Hope Idiotic | Part 20
Lou stared at her. That five hundred was the most money he’d made doing what he loved in a long, long time. Winning — just performing — was the best he’d felt in just as long. Michelle wasn’t letting him enjoy it. Was she really jealous of his win? And while he could have given her the full five hundred bucks to help pay for the trip, it wouldn’t have made much difference — not with what the whole thing cost anyway. Besides, he’d thought about treating himself to a new blazer and a pair of jeans since he hadn’t bought himself any new clothes in two years. He also thought he’d take Michelle out for a really nice evening, like the one where he would propose to her. This is bullshit, he thought as they engaged in a stare-down. He should have said something, but instead, he shrugged his shoulders in defeat and mumbled, “Fine.” Then he left to wander the ship’s decks drinking a glass of scotch until he had calmed down and figured Michelle had fallen asleep.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Presidential Boos News
I killed the leader of ISIS, the most dangerous man in the world since Hilary Clinton.
Validation by Exaggerating Harm is Straight Out of the Propagandist Playbook
Take Donald Trump for example. His language choices are intentionally hyperbolic. He routinely elevates perceived enemies into traitors to the State and rants on and on about witch hunts and lynchings. The Left takes the bait and wastes time arguing the semantics of his grievances (“Witch Hunts are against women!”) and the Right buys into the faux seriousness of them and responds in outrage.
It doesn’t help that the Left elevates his discourse as assault and his rhetoric as violence. These concepts are simply ridiculous and even the dumbest of his supporters can see that.
True Love Exists
True love exists. It can exist in many forms. It can enter our lives when we are young, or it can wait until we’re seasoned. True love can be discovered, or it can suddenly awaken. I don’t believe everyone experiences it. I wish we all did. I don’t know why some are able to feel it and others can’t. I only know that I am one of the lucky few who have it, and I will hold onto it forever.
I Believe… [Basic, Average White Guy]
…that when people tell you you look like Al Franken, Brad Pitt, Tim Allen, John Ham’s drunk cousin, and John Wick (Keanu Reeves), it is established fact that you are the most basic, average looking white guy on the Strip.
Hope Idiotic | Part 19
The day after Lou moved to Chicago, Michelle pointed to a Tiffany’s magazine ad. It was for a princess-cut diamond ring.
“This is the ring I want,” she told him. “This would be perfect.”
He held onto that magazine ad. And when he brought it to Goldman Jewelers, the longtime Bergman family jeweler in Skokie, Lou told the man, “If you can design this, it would be perfect.”
The jeweler, who was only a few years older than Lou, took a look at it. His name was Art Goldman. He was the fourth generation working in the business of making girls squeal with delight when they received their blood diamonds. Getting the Goldman Jewelers business card was a rite of passage. Pop gave it to him. It was yellowed and dog-eared.
Daylight Saving Time
I ask you — or anybody—
Why does it have to take 10 to make 1?
And even more puzzling —
Why bother?
Problematic Movies of the '80s | "Amazon Women on the Moon" (1987)
To be frank, I don’t remember much about this movie with the exception that I remember thinking it was hysterical. I vaguely recall some racial humor and David Allen Grier as a black guy who sings like a white guy. I’m pretty sure there’s gratuitous boobs and, going into this one, I’d bet a hefty sum that it has a laundry list of problematic elements.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of October 27, 2019
When someone knows they’re wrong but can’t admit it or is unwilling to take the steps necessary to right that wrong due to pride or self-preservation, they panic. Then they lash out. And they become more and more wrong through their actions and words. That’s what’s happening with the Republican Party and most marriages right now.
Bagel Shop
My father was older than his age, hardened with experience that he wore
on his sagging cheeks. It had been a long time since his mood lightened up.
Hope Idiotic | Part 18
What Chuck’s repo man would do then is go to the house and wait in the street for Chuck to return. The first time Chuck saw the tow truck as he turned onto the street, he hit the brakes, slammed it into reverse and hightailed it to Lexi’s. He returned at 5 a.m. and, thankfully, the truck was gone. He knew this would be the new norm, so he devised a plan. He would disconnect the garage-door sensors that caused the door to lift back up when an object was in the way. He would press the garage-door remote in his car as he neared the house. Once the door was lifted, he would press the remote again to close the door. Then he’d gun it and whip the car past the repo-man’s tow truck, up the driveway and into the garage with no time to spare and no margin for error. As long as he ignored the phone calls, the doorbell and the knocking on the windows and the front door, he’d be good to go. A closed garage door meant he was safe.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting Dresses Up as Literate Ape for Halloween
There was blood everywhere because, even though I am a vampire, I am a klutz.
Chris Churchill Saves the World | Green
Green is the color.
I’ve got no use for yellow most days. And, to be honest, orange generally repels me. I’ll walk away from a carrot unconsciously.
I Believe… [Political Misspelling is Dumb]
…that when I see you spell women “womxn “ and folks “folx” and white “yt,” wyte,” or “vvhite” your overwhelming virtue signaling blares so loudly that I simply can’t hear you for the noise. You’re only communicating to your trybe.
Hope Idiotic | Part 17
Lou realized that his joke wasn’t a joke at all. Not in a shrink’s office. “No, no. I’m sorry. I was being funny. Really, I’ve never thought about it. I mean, not any more than anyone else has ever thought about it. Just like, when you hear about someone doing it, you wonder about what the last thing to go through their mind was. And not the bullet, like if the person shot himself or anything. No. I’m not suicidal.”
I Like to Watch | Winnebago Man
Fame is its own aphrodisiac. With the internet, fame is much easier to attain which makes its acquisition of far less value. When anyone can become notoriously known by putting up a video of them doing something stupid and perhaps painful, the bar is set for fewer and fewer influencers to have any real influence.
Problematic Movies of the 80s | Stripes (1981)
Oh man. Stripes is a relative stew of problematic elements, simmering without malice but just as tasty when the ingredients are sussed out.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of October 20, 2019
I am convinced that my greatest failure is that I have far too many interests.
Wild One
They entered the open-brick condo eager to rip each other’s clothes off. Maria rubbed the front of Eric’s kakis, while he slid his fingers up her red bubble skirt. He tore her white blouse and sucked from her shoulders down to her fingertips. Maria unbelted Eric’s pants and chucked the leather across the room.
Hope Idiotic | Part 16
Later that week, Lou started therapy. He’d gone to a psychologist before when he was in sixth grade. He was misbehaving in school, collecting an average of one detention a day from one teacher or another. He even managed to get a detention while in detention. His parents were convinced his behavioral problems stemmed from some sort of internal conflict. They had mistaken internal conflict as being a twelve-year-old class clown.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.