Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of August 26, 2018
John McCain was a genius. And he was loyal to his party. So much so that he died the same day as the Jacksonville shooting so we’d talk about his death instead of gun control. Genius.
Required Watching: “Bobby Fischer Against The World” (2011)
We have a very specific vision of anyone when we hear people referred to as a “genius,” and that tends to be some version of the Manipulative Bastard. This is the archetype of the naturally gifted omni-observant wonder who scans a crime scene for clues to fight evil, and because of it, be a huge dick to everyone. We love this jerkass character for all it’s perfect-answering wish fulfillment, snappy comebacks, and the assumed amount of social credit it takes to be a douche.
American Shithole #23 — Burn in Hell, Motherfucker (Adios, John McCain)
“You’ve been off the grid for two months after collapsing from stress; are you really going to come back now and revisit a languishing column, just to trash a dead war hero?”
It seems so, yes.
The Victory of Medusa: Correcting the Record
Legend carries falsehoods of my death. Lore was written by the gods, and therefore was written by alcohol-soaked ink and sex-crazed confusion.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting – Trump’s Biggly Funeral Plans
Then take my body and put me behind the wheel of a golf cart strapped to a rocket ship and have the Space Force blast me to the stars.
How Progress Wins: Recalling the Bedrock Narrative
Optimism is the belief that all problems are solvable.
I Believe... [Repentance is Like Shitting in One Hand and Wishing in the Other]
...that human actions are no more evil than a hurricane’s. We assign evil to problems as if repentance will solve them. Contrition is no more helpful to fixing society than looking at the floodwaters and winds and falling to your knees to pray and blame someone/something for them.
Gary Thompson, The Great American Drifter
I felt a kinship to this guy. I, too, had always felt that without the trappings of relationships — the weight of accountability to someone else — I could do much more. Yet, there I was, afraid to be by myself for two weeks on a chicken run to the fray of a new life unknown. Riding shotgun was a guy who also preferred solitude but would still be stuck on a Great Falls road if it weren’t for other people offering up a little bit of their company.
Oversimplifying the Complex
Human beings are a simpleminded lot. In order to make the world a bit more comprehensible, we tend to take huge, complex issues and simplify them in ways that boil it all down and appeal to our common sense.
I Fall in Love with Difficult People
I fall in love with difficult people.
I can't help it. Anyone who is easily
angered, easily bothered, quick to fight,
quick to hold a grudge, I find
utterly fascinating, charming.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of August 19, 2018
If you don’t apologize for acting like an asshole, you weren’t acting in the first place.
A Urinal Cake Was The Only Souvenir I Could Afford
Did it matter that toilet water is exactly the same water that we get from the tap and drink and that urine has no germs and that the urinal cake definitely had destroyed any nastiness pee'd on it due to the extreme nature of a cake of ammonia in water? Not even a little. I had stolen a urinal cake from a theme park in Missouri and stuffed it in my pocket.
Insert your own metaphor HERE.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Do, please insert your own metaphor in the comments section of this piece. —DH)
Keeping My Bed Sheets Clean
I’m an evangelical of crisp, clean, smooth bed sheets. Trust me when I tell you that getting into freshly washed and pressed sheets is the second greatest feeling you can feel in your bed. And sometimes, it’s a very close second, depending on the company you’re keeping.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting — Witch Hunt!
Trump: Remember last week when everyone was freaking out about me saying n*gg*r on a tape somewhere?
Kelly: Every week makes me nostalgic for the week before.
Noble X - Episode 9: Mind Games
He wants to help them thrive. He thinks of their eyes filled with fear as anxiety takes hold of them. His head swirls with helplessness and guilt.
Who Benefits From Fear?
I grew up being told that the Soviet Union was something to fear.
I Believe… [I Would've Taped Those Meetings, Too]
…that, while I’m no fan of Omarosa, it is fun watching her troll Trump in ways that make the Oval Office seem even more like a telenova.
I Want Someone to See What is Good in Me
Some say we are all sinners
I don’t believe in sin
Don’t believe in God either
But Laawwdd I know I’m not perfect
though I try to be
every day as I struggle to get out of bed
make my way
get through the day
Being the crappy person in the relationship
Dating the wrong person can bring out the worst in anyone. For me, this person's name was Jerry. And my crappy behavior is 100 percent my fault. He was nothing short of a gentleman. Which is probably why I had such a distaste for him.
Emotional Turbulence: My First Writers Conference
For weeks I had been riding a lifeboat in a raging sea of panic, joy, anticipation, and self-doubt as I prepared to attend a writers conference. To non-writers that may seem kind of weak. But the first conference is like stepping onto a stage for the very first time only instead of your looks and performance being judged, it’s your mind.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.