The Inability to Hear What is Being Said Plus the Belief in Horseshit Makes a Really Bad Trip
Everyone—even those who exclusively watch FOX News and somehow find the Donald to be inspiring rather than a fucking embarrassment—is hearing the words being said by those most credible (“Stay inside. Wash your hands. Avoid crowds. Flatten the curve”) yet cannot quite grasp the meaning.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Dr. Trump
I may not be a real doctor, but I still bill like one. See you in church! Or court!
I Like to Watch | The Postman (1997)
I am most taken by the idea that the thing needed to unite us as a country is simple correspondence. Mail delivered and received. Making the postman a mythic figure connecting disparate groups and loved ones.
Costco and the Apocalypse
We are all connected . . .
I Believe… [Crisis Management]
I believe… that how you behave in a crisis will determine how well you do once it’s passed.
Final Summation Review Report and Log of Science Team Executive Lieutenant Dr. Lana VanDavis - June, 2032 -
On a brief recreational fishing expedition lead by Captain Max Goldwell, we discovered more advanced stages of Gyre Syndrome had already occurred in some populations of larger sealife- turtles and whales specifically. It sounds like a terrible thing, but really it managed to be an extraordinary physiological phenomena tantamount to a mid-21st century evolution. The last collusion in the name of the pursuit of perfection between man’s desires and nature’s will.
Trip Report | Day 15: Springfield, Illinois
Real Evil is More Like Carter Burke
The stock market is just white collar gambling.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 15, 2020
This COVID-19 pandemic is worse than 9/11 because we can’t hug each other.
Highlights from My Love Life
My first high school steady
was a computer geek.
I read sci-fi novels
and corrected his college essay.
We tried bondage and anal.
I'm lucky his interest in me
wasn't confined to the cranial.
The Time When Your Character is Defined
We don’t get to pick the times when we are tested. We don’t have control over those moments in history when who we are as humans is defined. All we can do is choose in those moments what kind of mettle of which we are made.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – The President’s Guidelines for America
If your children are sick, let their mother take care of them.
The Primary Reason I Didn’t Vote in the Illinois Primary
The primary reason I didn’t vote in the Illinois Primary yesterday—Rachel Maddow’s third best orgasm of 2020—is simple: It wasn’t important.
Our Lack of Trust is Worse Than Pandemic
“How do I quarantine without a place to fucking live?”
I Believe… [Toilet Paper? Really?]
I believe… that buying toilet paper in bulk during a health crisis may be just shy of buying duct tape in bulk prior to Y2K in complete kneejerk stupidity. It’s like people hoarding air fresheners in prep for a hurricane.
We Get the President Who Acts Like We Do
What are the qualities of a president that we could all rally behind?
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of March 9, 2020
Slowly but surely, if the U.S. doesn’t get its hands and head around this pandemic, it will consume us. It will destroy the markets because of fear, quarantines, and no one spending. We’ll crumble before we come out of it. And our leader is so unbelievably clueless to it. The health officials have to contradict him with the facts at every turn. Everyone thought it was a joke. Nope. Idiots. All of us. And Tom Hanks is going to die. That is our ultimate punishment.
Didn’t We Learn Anything from The Walking Dead?
Panic, like worry and fear of the unknown, is an emotion that simply does not serve us very well.
Enjoying the Perks of Novel Coronavirus COVID-19
COVID-19 is coming for our favorite food, our favorite professional sports league that doesn’t have cheating champion teams, and the one Baby Boomer white man of all America can get behind. Things seem bleak. But after spending forty years in this body and several thousands of dollars on therapy, I am well-equipped to find the silver lining in any situation. I’d tell you that I’m a positive person in moments of crisis, but I feel that telling you I’m positive in this climate would only scare you off.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Coronavirus Task Force Meeting
While you eat McNuggets, I will gladly plant my face in your tossed salad.
Being an escort for me was like being a scrapbooker on Etsy for most other single moms trying to pick up some extra money. The only difference was that I could make a few thousand bucks for one hour of potential discomfort versus making a few hundred for several hours of suffering through handmade clip art. I’m a pretty open-minded person, but I cannot for one second believe that there is any joy in being hunched over a desk, cutting and pasting other people’s memories together. It seems so lonely and juvenile.