Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of July 1, 2018
Christians are not the most persecuted group in the world. However, Christians who are assholes are being prosecuted in the court of public opinion. And that’s a good thing for everyone, especially Christians.
Debate is Dead; Long Live Debate
The problem is that healthy debate appears to be dead. Or, at best, on life support in a hospice bed providing infected bed sores rather than rational thought.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of June 24, 2018
I’m not gay. Not even bi-curious. But I think Gene Kelly is the sexiest man to have ever lived, and without question or pause, I would dig up his bones and dry hump them to full completion.
How to End America’s Cold Civil War
You could feel the chill sprint down your spine and tear through your bones the moment the frontrunners became Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. The rift, the wildly apparent chasm between countrymen had already occurred. The end of the 2016 United States Presidential Primaries was the official beginning of America’s Cold Civil War.
Historical Ignorance and the Slow March to a Great (Fascist) America
We’ve seen all of this before. It begins with a grievance.
We’re marching along toward our inevitable fascist, totalitarian end. And we’re marching either because we’re lying to ourselves that it’s OK or we’re too stupid to know better. I’m betting it’s the latter. Because Americans aren’t stupid. Americans are mighty and supreme. Americans are pure and good. That is, until we’re not.
And perhaps we never were. Look at history. We were never that New Colossus.
This is not hyperbole. This is history.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of June 16, 2018
If you don’t know the difference between Fake News and an egregious journalistic error, you are too stupid to read the news. Instead, turn on HGTV, subscribe to The Pioneer Woman Magazine and keep your head up your ass.
To My Son, I’m Sorry You’re Reading This
Boy, that headline sounds like the first line in a suicide note. No, no, Harrison, my son, this is not a suicide note. It’s an apology letter. Or an explanation. Maybe a clarification. I’m not sure what your mother has told you, or what you’ve already heard or read, but I feel it is imperative that you have some background, context really, on what you may have already heard or read, or undoubtedly will.It's only right that a son knows who his father is — the kind of man his father is.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Father's Day Edition
Seeing your infant son play Slap the Bag with your wife’s breast is pretty damn funny.
Why Worry When You can Sail or do Whatever Makes You Happy
And I realize that not everyone is as fortunate or privileged as I am. Not everyone has a Boat Rich daddy. But everyone should find the thing that gives them the kind of calm joy sailing gives me. It doesn’t matter what it is.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of May 28, 2018
Samantha Bee calling Ivanka Trump a cunt is not funny. That’s because it’s not a joke. I never thought Samantha Bee was all that great at telling jokes anyhow. But it is totally reasonable to call Ivanka Trump a cunt. Bee shouldn’t have apologized. Saying sorry because Big Viacom said to do so is a real cunty thing to do.
Feeling Young and Magnificent Giving 21st Birthday Wisdom to a Bum
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of May 20, 2018
My wife told me that while changing our son’s diaper yesterday, he reached down, grabbed his little nut sack and yanked on it. “He’s your son,” she said to me. “He’s already sitting in gum.” If you understand what she’s talking about then you know how proud my son has made me.
I Shot My Dog in the Eye and All He did was Love Me More
“I broke him. I broke Eddie. His eye is loose in his head. He’ll never be able to take a cute photo again. He’s a freak! He’s broken! He’s probably blind. This is why… Do you see? This is why I can’t be a father. I’m going to break my kids and I… I can’t handle that. I can’t handle this. OH GOD! Eddie! I’m so sorry! Katie! I’m so sorry! I’m SO SORRY!”
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Advice to My Brother and His Fiancé on their Wedding Day Edition
• Go to bed angry. It’s always better to finish the fight in the morning with a clear head.
I Dated a Woman for Her Legs and Stayed with Her for Her Cat
Mogley was just like his mother, the moment I stopped trying to get the cat to love me, he began to love me.
The Cost of Winning
Winning feels good. And it’s humbling. And being humbled feels good, too. Because winning with humility begets confidence. And confidence begets success. As an award-winning sports writer, and former editor in chief of a health magazine, I can now say with absolute confidence that the movie Rookie of the Year is overflowing with wildly impossibilities.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of May 6, 2017
• Saw a street cleaning vehicle dumping its contents out into a dumpster this week. I’ve never seen that before. I had always thought that whatever filth the street cleaning vehicles sucked up got turned into Mayor Ron Emanuel’s moral code.
Dove Needs to Clean Up Its Act if it Hopes to Survive the Identity War
The idiom, “You can’t please everyone all the time” no longer holds water. Today, when it comes to product marketing, if you don’t please everyone all the time, you’re going to upset enough people so much that their digital pitchforks and torches can destroy your brand in an afternoon.
What’s the solution? The death of targeted marketing, maybe. If I were the director of copy, I’d suggest the following: “You know that bath time is precious.” Don’t specifically identify anyone other than the buyer, whomever and whatever that may be. It’s just as accurate.
Notes from the Post-it Wall — Week of April 29, 2018
• Ah, yes, May 4th. The day Star Wars fans make fun of people with lisps.
Puppy vs. Baby and the Myth of Unconditional Love
Someone somewhere probably said something like, “If you want to know unconditional love, get a puppy and have a baby.” That someone was an idiot.
...that, as we age, good footwear is more important than a girlfriend.