National Novel Writing Month is for the Faint of Heart
The Haunting Regret Can Become Gratitude
For years after AMDA, I struggled to accept my decision. I had turned my back on a city that I loved, people that I had formed a beautiful bond with, and a dream I had nurtured throughout my childhood. Surrounded by the Midwest and all that entails, I saw beauty in nothing, and no matter what I took into my body I never felt fulfilled.
Oh, I'm not Going to Die
I want people to know that I have MS. Fuck! I want to shout it at those people who complain to me about nothing. This hurts. That hurts. Fuck you! I have MS!
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of October 28, 2018
Lyft/cab drivers who fart with passengers in the car can be perceived as rude. Lyft/cab drivers who crank the heat and crack a window when they fart is nothing short of awesome.
Problematic Movies of the '80s | Blame it on Rio (1984)
The whole thing is played with wink-wink adolescence of a slightly greasy, older uncle complimenting his niece on her pantyline.
American Shithole #32 | Other People
Whatever happens, whether we are reinvigorated or crestfallen, I’m proud that so many Americans are taking a stand. I’m sorry I couldn’t take even five fucking paragraphs this week to thank you.
Thank you, other people.
A Contest You Don't Want To Win
For all you know the person next to you has more shit in their life than you do, or me. And now you’re thinking, she’s wrong! I have more shit than the person next sitting next to me. And is that a contest you want to win? I don’t! I don’t!
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Bullet Bouquets
“Their Bullets Did More Damage To My Heart Than They Did To Your Pancreas.”
There Is a Right Way To Do This to Avoid a Second Civil War
I look over and the most angry of the two called out across the tables “What the fuck are you looking at?”
Caught a bit off guard, I stumbled. “Do I know you?”
“No, but I know YOU. You’re Don Hall. You’re a piece of shit!”
I Believe… [Shaming People is The Least Creative Approach]
…that shaming people for not voting is still shaming people. Persuade them or suffer the consequences of your lack of creative effort.
The Women of the Democratic Party Have One Year Left to Keep Screwing Things Up
Let’s be real clear up front: The Patriarchy must burn and die. But if the future is female, then the future needs a Come to Jesus Moment like no other. Even if the Dems pull off a win in 2020, if the Party’s most prominent don’t stop acting without thinking of the consequences, the future may indeed be female, but it will be a future led by women who are just as self-serving and stupid as any man has ever been.
I Dreamed Goth Shaun Cassidy Saved Me From All the Sexists and Rapists
I dreamed goth Shaun Cassidy saved me from all the sexists and rapists.
But it was only a dream…only a dream…
Problematic Movies of the 80s | Back to School (1986)
With outrageous and terrible one-liners, cameos by Sam Kinison, Severn Darden, Danny Elfman and Kurt Vonnegut, Sally Kellerman as a love interest, Burt Young as Melon’s tough guy valet, Back to School is an embarrassment of riches in a dumb but heartfelt movie.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Halloween Edition
If I were to go trick-or-treating, I’d rather receive a red delicious apple with razor blades and anthrax in it than Bit-O-Honey.
Noble X — Episode 12: Evidence Mounts
Something about the way she noticed his clothing seems significant to John and an overwhelming urge to record this interaction immediately rises inside him. “I need a notebook,” chases its tail in his head.
American Shithole #31 | Bomb Building Basics for Simpletons
If we let Klepto-Capitalism play out to its logical conclusion, humanity will end up with only a handful of people with any real power — and at that point the cancer is beyond stage five; the cancer is incurable.
The Passing of the Hat: A Halloween Story
The harvest moon hangs heavy in the velvet embrace of the sky. Near the curled shoes of Bella Baker, a toad jumps into taller grass. The song of crickets rises and falls. The crisp air of Samhain finds all exposed flesh and gives it a little nip, just enough to remember that one is alive.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Saudi Arabia Cracks Down On Satire
. #CrownPrince, #السعودية, #AridDadJokes, #DeathToInfidels, #WWAD
Problematic Movies of the 80s | Risky Business (1983)
I’m not entirely sure why I voted for Ronald Reagan in 1984 but I’m starting to suspect that it may have had something to do with my love of movies featuring rich, white boys and their capitalistic coming of age stories.
Two Poems: She Said; He Said
She said, “Why are you wasting your time?”
As if all there was to it
was making a good deal.
Closing the deal.
Completing the con.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.