According to a New York Times and Morning Consult poll, parents are so involved with their children’s lives that they’re killing the kids’ life skills. We don't want this for Harrison. And this is why now that he's one year old, he'll be wiping his own ass. And mine. Furthermore, he'll be able to rig a sailboat and navigate the health insurance marketplace by kindergarten.

John McCain was a genius. And he was loyal to his party. So much so that he died the same day as the Jacksonville shooting so we’d talk about his death instead of gun control. Genius.

“You’ve been off the grid for two months after collapsing from stress; are you really going to come back now and revisit a languishing column, just to trash a dead war hero?”

It seems so, yes.

Then take my body and put me behind the wheel of a golf cart strapped to a rocket ship and have the Space Force blast me to the stars.

UPDATED: July 28, 2017, 6:13 a.m.

The members of Congress, generally, are a cat that terrorizes its counterparts and bullies helpless, fearful people. The majority of the United States Congress is Cookie; a nasty sonofabitch.

There's always been partisanship. However, it seems that partisanship has reached critical mass—that thing Malcolm Gladwell talks about in his very fucking boring book, The Tipping Point. Parties. Power. Influence. Money. These are the things the current Congress cares about. Consider the debate over healthcare.

...that Chicago Dog Sauce is both a terrible name for ketchup and the strangest ploy to get Chicago hot dog purists (which is like old lady Hummel figurine collectors and dudes who collect sports tattoos in the precious category) to use a condiment in history.  They could’ve called it “Ketchup for Morons” and it would’ve been more honest.