they have on floor. It’s standard in the Gruntings culture to be covered in mud all day long. To be seen without mud all over your body would be like any of us stepping outside to see our neighbor mowing the grass naked.
I Believe… [Vapid Pursuits Leave Us With No Heroes]
…that in a period when our heroes are labeled heroic because they are wealthy, famous, or both it’s no wonder we live in a perpetual state of despair.
I Built You, And You Served Me Well
I was looking for you—exactly you.
Dark wood, plenty of drawers, old-timey, affordable.
My smile nearly broke my face when I found you on display in that Las Vegas Office Depot.
Three hundred bucks was the top of my budget.
You were well worth it.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of August 2, 2020
I believe we should take every step to accommodate those who have hindering disabilities. That is not to say we should carry the paraplegic up every flight of stairs because they don’t like wheelchairs.
Goodnight Jimmy: Requiem For A Feathered Family Member
We lost our little Jimmy.
Our little cockatiel.
She was the best little bird anybody could have ever had a deep and abiding friendship with.
Thirteen-and-a-half years with this little baby. She was our “Tiny Chicken.” We spoiled her like no bird has ever been spoiled.
The Sadness and the Quietness
the sadness
that is people
the sadness of wanting to die
but being compelled to live
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Questions to Ask Yourself to Have a Great Day!
Are these the same clothes I slept in?
In The Young Century
There was a lot of noise and shouting by this time, but my grandmother knew just what came next. She reached for the matches for her cigarettes in her apron pocket and began to light the massive bobbins. Moving down the row, crawling fast and watching from the floor as the flames climbed the yarn and smoke began to billow at the ceiling. The workers went fast for the exits when she was pulled from under the spooler and tied to a sewing table chair by a floor manager.
I Believe… [The Difference Between a Classy or Trashy Neck Tattoo]
I believe… that instead of banning neck and face tattoos from their casino and hotel, The D Las Vegas should instead ban trashy neck and face tattoos. You know, encourage Suicide Girls to come gamble but discourage White Power Cletus from swinging by.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 26, 2020
It’s time to cancel white men who wear Birkenstocks.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | The Cure For COVID-19
I’m Dr. Joe Janes, MD. MD stands for Mediocre Duck. (quack)
A Shock to the System: Can an All Encompassing Revolution Sustain Itself?
“This is not going to go the way you think.”
- Luke Skywalker
Hostility is NOT Violence — Hurt Feelings Are Not a Broken Jaw
I learned a lot of things being bullied consistently for seven years in a row.
I Believe… [Equal and Opposite]
…that Twitter has devolved into the FOX News for the Left.
I Like to Watch: The Rock (1996)
But the sheer out-of-body beauty and over-the-top ridiculousness of 1996’s Nicholas Cage/Sean Connery spectacle The Rock is the pinnacle of machismo Michael Bay genius.
Being Against Things is Easy; Finding Reasons for Hope is the Challenge
Sitting in the 109 degree heat in the desert, contemplating my own mortality in the wake of climate change, civil unrest, the looming economic cesspool, and, oh yeah, a pandemic causes me to gaze hard into the abyss of my soul. I find it wanting of less to be against and more to be for.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of July 19, 2020
• The polls say Biden is ahead of Trump. Why are we listening to polls? Why do we have any faith in pools? Has 2016 taught us nothing?
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | The Battle of Portland Letters
It is with good cheer that I tell you all the statues still stand, and all the Target stores remain unsullied.
Neither Left nor Right: Eventually Embracing Ethical Universalism
I, being the Traditional Liberal I am (maybe I should start a bowling league?), favor ethical universalism, that is the position that there is a universal ethic which applies to all people, regardless of culture, race, sex, religion, nationality, sexuality or other distinguishing feature, and all the time.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.