How Do You Know What You Know? A Lesson to Eighth Graders
Ignorance isn’t stupidity. Ignorance is the absence of knowledge. The remedy to ignorance is the opposite of certainty.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of April 19, 2020
If your concern over stay-at-home orders is because of the negative impact it may have on mental health, fuck you. Where was your concern over mental health before you couldn’t get your Starbucks each day?
The Sacrificial Lamb and What is Worth the Slaughter? Let’s Behead Carl!
The question isn’t do we put a price on human life but what costs do we place upon it. And this is answered within a framework of context.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Shelly’s Georgia Peach Hair Salon and Spa Reopens!
Check out this comb and shears… That’s a rake and a sharp knife on the end of a stick.
We Will Get Fooled Again...and Again...and Again
What we’re experiencing is not a “new” normal. It’s just normal.
The Economy Will Recover, it Just Won’t Resemble The Economy You’re Used to Living Within
In 1933, they didn’t have Netflix, booze delivered to your home, or Hot Pockets. The Joad’s didn’t have the option of a drive-thru Burger King.
I Believe… [It’s the Flags You Fly That Brand You a Dipshit]
I believe… that no matter how righteous your protest, as soon as you display that Confederate flag and those swastikas, we all know you’re an asshole.
Cleaning Toilets on Grave Yard Shift is a Trip, Man
Here’s a bit of knowledge to dole out. Drunk men are juvenile. They piss on stuff. They piss on the floor around the urinals. They piss on the toilet. They piss on full rolls of toilet paper. Like Storm Troopers in Star Wars, their aim is for shit.
Drunk women on the other side are monsters. Filthy and almost angry in the bathroom. Shit smeared on the walls. Used tampons stuck to the floor. Half-empty glasses left in the corners covered in lipstick. Half-eaten food on the sinks.
Finding Purchase In the Post-Pandemic Economy: Dystopia or a Brave New World?
The smartest among us are not focused on blame right now. The smartest among us are looking to science the shit out of the problem. The dumbest protest the solutions while offering nothing but noise in return.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of April 12, 2020
Walked past the nice homeless guy who hangs around outside my 7-11. He said, “Hey, man! I love your dog, you know!” I said, “Hey, buddy! How’re you doing?” He said, “I’m proud to be American!” And that right there… There is no greater exchange to exemplify how terribly mental illness impacts the homeless community.
Odyssey Preppers: A slothful meditation
How easily even the driven-to-dream Odyssey Prepper becomes paralyzed by the myriad comprehensive depths of MacGyver-esque preparedness choices. The Platonic mind frozen in delicious deliberation of future liberation.
Going Down the Prepper Rabbit Hole
I wasn't worried about running out of Clorox wipes until I saw they’re prioritized for hospitals on Amazon and totally out of stock at Walgreens, Target, Walmart, Staples, etc.
My sister often says, “Our family is not surviving the zombie apocalypse.”
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Thank Trump!
No one be thanking God if they survive. They’ll be thanking Donald Trump.
A Small Café in Paris
He looks at the glass. He looks at the waitress. Two miserable cubes float in an inch of water. Water from the melted ice. Water with floating black specks in it. He is afraid to ask for more ice. Fear keeps him from drinking the water. And watered-down Pepsi will not do. He drinks the water, despite his fear. He does not want watered-down Pepsi. He pours the Pepsi. The ice melts.
I Believe… [More Than Social Distancing]
…that in addition to giving each other six feet of distance physically, we might also consider giving each other a bit of judgement distance as well. None of us really know what the fuck we’re doing in this period of history and everyone is trying to do the best they can with limited (and sometimes skewed) information.
Tips from the Universal Household Assistant | Lungs—to protect from dust.—
A simple and cheap protection from such annoyance is to get a piece of sponge large enough to cover the nostrils and mouth, hollow it out on one side with a pair of scissors to fit the face, attach a string to each side, and tie it on.
Lessons on Self-Isolation as Learned from Binge Watching “Big Brother” and “Love Island” with Just a Bit of Shame for Doing So
While you languish in self-exile playing board games and participating in Zoom cocktail parties, I did something truly shameful as a research project: I binge-watched Big Brother: Season 21 and Love Island: Fiji.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of April 4, 2020
The religious and passively observant religious welcome spring by celebrating two of the Bible’s most violent and frightening stories. Among the abandoning and killing of children, general death and destruction, and zombies ascending to heaven, I do hope you can stop to enjoy the smell of tulips in bloom.
Fur is Murder
As loved as we were by the Boschmann’s, we were still a negro family and had to live in the negro part of town. This part of town was not Officer Sweeney’s beat. He being at our door to arrest my Ronnie was strictly a courtesy. At some point during all the celebration, Mr. Stanley had been murdered. Stabbed in the throat three times. Another four times in the chest and seventeen times in his crotch. I nearly dropped Caroline as Officer Sweeney gave us more details while the other cops escorted Ronnie back to our bedroom so he could get dressed before they slapped cuffs on him.
What is This “Due Process” You Speak Of, Alyssa Milano?
Honestly, the last time I gave two shits what Alyssa Milano or Rose McGowen thought about anything was... well... never. That said, I’m tired of writing about the fucking COVID-19 world so let’s dive in, shall we?
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.