Don't Fear The Rooster
Maybe don’t be scared of stuff just because someone tells you to be.
Problematic Movies of the '80s | Weird Science (1985)
In 1985, there was a horny, stupid ideal of the perfect woman and the movie Weird Science exemplified it. Given today’s sex robots and unlimited free porn, I’d say we haven’t gone too far away from the concept…
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of November 25, 2018
I use a bidet for the exact same reason I use a pencil: Sometimes I make a mistake.
Too Close for Comfort... Inn
Six months into the relationship, Dan proposed something that forever changed the course of their relationship.
He invited her to Las Vegas.
American Shithole #36 | The Waiting Game
I just want to know the truth.
“I’ve been sitting in the waiting room forever, doc, give it to me straight — how bad is my country?”
“I’m afraid you have late-stage four Klepto-Capitalism; it’s malignant, and left untreated, it’s terminal.”
“Any good news, doc?”
“Not really.”
My Lonely Heart Led Me to the Lake
It is one of the few places in the world that can be truly silent. There I have traveled in the middle of the night, eyes cast upward to the sky, heart empty and aching, and felt the embrace of the world.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Santa's Workshop Bought by Amazon.com
Santa told the elves it was time to leave, take 10 pounds of reindeer jerky on your way out.
Noble X — Episode 14: Reflections
Words overlap and intersect, resembling the scribbling of a small child. Ink changes colors. Calm letters turning jagged and violent, then smooth again.
The Charitable Act of Giving will Save Us All
Think about your life. In what ways are you fortunate? Now, think of the ways you’re unfortunate? Think of those times when you needed a leg up, a hand, a new pair of boots with bootstraps to pull. Self-reliance and determination can only get you so far. Even if we’re all islands, an island still needs the sea and the air to sustain itself. At some point in all our lives, we need a little help. A shoulder to lean on; an ear to bend.
And while things can always be worse, they can always be better, too.
I Believe... [Warning: Strobe Lights and Personal Castigation Ahead]
...that, in the spirit of appropriate trigger warnings, can we have some that warn us that a comedy show will be more like a lecture on how awful white guys are?
Literacy as Listening
Two Kinds of Pain: Useless and Useful or What I Learned from Frank Underwood
“There are two kinds of pain. The sort of pain that makes you strong, or useless pain. The sort of pain that's only suffering. I have no patience for useless things.” — Frank Underwood (House of Cards, Season 1)
The Exclusive Interview with Lee Harvey Oswald 55 Years Later
He mostly listens to the radio — the local NPR station — but he makes sure to watch Jeopardy! each night. And he consumes Seinfeld reruns like they are keeping him alive.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of Thanksgiving Edition
It’s funny, the things I care about now since becoming a father. It’s not the environment or my finances or my health — not any more than I did before Harrison arrived. It’s diaper changing stations in public restrooms. I see one of those in a men’s room and I am overwhelmed with joy. #FathersRights
Oh, shit. I think I used that Fathers’ Rights hashtag incorrectly.
Why Don't You Recognize Your Own Story, Evangelicals?
I know this digital magazine isn’t generally the forum for anything bordering on religion but I have found I have quite the talent for belaboring a metaphor. Allow me to do that several times more in this piece for the purpose of making a very large point. The point being, “When Did You Stop Believing Your Own Story, Evangelicals?” And “When don’t you recognize your own Beast?”
American Shithole #35 — Happy Thanksgiving!
I sure would like to take December off and write about some stupid fucking British television show I absolutely love for a change.
From the Archives: Unpacking Branson: A Thanksgiving Improbability
For Thanksgiving in 2012, I was single and Mom decided that I should come out to my step-sister's place in Branson, Missouri for a good old-fashioned country Thanksgiving. The carrot was family. The stick was Missouri.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | The Second Thanksgiving
Squanto - White grubs have crawled into it. William - Those are marshmallows.
Problematic Movies of the ’80s | Porky’s (1981)
Honestly, in getting ready for this one, I procrastinated for a few days. I didn’t really want to watch Porky’s again. The poster image is of a dude peeping at a woman in a shower, for chrissakes! After Bachelor Party, I felt like watching another would feel like punishment but this is the trap I’ve set for myself, so on a Friday afternoon, I sat down and hit play.
Tomorrow Will Be Late
She kept running. Wind whipped at our hair and the frenzy in the silhouette was beautiful. I had never been out this far before. Hard to believe home was tucked into one of those cobalt corners of stylized steel that loomed like a frozen storm at the horizon. And so too when I turned again there another storm right in front of me.
The stomach tightens and sinks.
The heart and lungs follow.
It’s a confounding reaction to a receipt of affection.
It’s familiar, and, therefore, oddly comforting.
But familiarity can be a curse.
A cursed reminder of what once went wrong when you were just trying to do things right this time.
This time it’ll be different, you say.
Why? You’re different, but what are you doing differently?