The Survival of Icarus
Kisses and grins, palms pressed, they raced through the forest with the glee of children. Naked and free, strong and alone, Icarus and Apollo at last could be together.
My Grandmother’s Death Presents a Journalistic Regret and a Literary Goldmine
When my grandmother, Joyce Himmel, died on May 11, it marked the end of a very long era. She was just two-and-a-half weeks shy of turning ninety-five. She wasn’t sick, really. A near perfect picture of health and resilience for the better part of a century, in the final minutes of the fourth quarter, her heart just wore out. It was quick and peaceful. Hard to complain about. She had a long and happy and thrilling life.
I could say more, so much more, but this isn’t about Nonny as much as its about her book club.
I Believe… [Pride Should Be Justified]
…that one should demonstrate pride in something accomplished rather than mere existence. Thus, Gay Pride (because of the accomplishments over generations of stigma) and not Straight Pride (because what the fuck did we have to overcome except the lazy task of consistent acceptance?). I mean, I’m straight but I can’t say it’s necessarily anything to be proud of.
I Like to Watch | Dark Phoenix
Less than technological advances, I’d argue the primary reason superhero movies are the Big Gorilla in cinema today is about the casting.
No Chains, No Imprisonment
"Unless there are actual chains and bars, your imprisonment is in your mind."
Long Train Running: A Chicago Marathon Story | Chapter 1 — Ready, Set, Ouch
What was I thinking?
I’m running the Bank of America Chicago Marathon. Why? Because I’m forty. Because I haven’t run a marathon before. Because I need an excuse to get off my writer’s ass and move so I can live long enough to not die. Because I believe in the mission of Gilda’s Club Chicago and fundraising by running seems to be a pretty great way to get money out of your friends and family. So I am running as a member of Team Gilda.
But my god, I’m behind the ball on this.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of June 2, 2019
Does Elmo go to school? Because I wouldn’t mind seeing that little red monster take a bullet in a school shooting.
Whose Idea Is It Anyway? The Terminator, The Infinite Wrench, and BUGHOUSE!
The format [curated open mic storytelling] is a rich canvas for the different shows to create new improvements on the skeleton and flesh it out in their specific artistic way. The format wasn’t stolen or plagiarized in these cases so much as stripped of specificity and re-clothed in improvements, making wholly unique live experiences for a completely different audience.
Hank, Unedited
It's an early morning in September, twenty years in the future. MOM is driving her son HANK to school. Hank is an ordinary-looking child of 10 who suffers from a rare genetic disorder, Brittanicus Affectavus Horribulis.
The Minutes of Our Last Meeting | Chillicothe Father of the Year
I can’t tell you about it in person, because I’m a telemarketer. Bound by honor to use the phone.
Americans LOVE Their Larger than Life Outlaws which is why Trump is Our Bruce Wayne
Take the billionaire who pretends to be one thing through lies and subterfuge and then breaks a list of laws to combat what he sees as crime and corruption. We love that guy. He’s a hero, right?
Who doesn’t love Batman?
TRUMP DUMP: An Easy Reader
Prologue
I’m Donald Trump and I am big.
I Believe… [Your Delusion is Showing]
…that if you see the world as an Either/Or proposition, a place of definable Good and Evil, and a belief that the righteous will prevail, you’re living in a delusion fueled by comic books, blockbuster movies, and religious propaganda. Go watch Requiem for a Dream, Glenngarry Glen Ross and Magnolia, and grow up.
The Family that Mood Swings Together Stays Together
At the time of this writing, my wife, Katie, is experiencing her period. My puppy, Molly, is also experiencing her period. They’ve both been pretty pissy. This morning, Harry, my one-year-old son collapsed to the floor and pounded his head on the hardwood in unbridled misery because I wouldn’t let him put the television remote control into the kitchen trashcan. All of my Apple devices are slowing down and I can’t wrap my head around navigating the storage on my hard drives and my cloud servers. It makes me want to pull my hair out and gag myself to death on it.
We’re not a happy home. We’re not an unhappy home either. We’re a moody home.
Burn Museums // Build Co-ops
An engorged pig sits in a stale pond, lapping at the stagnant water while the fish die. Its heavy, muffled breath does nothing to stir the sheet of algae growing on the surface.
Demand Accountability or Take Responsibility
Accountability is about making someone else do what we want them to do.
Responsibility is about making ourselves do what needs to be done.
Time to make a choice.
Notes from the Post-it Wall | Week of May 26, 2019 — Birthday Edition
The best part about having a birthday as a married man is that for twenty-four hours, you’re 100 percent guaranteed that your wife won’t look at you like you’re a stupid idiot. It’s the best gift any happily married man can receive.
The Future Pool Queen and The Sweepstakes Cult - Vegas Notes
This meant I wouldn’t have to muster the push to go scything thru the crop of Nevada’s finest to get what I thought I might want. My new neighbors: some dirty, a few crusty, a number sunscorched right down into ugly, some tubby. Surprisingly even a few of the bitchy ones know how to smile back if you do it first. We’re all human, that’s certain.
Finding Three Pain Points — How to Sell Progress
My brief stint selling window replacements did garner me some insight on the process that, as I look out into our divided country, I can’t help but wonder if the technique used to get people to spend $30,000 to replace their windows might have some value in selling our most untenable ideas to one another.
The Minutes of our Last Meeting – Happy Memorial Day, Japan!
The ONLY justification for President Trump telling Japanese soldiers “Happy Memorial Day” is if he is flipping them the bird just before dropping another nuke on Tokyo.
Jake and Caroline’s first date was at The Whistler. They talked about Ronnie, how much they loved The Diplomat, and debated the better ride-share service, Uber or Lyft. She was Uber, he was Lyft. They got wasted on Sazeracs and had sex at her apartment. It was incredible for both of them. Caroline stopped taking sex advice from Ronnie.