American Shithole #24 — A Love Letter to the UK, Revisited
I penned this genuine, heartfelt love letter to the United Kingdom in the summer of 2016, quite possibly hours after the news of the Brexit vote broke. America followed suit a few months later, by instructing the world to "hold my beer."
Your Life, Your Music
"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn."
— Charlie Parker
The converse to this Parker quote is that if it comes out your horn, it’s because you lived it.
I’ve been thinking a lot about bias these days. Looking into my own biases and parsing out where, exactly, the playing of my horn is exposing those dark areas of things I cannot get behind no matter how many strident, angry voices tell me to.
What comes out of my horn for some time in recent history is predicated by my experience, thus the quote.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Citizens to Elect Rahm Emanuel – Now What?
We just put it in the bank until we’re ready to roll out negative Trump TV ads. Which is tricky, because we see them as negative, but his base applauds them.
The Graceful Failure of Mayor Rahm Emanuel
But what’s he really going to do? I imagine that he’ll spend the next three to eight months furiously beating his knob to a pulp jerking it to footage from the 1968 Democratic National Convention riots in Grant Park. You know, back when Chicago was a city he could get behind. One where the police policed. Maybe he’ll spend his days eating Arby’s sandwiches hoping to find a finger in his food. His finger.
I Hate You Because I Love You
Living with you is constant emotional pain.
I can't tell if you're passive-aggressive or stupid or both.
I Believe… [The Popular Kids Were Assholes]
…that our adoration and covetousness for fame is absolutely no different than the quest to be popular in high school. And the popular kids in high school were mostly assholes.
Labor Day Celebrates a Long Gone Dignity
Robber Barons are back in control, the banks are so predatory that it’s hard to believe that bankers aren’t equipped with shark teeth hiding behind their benign smiles, the gig economy is now being trumpeted as somehow new and distinct from the age-old practice of sharecropping, and I’m quite certain that no one who actually works in the labor sector has ever worn fucking white pants anywhere.
Noble X - Episode 10: Captains
In his mind, he has decided that they are his Captains to help with his mission. That together they will accomplish incredible things.
Anatomy Of A Bad Haircut
I’m not just telling you about his hair to feel superior. There, but for the grace of God and the lack of an intelligent and stylish woman in my life, go I. I’m no GQ model myself by the way. I don’t even have all my testicles. I promise I’m not punching down.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of August 26, 2018
John McCain was a genius. And he was loyal to his party. So much so that he died the same day as the Jacksonville shooting so we’d talk about his death instead of gun control. Genius.
Required Watching: “Bobby Fischer Against The World” (2011)
We have a very specific vision of anyone when we hear people referred to as a “genius,” and that tends to be some version of the Manipulative Bastard. This is the archetype of the naturally gifted omni-observant wonder who scans a crime scene for clues to fight evil, and because of it, be a huge dick to everyone. We love this jerkass character for all it’s perfect-answering wish fulfillment, snappy comebacks, and the assumed amount of social credit it takes to be a douche.
American Shithole #23 — Burn in Hell, Motherfucker (Adios, John McCain)
“You’ve been off the grid for two months after collapsing from stress; are you really going to come back now and revisit a languishing column, just to trash a dead war hero?”
It seems so, yes.
The Victory of Medusa: Correcting the Record
Legend carries falsehoods of my death. Lore was written by the gods, and therefore was written by alcohol-soaked ink and sex-crazed confusion.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Trump’s Biggly Funeral Plans
Then take my body and put me behind the wheel of a golf cart strapped to a rocket ship and have the Space Force blast me to the stars.
How Progress Wins: Recalling the Bedrock Narrative
Optimism is the belief that all problems are solvable.
I Believe... [Repentance is Like Shitting in One Hand and Wishing in the Other]
...that human actions are no more evil than a hurricane’s. We assign evil to problems as if repentance will solve them. Contrition is no more helpful to fixing society than looking at the floodwaters and winds and falling to your knees to pray and blame someone/something for them.
Gary Thompson, The Great American Drifter
I felt a kinship to this guy. I, too, had always felt that without the trappings of relationships — the weight of accountability to someone else — I could do much more. Yet, there I was, afraid to be by myself for two weeks on a chicken run to the fray of a new life unknown. Riding shotgun was a guy who also preferred solitude but would still be stuck on a Great Falls road if it weren’t for other people offering up a little bit of their company.
Oversimplifying the Complex
Human beings are a simpleminded lot. In order to make the world a bit more comprehensible, we tend to take huge, complex issues and simplify them in ways that boil it all down and appeal to our common sense.
I Fall in Love with Difficult People
I fall in love with difficult people.
I can't help it. Anyone who is easily
angered, easily bothered, quick to fight,
quick to hold a grudge, I find
utterly fascinating, charming.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of August 19, 2018
If you don’t apologize for acting like an asshole, you weren’t acting in the first place.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.