...that the best response to a society hellbent on requiring the careful, nervous walk through a minefield of eggshells is to tap dance on every fucking egg.

...that the naming of hurricanes is likely to be apolitical but c’mon, guys.

...that human babies coming out of the womb helpless and unable to walk make other animals seem superior.

...that smoothing over and correcting language is the childproofing of intellectual discourse.

...that Himmel is completely, 100% correct when he states that marriage is a willingness to forgo autonomy. Given my almost relentless desire for autonomy, I should’ve known better…

...that life is laundry. It’s a pain in the ass, seems completely pointless but, man, it’s grand to have a pair of clean underwear.

...that the excuse for one’s poor behavior “it’s a cultural thing” is its own form of casual racism—being on time, respecting the time of others, and functioning for the benefit of the whole have nothing to do with culture.

...that a monster truck event at a rural state fair is just a different sort of Pride parade.

...that the unexamined life is not worth living (Socrates). The over-examined life is just a drag.

...that most people out in the world have wildly misinterpreted what the word ‘community’ means.

...that the answer to the question “What did I do to deserve this?” is “You lived long enough to endure it.” Any other answer is a fairy tale or self flaggelation.

...that no single person should ever order a large pizza with the intent of saving some for the next few days. It’s a lie you tell yourself and you will fall for it every time.

...that when confronted with a name-dropper, the best course of action is to counter-name drop fictional bands. “Yeah. I saw the Anal Beads in a dive bar before they became big! The lead singer of the Flaming Colonoscopy Bags once bought me a beer in between sets.”

...that Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3 reminds us how good the MCU can be.

...that anyone who manages to take a decent looking driver’s license photo is to be closely watched for mayhem as they are likely supernatural or alien.

...that Elon Musk is the bastard son of Andy Kaufman and wreaks havoc as a continuation of his father’s legacy.