Trump Declares Victory in 2024 Presidential Election
You see Camila Harris bouncing around in colorful trousers and tennis shoes. At least Mike never did that in public.
Short Spring, Or: Leaving Los Angeles
When I returned home later my roommate informed me of something going on the following weekend in WeHo that sounded quite obviously like an orgy.
I Believe... [2022 ElectionMania!]
...that, with the full-on mouth-breathing, drooling crop of idiots on fire about the last presidential election, the 2022 midterm elections will resemble nothing if not a WWE Tournament of Retards. At least it’ll be entertaining…
They Learned it from the Wolverines
I hadn't viewed 1984's Red Dawn, directed by ridiculously pro-military/anti-government shill John Milius, since, well, 1984 when I graduated high school. I decided to take another look these thirty-seven years later to see how that film may have cemented that Unabomber Paranoia into the Gen X mindset.
Mystery Spot
Every season is spooky season, in my opinion, and with less than four months til Halloween, you know every little wicked soul is getting amped up for the best holiday. That being said, this here is a story of a strange little shack and several disappearances that will remain unsolved.
Awkward Encounter Between Insurrectionists and the Capitol Building at Starbucks on 1/7/21 – As Imagined by the GOP
The Capital Building is the Pirates of the Caribbean of Washington, D.C.
The Therapeutic Approach to Nationalism
Truth without pragmatic action is meaningless.
I Believe… [Language Policing]
...that in our further policing of language, we should definitely move away from the term “asshole” and use the less oppressive term “outward facing anal pore”.
A Bad Landing Destroys the Entire Trip
It is a fundamental truth that no matter how solid the ride is, if you can't stick the fucking landing, the landing is the only thing anyone remembers (except your mom because she loves you and will lie to you to make you not want to eat a bullet).
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 27, 2021
Our dog is still a little too neurotic to poop in the yard and keeps crapping in the house, so basically, I just bought her a $500,000 toilet.
Alternatives to and variations on the slogan “Defund the Police,” because, let’s face it, it could use some improving, or at least some explanation and elaboration
Could We At Least Get Rid Of The Neo-Nazi, Racist, Fascist, White Supremacist Police Officers? Please? Pretty Please? Is That Really So Much To Ask? People In Other Professions Who Exhibit Racist And Violent Behavior Don’t Get To Hold Onto Their Jobs. They Get Fired. Otherwise It’s A Public Relations Nightmare.
NSFW - Toyota Defends Funding Republican Lawmakers (Rough Draft)
Chill the f*ck out, yo.
I Believe… [Reward for Responsible Behavior]
...that creating lotteries and prizes for people getting vaccinated is no different than giving your kid a dollar for eating his broccoli. It wastes the dollar and sets up expectation for extortion for basic common decency. Next Up: state-sponsored Visa Gift Cards if you wear a self belt or refrain from beating up an old Asian woman.
The MCU Should Issue an Indeterminate Number of Apologies
Hardly as inclusive as they could be, the MCU (and Disney) owe every fringe group and subculture identity a genuine apology and a promise to "do the work" to expand the universe as a safe place for every human (and those who identify as Moon people, Soulbonders, and Lycanthropes) on the planet.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | The Moving Edition
There is a fine line between leadership and dictatorship. Unfortunately, we can’t find which box we packed it in.
Crisis Resets Our Default Settings as Human Beings
Adversity seems to bring out not necessarily the best or worst in people, but the very essence of people.
States Scramble to Find New Ways to Kill People
Many people see the gas chamber as half empty, we at Jigsaw, Inc. see the gas chamber as an excuse to make deadly fart jokes.
I Believe... [Being Seen]
...that the cost of being seen is that you might actually be seen.
Who Says Intent Doesn't Matter? It Matters a LOT
In a courtroom, intent is a key factor that must be proven in order to prosecute someone for a criminal act. Known as mens rea, a prosecutor must prove the defendant meant to do what they did. According to the Cornell Law School Legal Information Institute, “the mens rea requirement is premised upon the idea that one must possess a guilty state of mind and be aware of his or her misconduct.”
Leaked Audio Sex Tape of Batman and Catwoman
I see you put nipples back on the bat suit….No. I’m just titillated.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.